How sarcasm (irony?) saved my life (WARNING: Sensitive)

by AuldSoul 65 Replies latest members private

• 

  Big Tex

  LL, I knew there was a reason I liked you.

  Oh Kate . . . . .
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  mamochan13

  
  Auld Soul - thank you for such an eloquent description of how it feels to be on the precipice of that black hole. Those of us who have been there understand, and Lady Lee has said it well.

  Those of us who have survived have discovered that over time, it really does get better. We look back in horror that we ever considered suicide as an option. At the time, though, it is a very real option, and our minds are adept at rationalizing it as being the preferred, the only one. We don't see any other way to make the pain stop, both for ourselves and our families.

  It's interesting to hear opinions expressed by certain people - the "snap out of it" or "look how happy people who have it worse are" or "quit whining" type of garbage. These attitudes just intensify the pain and are profoundly ignorant. Can you imagine anyone saying to someone who is dying from cancer to just "snap out of it and quit whining?" Depression and suicide are very real medical and emotional conditions, and thankfully there are medications that can help. But these attitudes are so common, it infuriates me. Even among health professionals...I used to work with a bunch of nurses and I couldn't believe the callous, cruel comments they would make about people who had attempted to end their lives.

  JWs tend to share these attitudes. After all, the religion teaches that those who commit suicide will not be resurrected, and that depression can be cured by regular meeting attendance.

  So Auld Soul, hang in there. Keep focusing on your non-suicide options - you do have them. Try and find other ways to ease the pain, even if they seem very small. You have many people who are ready to hold on to you and help you stop your descent into blackness. But ultimately it comes down to you. You have the power to fight, and you have to find it within yourself to survive. Good luck, I'm rooting for you.
• 

  bikerchic

  Ok I have to say this just once on this board. And if another mod wants to edit it so be it

  silentwatcher SHUT THE F**K UP!!!

  Ok that feels better.

  Whew.....glad you feel better Lee, now everybody exhale......

  Oh Kate . . . . .

  Yeah, 'sup BT? he,hee $#!+ happens....

  This is the most important point which I think is getting lost on silentWatcher's insensitive post. AludSoul touched on it in his convo with Sparkplug about PTSD and sums it up with these words:

  When you don't understand what is happening it is scary and seems very important. But that just forces your brain to make a stronger connection to that reaction, which is the opposite of the desired effect. Now that I understand what is happening, it doesn't seem as important so the reaction isn't as severe and doesn't make as big an impact on future thought processes.

  When you don't understand, when you've never experienced, when you are so far removed from the problem it's like a foreign language those of us who are trying our best to communicate and deal with these extreme feelings and actions because as you said they are scary and very important (to us) but to an onlooker we/it/they just seem strange and in their desperation to understand they can and do come off as being insensitive. Would be better if they said nothing at all?

  Thank you all for sharing your viewpoints and opinions. I believe you were trying to help me—even though some of you suck at it. None of you strike me as the sort of persons who would intentionally cause harm to someone else. Those (many) who have been supportive, it is deeply appreciated, you still have me in tears. Those who tried and failed, your intentions are deeply appreciated.

  Supportive words coming from those of us who have been there done that and have lived to tell about it can still come off to the one suffering as shallow.

  I'll always remember the words of my sister's therapist...sidebar my sister is schizophrenic and has to numerous times tried to kill herself; it was at one of these times I told him (her therapist) that I was a lot of the time afraid to say anything to her for fear what I say and even how I say it would be taken the wrong way and put her over the edge and she would kill herself. He told me something very profound and I'll never forget it which is why I reach out albeit in my own clumsy way to anyone who is suicidal.

  He said "You simply don't have that power." and added "the most important thing is to let them know you care and are concerned, reach out in whatever way possible, that's what works."

  silentWatcher's words reminded me so well of the Elders who would just tell those hurting, depressed, suicidal souls to "snap out of it", "pray more", "study more", "attend more meetings, go out in service and yadda,yadda,yadda". Was it because they didn't care? No it was because they didn't understand the depth of despair or the seriousness of it. I understand that now and while I don't agree with silentWatcher's insensitivity I do understand why.

  AuldSoul I'm glad you are on your way to learning better coping skills, cognitive therapy was really a godsend for me. I do get down from time to time recently I was even entertaining my old suicidal thoughts but thankfully I reached my "false bottom" and got help, it hurts as I type this but I do understand. It takes hard work and even though you find yourself years ahead of that dark time it can and it does revisit you which is why you really need to learn how to combat it when it does.

  Take care, work hard and reach out to others.
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  BabaYaga

  Dammit, Auld Soul... hugs to you, thanks for sharing, and THANK GOODNESS.
• 

  crazyblondeb

  AuldSoul

  Just wanted you to know that about a month ago I was really suicidal. This thread helped me alot, along with a few of the posters, and the chat on the other site. I've been told I have PTSD, too and bipolar, athough I'm not sure about that one. I went back on my meds-- for now.

  But you and most everyone here have helped me ssooo much. That's why I try and pay it forward.

  love you all

  shelley
• 

  jakes

  Glad you are still here! This place is where many of us find comfort and relief. We all contribute to uplifting one another.

  Stick around for a long time!
• 

  czarofmischief

  SilentWatcher - AuldSoul is NOT alone, nor is he whining unduly when he expresses these emotions. For some, they are real and are a way of life for a while.

  Emotions are funny things. Unpredictable. Sometimes uncontrollable. Such is life.

  Be strong AuldSoul. Your sensitivity is actually a strength, believe it or not.

  CZAR
• 

  lola28

  How did I miss this thread before????????????????

  I'm at a loss for words ***hugs***

  Lola
• 

  Fleur

  The timing on this thread coming back to the top is very interesting for me, personally.

  Thank you, AuldSoul for giving a voice to the darkest thoughts that shadow us...that shadow me...sometimes even after years of 'doing better'.

  I'm glad you're still around and I thank you for this.

  essie
• 

  JWdaughter

  Auld Soul,you know what I like the most about this thread you started? I got to see that someone that I really like and respect had a problem and is overcoming it. You are very much an encourager here. I would have missed you very much so I am glad you are still here! That silent person was wrong-the perspective that there is always someone worse off than you are does NOTHING to make you feel better. Everyone could find that person. If it hurts YOU, it hurts YOU. May Silent never find out how that works. You are awesome.