I am hurt, my wife had a miscarriage and still my family didn't contact me

by jwfacts 59 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TheListener

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I'm also sorry that your family isn't being there for you in a time of need.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  • prophecor
  • BluesBrother

    Condolences to both Mr and Mrs J W Facts..

    Sorry to hear of the bad news and the cold hearted treatment by your family. In fact,they could easily have justified a contact in these circumstances as "necessary family business" . It is not every day that a tragedy happens

    Sadly, loyalty to the borg does come above family ties and changes people.

  • shunnedone


    I am very sorry for your loss. It just boggles the mind at how strong a hold WT society can have on people. Again, sorry for your loss.

  • IronClaw
    My family were always very close. To be suddenly shut out from them has shocked me, as I can not believe that they are that sort of people. I am struggling to come to terms with what sort of people my family are. What does it say about them; or is this barbaric religion so powerful that it can change a persons personality that much?

    ((((( Mr.and Mrs. JwFacts )))))

    You have my deepest condolences.

    The way they are treating you speaks volumes about the religion cult that they are in.

  • misanthropic

    my condolences. (((((jwfacts & wife))))))

  • garybuss

    Hi Paul,

    Sorry about the miscarriage. Some Witness people like some of my relatives and inlaws can be mean. Now's not the time, but there may be a future appropriate time to set up some reasonable boundaries. My wife and I agreed that anyone who shuns one of us is not welcomed by the other. Anyone who shuns or snubs my wife better not ever contact me.

    It sounds like this is your first family shunning. The first few shocked me too. The shunning throws the family out of balance for a time. That's it's purpose. The Witnesses will try hard to cause or promote a division. If a division already exists, the Witnesses will try to widen it. They least expect a family to stick together. Your family has experienced at least two major tragedies.

    John Bradshaw wrote about the family as a mobile. When one weight on one arm changes, it changes the dynamics of the whole mobile and it's out of balance and it ceases to function properly. That's what happens to a family like ours when we have Witness dynamics at play. A family out of balance seldom knows how to fix itself in reasonable time. A good family therapist can help get that mobile back in balance in a good way in a few weeks. Now's the time.

    My wife's relatives who disrespected me, were banned from visiting OR CALLING our home for about 5 years. Now they're on restrictions. :-) If my wife suffers a tragedy, her relatives can call her and not talk to me. I prefer not to have to talk to them:-) My family of origin relatives haven't called her for decades.

    We have an agreement that no one is welcome to visit or call us who doesn't respect us both. That seems logical to a family not Jehovah's Witness. Jehovah's Witnesses are so used to disrespect and breach of boundaries that they virtually have no healthy defences. Make and enforce rules. Establish and defend boundaries.

    My problem was with my wife, not with the relatives calling her. By her accepting calls from people who would not talk to me, SHE was shunning me. I didn't have a problem with Jehovah's Witnesses, they're expected to be jerks. I had a problem with my wife. We had to get that resolved FAST. She was so used to disrespecting me she didn't know she was disrespecting me by associating with people who were shunning me.

    That's why there are so many divorced ex Witnesses. We refuse to put up with the disrespect. If a spouse continues to disrespect us, we refuse to live like that any more.

    Try to get set up with a therapist when the dust from all this settles.

  • anewme

    I too am sorry to hear of more despicable shunning behaviour and its aftermath of anguish and sorrow.

    You think you know the faults of the watchtower until you experience personally the full force of its shameful hurtful shunning practices. Your eyes are opened anew to the grip of power it holds over its adherents.

    You two sweethearts need to surround yourself with your true friends at this time and forget forever those caught up in this cult. Get busy with creating another precious child to dry your tears. That is when the tears will start flowing out of other eyes!!

    This whole nightmare will go away when we can expose the watchtower cult for what it is and and bring it down and free our family and friends who remain trapped in fear and dread.


  • Robdar


    My condolences to you and your wife.

    Your family may be shunning you but that doesn't mean that you can't tell them off. Why not write a letter telling them how hurt and disgusted you are by their callousness?

  • codeblue

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss and for your wife as well.

    Maybe one day your family will realize that the truth(tm) isn't the truth and will be asking for your forgiveness for not showing you love during this most difficult time in your life.

    I have went thru a bit of shunning myself (not df'd or da'd) but understand how I want my JW family to still love me. I have come to terms that I need to dwell on my "real friends" that give me support and make me feel good about myself.

    Sending you and your wife much positive energy to help you cope thru your loss.



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