Nos I can totally relate to your feelings, I'm glad you have this place to come and express them without fear of condemnation. It's good to get them out and it's also good to have a good cry a real good hard gut wrenching cry. My therapist said the harder you cry the kind where you are heaving and your belly is aching are the best cleansing cries. She said some people need hours of this type of crying to release all the emotional garbage. So cry! Cry hard! No one ever died from crying but many a soul has been lost from holding it in.
It's amazing how people all around me have been wrong on so many things. "When you get older, you'll come to appreciate your parents and feel that love for them". I was told this when I was a teenager. I'm 28 now, and I don't feel that way at all. I've also been told that babies change people, especially grandparents. I have a feeling that's not going to happen either.
We're all given two chances at this parent thing, first one you can't pick your parents or as a little kid tell them they aren't good parents to you, second chance you get to be the parent and it's your chance to be the kind of parent your child really needs.
I know you'll do the second part really well and your children will be proud to call you their daddy! Make it fun and make it all the things you wanted and needed as a child. You get a second chance kiddo and a well lived life is the best revenge!