Thank you all so much for your replies. I have taken on board all the comments.
I know that you may think I am mad giving the date of my JC, but I was already 'outed' as posting on this board by a sister in my cong some months back. She told my husband who I was (Rebel) etc. However, my husband knows I post on an 'apostate' site but has not told the elders. I admit, he thinks I do not bother with this board much anymore (little does he know) but he still stays silent to the BOE. He is so petrified of me being DFd and dying at the big A, that's all he thinks about. He is really well-and-truly brainwashed and cannot accept any of my thoughts or doubts. He doesn't want to hear them. I don't want to lose him and I really don't know what to do. I get really angry sometimes and I feel I don't care what happens. Then I talk to hubby and he makes me feel so guilty - I don't want to hurt him. I know how badly it will reflect on him if I am DFd.
My friend, who mentioned my comments to the elders isn't trying to stir up trouble either. She is a really nice person and is really worried about me. She says she would be blood-guilty if she keeps quiet about my doubts???? I do understand her - I would have probably felt the same 5 years ago - but it really is stupid. She is incapable of thinking for herself - she takes all her problems to the elders. It is so sad.
The WTS does not have a monopoly on God. They do not own him or JC or the Bible. Why shouldn't I be able to voice my opinion on certain scriptures without being ostracized? They give their view on scriptures, and I give mine - what's the problem? I am baffled! I know I shouldn't be - the elders and my husband are a bunch of control freaks - but I am still at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to go to my JC and lie that I didn't say this or that - that will be making my friend out to be a liar - she isn't! I did voice some doubts to her - I know now it was unwise and I never discuss anything with anyone anymore - but she was a close friend, someone I have known for years. We have been through a lot together. Stupid me for letting my guard down!
Love to all