I was a long-time pioneer and respected by many. I got my husband out (he was an elder and pioneer), and then felt I could surely get my family and close friends out also. Those efforts backfired, and, in retrospect, it was a waste of emotional energy to try to get the friends out. But I hear it's a natural initial reaction to waking up from a mind control group. Hassan speaks about this in Combatting Cult Mind Control. Not telling you what to do - just sharing my experience. My personal opinion would be, "get out, move on". Doesn't mean it's right for you. It was for me.
everchangingworld
JoinedPosts by everchangingworld
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42
long time lurker (3-4 years) first time poster
by Patient-dude inhey i have come to love some of the discussions on here and the information.
i am currently awake and have no plans to fade, in my case i am patient enough to in time become an elder to at least help the younger friends here in my area, in the sense of helping them wake up/if elder have their back..
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Distrust and paranoia among faders
by cedars inhi guys.
i'm interested in knowing whether any other faders out there ever find themselves feeling a little paranoid about establishing contact with other faders or former jws, just in case the unthinkable happens and things turn sour.. personally, i'm now fairly comfortable with the idea that i will be disfellowshipped or disassociated within the next year or so.
i see it as inevitable, and an essential transition in order to do what i want to do with my life.
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everchangingworld
I moved to a new city, and I didn't feel paranoid about discussing my lack of belief in the WT to any former JWs - until I realized that some are still hard core believers. Since then, I'm cautious. I wait for them to discuss this first. If they do, then I'm relaxed about jumping in.
I'm still a bit paranoid with active JWs, although the only ones I still have regular contact with are my JW family. They are on my FB, and I am constantly worried that one of my friends will post something that will make JW family freak out - something about a holiday, for example.
The chances of elders coming after me are pretty slim, since I'm in a new city where they don't know me. So it's probably irrational to continue being on edge about the possibility of being excommunicated. But I still feel the stress sometimes.
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Anyone Else from Canada?
by Miss 8572 ini'm really intrigued by that fact that i may know some of you and yet not know that i know you.
i just want to know how many people from canada are here.
if you don't mind and don't care about posting your province (cause i'm too timid to) we could all get an idea of just how many canucks are really out there.
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everchangingworld
Montreal here
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Is it ethical to confess extramarital sex to your spouse
by Most Noble indurex's global sex survey has found that 44% of adults worldwide have had one-night extramarital sex and 22% have had an affair.according to a 2004 united states survey, 16% of married partners have had extramarital sex, nearly twice as many men as women, while an additional 30% have fantasized about extramarital sex.
there were also studies that have shown rates of extramarital sex as low as 2.5%.as many authors conclude, these kinds of estimates are probably understated because extramarital sex is commonly disapproved.. .
what do you think is it ethical to confess an extramarital affair?.
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everchangingworld
I completely agree with those who say that if it was a moment of weakness, WHAT is the point of confessing to spouse? What good would this accomplish? It will only make the mate feel bad - for a very long time. And, yes, if it was unprotected, then the ethical thing is to get tested for an STD. The other ethical thing is to not do it again (unless you have a mutual agreement that the other is ok with it).
I know that if my mate had a sexual fling, I would prefer not to know. It would just bring up insecurities when really we're all human and these things can happen - and they do happen.
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need to talk/vent. wifey wt problems
by unstopableravens inmy wife ask me if im going to make up the assmebly, i reminder her that i in clean conscience can not go anymore,as soon as the word anymore came out the tears started flooding.
it hurts me to see her like this.
i talked to her calm trying to explain why i cant worship with doctrine that is so clearly wrong.
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everchangingworld
Raven, I feel for you (and for your wife). When I came out and told my mate that I no longer believed in the org., I saw him shed tears for the second time in our 7 year marriage (the first time was at a family member's funeral). It broke my heart. He asked me if I would still do family worship with him. We were hard core JWs (both had been clocking 70 hrs/month, "need greatering" - it really was our entire life).
I ended up going to the meetings with him anyway. It was nauseating, but I wanted to meet him part way, so I kept going on the condition that I could keep asking questions about my doubts. (This might not work in reverse, since I know he felt he was the "spiritual head" and would have to "help" me, but it worked for me. After every meeting and during every "family worship" session, I asked MANY questions. I was careful not to say anything negative about the GB/org, only questions about how do we know Jesus picked them/where's the proof. A few months later he was out with me. Not saying it would work for everyone, but I think had I attacked the GB while he was still a believer, I would have messed it up.
