My parents sent the elders after me

by atacrossroads 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • atacrossroads
    atacrossroads

    I stopped regulary attending meetings and going in field service in January. The elders have left me alone for the most part I think because of my JW husband. Last week my parents came over and told me I needed to come back to meetings. They asked me to give it 6 months and totally devote myself to Jehovah and his organization. They said this limbo I was living was hurting to many people and I was hurting my relationship with Jehovah most of all. I asked them what would happen in 6 months and I no longer wanted to attend meetings or go in field service. They said we could cross that bridge when we got to it. I told them all they were doing was trying to delay the inevitable. I decided to put them out of their limbo and told them I was out for good and I was not going back.

    They did not take that well at all. In fact they became very angry. I did not recognize them they were so mad. I was accused of being selfish and they wanted to know what happened and what had I been filling my head with. I was being a bad wife that my behavior caused my husband to resign as a MS. They went off about my cousin falling into apostacy and asked me if I was an apostate. They were asking question after question. It was very tense but I told them I did not want to discuss my beliefs at this time.

    My mom grabbed me by the hand like I was a kid and tried to pull me to my bedroom and she was like put your meeting clothes on we are going to KH. I asked her and my dad to leave and they refused. They were determined that I was going to the meeting with them that evening. My husband told them to leave and their hysterics was making things worse. He literally pushed them out the door and walked them to their car.

    He came back inside and he was very upset and he said he never though he would see the day when he would have to make my parents leave the house. He said he thought they would encourage me and not go off on me. He told me that he does not know what to do with our current situation. He said if I was having an affair or a drug addiction he would know what to do. That night was crazy but my husband did something he does not do and he skipped the meeting. We went to dinner and saw a movie. I am not going to read anything into that. I honestly think he just did not want to deal with my parents. So I figured that was the end of it. My parents would give me the silent treatment for a while and would come around later. Not so much.

    A few days later I get a knock at the door and 2 elders were there. I have known them for years and they were very sad. They said my parents had told them I made the decision to permanently stop attending meetings. They asked if there was anything they could do to enourage me. I told them no and I thanked them for stopping by but there was nothing I wished to discuss with them. The elder I had known the longest said I was being very guarded and wondered why that was. I acted like I did not know what he was talking about. He asked me if I read or had association with anyone that would make me want to stop being a witness. Again I acted like I did not know what he was talking about. He got very frustrated with me and he asked do you believe the faithful and discreet slave is directed by Jehovah and I cut him right off and acted all offended. I told them I had nothing to say and shut the door in their face.

    I was so relieved it was my parents and not my husband they sent the elders after me. They have nothing on me. They are right I am very guarded on what I have said openly. I think I have said enough to my husband that could get me summoned to a JC but he has not said anything. I know I have not heard the last from them. The elders showed up when they knew my husband was gone. In witness world isn't he my head and should he not have been there when they spoke to me? He said they never mentioned anything to him about stopping by. Of course not. They wanted to surprise me.

    That started a whole other conversation from my husband about how I would probably get disfellowshipped eventually because I associate with apostates. I am trying so hard to prevent that. I understand now why people DA themselves so they don't have to deal with elders and relatives at their door when you least expect it. I am not going to do that and I will not meet with any elders. My marriage for now seems more stable than it has been in a long time but now I have my parents and the elders after me.

  • possum
    possum
    Been there done that!! all that emotional blackmail. Really hard when I realized that black and white thinking is so entrenched my "anointed parent" loved me on the condition that I was either a witness or demonized.....fast forward as far as I can tell not demonized, marriage intact. Does any "loving" god or family really want us to sit and pretend to worship him in a kingdom hall or anywhere??? Be happy, be whole. I have never bothered to disassociate myself. its none of there business who I speak to or what I do....remember WT works because its a high control cult....don't' play the game....
  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    I was accused of being selfish and they wanted to know what happened and what had I been filling my head with.

    Introduce your parents to Mr. Mirror. Tell them to take a good, long look and see if they see anyone they recognize!


    My husband told them to leave ... He literally pushed them out the door and walked them to their car.

    Your parents are out of control.

    A few days later I get a knock at the door and 2 elders were there. I have known them for years and they were very sad.

    Oh, well. It sucks to be them. Tell them that you are not responsible for the mental or emotional health.

    They asked if there was anything they could do to enourage me.

    Yes, go away!

    The elder I had known the longest said I was being very guarded and wondered why that was.

    Answer: Because this is a cult and if I tell you what I really think and how I really feel you'll throw the religious equivalent of a temper tantrum and disfellowship me and then everyone I know will shun me. Duh!

    He asked me if I read or had association with anyone that would make me want to stop being a witness.

    Yes. I've read the WT publications and associated with JWs for years. That was all it took!

    He got very frustrated with me and he asked do you believe the faithful and discreet slave is directed by Jehovah

    Answer: Ya' know, I agree with Brother Jackson of the Governing Body when he said it would be presumptuous to think that they are the only spokesmen for God on Earth!

    BTW, Brother Elder, I'm sorry you're frustrated, but you really need to take responsibility for your own emotional state and stop blaming others, in this case me.

    The elders showed up when they knew my husband was gone.

    Well that's just wrong. If you didn't know before that this is a cult, you know now.

    I am trying so hard to prevent [getting disfellowshipped].

    If the elders "invite" you to a judicial committee tell them you'll be happy to attend with your attorney and a recording device. Advise them that if they try to proceed without giving you due process you will sue them personally for slander, libel, defamation of character and alienation of affection.

    They will leave you alone after that.

    Let's review: It's a cult!

  • ToesUp
    ToesUp

    There solution to EVERY problem is meeting attendance, field serve us, etc. They just don't get it. Once you know TTATT there is NO going back. They just can not get that!

    It is a good thing that your marriage is more stable. You can control the Elders and your parents. YOU are in control. You DO NOT have to tell them ANYTHING.

    We have been out for almost 3 years. Our family/friends still to this day do not know why. In fact, they do not really know that we are OUT. It actually is a fun game to play.

    It was VERY loving of your husband to take you to a movie and dinner. If you play your cards right, you will have many more dinners, movies and most importantly FREEDOM! You may have to sacrifice your family and friends to get there but it is so worth it. Hopefully, your husband will remain on your side.

  • possum
    possum
    Oubliette Great detailed reply good for me to revisit!

    Because this is a cult and if I tell you what I really think and how I really feel you'll throw the religious equivalent of a temper tantrum and disfellowship me and then everyone I know will shun me. Duh!
  • Oubliette
    Oubliette

    Possum, glad to be of service. I paid heavily for my knowledge.

    The only satisfaction I can get is to help others not make the same the mistakes I made and possibly avoid the consequences.

    Possum: Does any "loving" god or family really want us to sit and pretend to worship him in a kingdom hall or anywhere???

    Not any God that I'd want to worship. Come to think of it, any God like that wouldn't be worthy of my worship.

  • C0ntr013r
    C0ntr013r

    Well played, hope it works out for you!

  • atacrossroads
    atacrossroads
    They really believe if I went back to KH and FS that would be the answer. I don't expect them to understand but the way they acted was uncalled for. They are usually so loving and I consider myself lucky to have them as parents which makes this all the more painful. My cousin warned me it would happen. He said one wiff of apostacy they can turn into a pack of rabid dogs, I have not even told them my reasons for leaving. If my own parents act like that now I will be shunned for sure if I am df'd.
  • possum
    possum

    Fade if you can

  • atacrossroads
    atacrossroads
    That is the plan.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit