How sarcasm (irony?) saved my life (WARNING: Sensitive)

by AuldSoul 65 Replies latest members private

  • Caedes
    Caedes

    Best wishes Auld soul

    I know how you feel, been there myself.

    I hope things get better for you

  • Sunnygal41
    Sunnygal41

    (((((AS))))) I missed this thread also back when you first posted it...........but, bro, been there, but was toooooo chicken to carry it out.............my therapist at the time said he was sooo happy I was (chicken). I, too, suffer from PTSD, from living with a violent, alcoholic father, and have been under treatment for depression for about 20 years........I am very open about taking medication..........it keeps me sane and able to live my life in a "normal" manner. I remember thinking I was being tormented by demons when I was a teenager, because I would see and hear things at night.........I'd wake up and during that half awake period strange thoughts and visions would float across the bedroom...........it was only after I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for medication that I learned what they were...........I also slept walked from an early age..........one night, after a very intense, emotional evening of my 8th grade graduation, I woke up in my bra and panties under a street light in front of my house.........fortunately, it was extremely early am and no one was around..........when I told my mom in the morning, she was shocked and only half believed me, even though she had been dealing with my sleepwalking for years, until I showed her my footprint in the mud just outside the back door. She was shocked that I had been able to get out of the house without waking anyone up, then break back in and go back to bed...........freaked her out big time. After I got married, the hallucinations continued........my ex got used to me sitting up in bed and saying bizarre things like: "look at them, look at them!" while staring at my hands........which in my vision were covered with large bugs........or waking him up with a shake on his shoulder and pointing at a ghostly "something" floating around the perimeter of the bedroom ceiling. What was even more difficult was the paranoia that would accompany these visions........being firmly convinced that my husband was plotting something while I slept........and then, when I would come fully awake being filled with confusion and shame at these thoughts..........it has taken me years to fully understand this stuff, lots of tears, a divorce, etc..........thank goodness I stuck it out and can now share all my hard won knowledge with other suffering souls...........

    Terri

  • Doubting Bro
    Doubting Bro

    Auld Soul,

    I'm glad you're still with us. Your posts are thought provoking and encouraging. You do have something to offer and the world is a better place with you in it.

    I too have stood there with a gun in my mouth. To this day I don't know why I didn't pull the trigger. I think because my self hatred was so much that to continue living was the ultimate form of punishment. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't do it. The pain isn't as intense as it once was but will always be there. My life is great, I love my wife & kid and can't imagine being without them. I don't know why they love me but I've come to accept that they do.

    Sometimes my friend, we are our own worst enemy. Your post was so moving. Thank you for sharing and I do hope those feelings are passing for you. Getting professional help is vital in situations like this.

  • Khrysanthemum
    Khrysanthemum

    (((((AULD SOUL)))))

    I have said it before,and I will say it again, you are one of my very favorite people on this board. I have taken so much from your posts that don't know how much you have helped me with my struggles from leaving the organization! Thank you!

    Hang in there and stay with us! We are all here for you

    Krissie ( Mrs. Schne)

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    ((((((Auldsoul)))))))) I could just hug you up, you ApostaBubba, you! You're not alone, hon. I so appreciate your posting your feelings and experiences here. You can't imagine what a help it is to someone like me to see that I'm not so alone either.

    BTW, don't you dare blink out on us, Auldsoul!!! You are too valuable and sensitive a person and you would be greatly missed and grieved.

    I've been spring-spronging over suicidal ideation since I was in my early teens. Finally found out I'm bipolar 2 and can take meds that level out a lot of the anger and pain from CPTSD that I also have.

    Thank you, Auldsoul. Aren't these fellow JWD posters terrific support when a person really needs it?

    Frannie

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    thanks for posting this AS. helps to know you are not alone sometimes and that it gets back to normal...good to see you this AM.

    Lots of huggs

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