Wish you the best.
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any ex-jw's in southern ontario, canada? Toronto, Barrie?
by slimk inhi everyone, i'm new to this forum, and somewhat new to being out of the org [in recovery mode at present], and i'm looking to meet some fellow ex-jw's in person.
now that i'm "out" making new friends has proven to be a bit tricky since i'm a tad socially stunted due to my past.
btw i'm a guy in my late 20's..
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everchangingworld
Lived (and pioneered) in Toronto for over a decade, but not living there now. Left on doctrinal grounds, mostly. I know quite a few others that have left that are still in TO. Feel free to PM me.
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Minimus' Post Gave Me Courage To Finally Post My Questions, New Here
by toweragent ini have been "lurking" for about four years now.. it was an incredibly weird experience just to look at a site like jwn or freeminds.
he came off very loving.. so, i decided that i would talk to one of my elders about the things i read.
if any of you have time to read this, thank you.
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everchangingworld
@unstopableravens and @DubR, it might be best to take this kind of debate on a new thread. The issue here is a person trying to sort our their beliefs on the WT. Had I read your back and forth a year ago when I started having my own crisis of faith, I would have been more confused and probably would have hoped even more that the WT was right. Just saying.
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Minimus' Post Gave Me Courage To Finally Post My Questions, New Here
by toweragent ini have been "lurking" for about four years now.. it was an incredibly weird experience just to look at a site like jwn or freeminds.
he came off very loving.. so, i decided that i would talk to one of my elders about the things i read.
if any of you have time to read this, thank you.
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everchangingworld
I had similar thoughts. I started thinking that maybe the org and the leaders weren't as perfect as I had once thought, but that there was still evidence that God was using them. What I saw as "evidence" was: the preaching work, the global scope of the organization, and some of the basic teachings that at the time I thought were much more biblical that other "christian" religions.
Before I started researching the history of JWs, I started comparing other religions outside of WT materials. I found that there wasn't much to set JWs apart, because the others also seemed to back up their teachings to scriptures, and some taught basically the same stuff as witnesses (no hell fire, no soul that lives on after death, etc.
This is pretty interesting on JWfacts: http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/similar-religions-to-jehovahs-witnesses.php
So in the end, they isn't much that makes the JWs that different. It left me thinking that there is absolutely zero evidence they are the group "chosen" by Christ or God.
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Minimus' Post Gave Me Courage To Finally Post My Questions, New Here
by toweragent ini have been "lurking" for about four years now.. it was an incredibly weird experience just to look at a site like jwn or freeminds.
he came off very loving.. so, i decided that i would talk to one of my elders about the things i read.
if any of you have time to read this, thank you.
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everchangingworld
Welcome!
I can totally relate to the feeling of "wanting" it to be true!
I was in my 30s when I realized I had to face some major doubts - but I was really scared. I didn't see how life outside the organization could have any meaning.
Without what I had always thought was truth, life seemed empty, a dark hole. I didn't want to lose my friends either. I had been pioneering since high school - I didn't want all those sacrifices to have been for nothing. BUT I couldn't ignore my doubts. If the org. wasn't God's channel, I needed to know so that I could live the rest of my life accordingly. I was also terrified of what it would mean for my marriage - my husband was an elder and pioneer.
Anyway, I wish you the best. Take your time to do research. Don't be afraid of what you find. To have to constantly reconcile every thought is exhausting - I have found that having to start my belief system from scratch was much easier.
Have you looked at the book "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan? It might be an interesting exercise to see parallels between JWs and many other religions/groups.
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Believers, do you believe in evolution?
by everchangingworld inafter leaving, i still couldn't wrap my head around evolution (after the years of seing "intelligent design" in everything around me).. there's a series of videos that give a good intro to evolution and critical thinking.
they've probably been posted here before, but, for any new members, these are worth watching.. evolution: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdddbyilel0.
critical thinking: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6olpl5p0fmg.
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everchangingworld
"I'm of the position that everything that lives is and has a soul. "
Parasites have souls?