by AuldSoul 65 Replies latest members private
silentWatcher
Proverbs 17:28
Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.
Your comment betrays your depth. What does circumstances have to do with a person's state of mind? A person can be driven to the depths of despair from a steady drip of water.
{{{{{{{{{{{{AuldSoul}}}}}}}}}}}}
Sorry for the pain - but thanx for the sharing. Had no idea - who could? You are of value apart from what you do or what others see.
Glad you saw the irony. We love ya' , brother.
Jeff
noisywatcher: I'll call you out...At the gym, I saw a TV show about kids with horrible birth defects...
Consider me called out.
Two days prior to May 7, 2006 you wouldn't have thought I would reach for a razorblade or shotgun either if you had been rolling film on my life, and you wouldn't think it of me now unless I mentioned it.
Since that is the case for me, I am curious...how many of the disabled or "defective" children on that show eventually committed suicide? If you don't know...in what way—exactly—does your viewing of a television program that showed happy kids relate to the subject of my suicidal ideation as a delayed reaction to the prepubescent sexual abuse I experienced? You have me stymied on that point.
A snapshot—any snapshot—of a person's life or outlook is an unfair representation of their life and outlook as a whole.
if you're not enough of a grown-up to read this, don't.
If you are referring to whether I am mature enough to consider and weigh the merits of your viewpoint, I think I will manage to endure it somehow. If you think maturity is required in order for me to agree with you, then you no doubt have a lot of learning yet to do and I wish you the best of luck with your life.
I didn't post this thread in the Public Humiliation and Scorn section. If you are incensed by the fact that this forum has a Private Discussion & Support section, perhaps you should take the matter up with the forum owner.
I'm just sick of the whining and the garbage. Grow up.
I hope life deals you a hand that is easy to play. That way you can die feeling superior to me. We'll both be just as dead, but the face on your rotting corpse will be a smug one.
AuldSoul
silentwatcher--you may have just inadvertently "called out" every person on this board who has ever been down a path of thought and feeling and experience similar to what AuldSoul described. You might better keep your silence next time lest you do someone real damage. That was appallingNo one in pain should have to keep a bright candyland smile pasted to their face 24/7 just to please the likes of you.
AuldSoul...what you have so honestly and compassionately shared and continue to share here is so beneficial. Thank you again. My best to you and yours with all my And my love to all who are going through similar right now.
~Merry
Auldsoul...Insert a huge and long held hug here...
I have been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It wasn't caused by the religion, but I am sure the religion exacerbated the trauma. The attempt was preceded by resurfacing memories of events from my childhood that I wish I could not remember. ('nuff said)
That sounds so damn familiar. I would not have known either as so many have posted before me. This saddens me for I love to read your post. You always keep my spirits in check, and I relate to what you write.
I can say from having PTSD, that once you know you have it, it is likely that the hardest part is over. When I learned what caused me to have these crazy thoughts or non thoughts as you may..., I stopped. It was as if I now had a margin in which to play. I found if I started to slip and feel kind of out of control, I knew what it was and somehow I have not had these thoughts for many years now.
I hope the same happens for you. I really do.
Don't give up my friend. You are needed here and I am sure so much more at home. Sometimes we have to fake it till we make it. A friend told me that, and it is true. Just don't fake so much that you forget to take care of yourself though. I send all my love and warm thoughts to you and may you feel my arms wrap around you and know you are not alone. (Ok, I am sunburnt and cannot be squeezed back too hard..lol)
"Every man has the right to risk his own life in order to save it."
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
silentWatcher you should have kept your .02 up until then we just wondered......
Oh...
it's so good that you're on this side of the line. You'd be a long time dead.
Thank you so much for that insight into being that close to the edge. It's so great to have you still here.
((((all—even silentwatcher))))
Thank you all for sharing your viewpoints and opinions. I believe you were trying to help me—even though some of you suck at it. None of you strike me as the sort of persons who would intentionally cause harm to someone else. Those (many) who have been supportive, it is deeply appreciated, you still have me in tears. Those who tried and failed, your intentions are deeply appreciated.
