Our experience: Wife became inactive. C.O visited with an elder from our congregation. I was not present. Wife was very careful with what she revealed, but C.O. got on the platform and gave a talk about her anyway. Singled her out as walking dead. I believe it was a marking talk. She learned about it from another sister and wrote him a letter telling him that talking about his impressions from a personal visit, on the platform, had discouraged her further. He phoned to apologize.
I told the BOE I felt, with my wife’s inactive status, I should step down. They contacted the C.O. Met with the BOE and C.O. They all felt I should not step down, that the congregation understood the situation and my wife’s spiritual demise would not be considered ‘my fault’. This stepping down thing was going nowhere, so a few meetings later, just before the announcements, I handed the ministerial servant going to the platform a note to read saying “The elders wish to advise the congregation that for the present time brother Wheels will not be serving as an elder”. He read the announcement.
My wife now believes it is best not to meet. After the C.O. visit she began using the phrases “I just don’t feeling comfortable discussing my personal situation” “too painful to talk about” “nothing to be done” which has worked well for her. And they have tried to meet with her many times.
Myself, I’ve talked to quite a few, and have been quite open that my beef is with the Watchtower. I won’t allow any JW to come into our home and I would not attend a formal meeting for encouragement otherwise. The last time the C.O. turned up I kept him on the step, in the winter cold, even though it was evident he wanted in. We talked about 15 minutes. If they want to talk I bring up disturbing points that are not debatable. Tell them I’m really disturbed and troubled. I would never answer THE QUESTION however and I think they know it. After all they were the ones that taught us how to use theocratic warfare LOL.
Each congregation treats the inactive situation differently. Some ignore them and don’t even visit. Some try to bring them back. Others prefer to get rid of them. My experience says if you want to fade don’t profess fatigue or depression just let them know kindly that this is a ‘no help’ situation.
Oh, and be careful what you tell your hubby. He may open up to other elders, wanting help to correct your viewpoint. When other elders see you can’t be helped, his info could be used against you.
Good Luck SW!