((( Sparkplug ))) (<-- being careful of the sunburn )
I can say from having PTSD, that once you know you have it, it is likely that the hardest part is over. When I learned what caused me to have these crazy thoughts or non thoughts as you may...I stopped. It was as if I now had a margin in which to play. I found if I started to slip and feel kind of out of control, I knew what it was and somehow I have not had these thoughts for many years now.
I had been diagnosed as bipolar once, after a 15 minute session with a psychiatrist who promptly prescribed Lithium (WTF?) and arranged for therapy sessions with a woman who was quite anxious to share all her woes of her first three marriages and her concerns about the fourth she was on at the time.
When the doctor who was treating me inpatient heard, he became quite derisive of his own profession (which I deeply appreciated) and told me that any doctor who considered my symptoms and diagnosed me as bipolar should have his license revoked. Now that I understand more of the symptomology of this, I haven't been nearly so troubled.
My doctor tells me he believes I will off the meds entirely in a couple of months, for pretty much the same reasons you experienced relief. He is going to be giving me new ways to train my brain to think about things. "Minimization of importance" is showing a big difference already.
When you don't understand what is happening it is scary and seems very important. But that just forces your brain to make a stronger connection to that reaction, which is the opposite of the desired effect. Now that I understand what is happening, it doesn't seem as important so the reaction isn't as severe and doesn't make as big an impact on future thought processes.
All—except silentwatcher,
I do hope you will be able to overlook silentwatcher. Those who speak from ignorance can't help but aim for the groin. I believe it is unintentional. It may be that silentwatcher didn't notice that this was in the Private Discussion & SUPPORT section. I am willing to give the benefit of doubt on that score alone.
With profound respect and appreciation,
AuldSoul
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing that with everyone. It was beautiful and really makes me stop and appreciate life and to let everyone who touches my life know that I appreciate them. I had a situiation with my sister where everything was great and nothing seemed wrong then out of the blue she tried to commit suicide and it was a real wake up call for my family and friends. Its sometimes the people that you least expect it that need the love and appreciation that we sometimes take for granted. Weird thing... my sister called me for no apparent reason right as I was typing this. Life is weird sometimes. I had to let her know I loved her and told her I don't tell her that enough. Thank you for sharing that with us auld soul.
Ok I have to say this just once on this board. And if another mod wants to edit it so be it
silentwatcher SHUT THE F**K UP!!!
Ok that feels better.
For all the rest of you:
I too have been to that edge. Lived there every single day for years. I thought I was alone. It takes so much courage to open a wound and let people know you are no longer there due to the kindness of strangers around the world. My plans were set. I had asked people to watch over my children. I was ready.
But I realized I didn't want to be dead. I needed the pain to stop.
I have posted a lot of my life on this board. What happened is pretty open. How I felt about it is sitting on my website in my poetry.
Sometimes those of us who have suffered greatly are able to reach deep inside to offer what we know will help them. And ultimately that is what we need. It is so easy to offer support, understanding and compassion to others. It is much harder to realize and accept that we deserve the same things for ourselves.
I KNOW that over the 21 years since I left the WTS I have helped hundreds of people.I know this because they have told me. I have seen the growth and change needed for them to feel they deserve life.
I share my story so others know they are not alone. Being treated like garbage, useless, stupid people erodes the heart, soul and mind of a person. By sharing our stories we realize the worth in others and the worth inside each of us.
If I had gone through with my plans I would not have seen my daughters get married. I would not have held my grandchildren.
I would not have shared in the joy of watching so many people move away from the edge.
The only reason to die is that you don't want to live anymore. That is not the same as making the pain go away. There are others ways to do that.
And there are hundreds of great reasons to live. Most you could never dream of
AuldSoul
I applaud you man. You are stronger than you know
