You are going through what all off us have gone through in one way or another.
I left 25 years ago, my husband left me not long after we left "the troof" together, my teenage kids got into trouble with drugs etc, my JW parent were saying see this is what happens when you leave "the troof".
25 years years later I look back on my life and I wouldn't change a thing. The reason why is every decision that I made after leaving the cult, was made with an open mind, living life to the full no matter what has happened. I live with passion and give life a 100% with no regrets.
That beats sitting in mind numbing meeting, trying to cope with boredom and trying to come up with reasons I couldn't got "door to door" and feeling guilty every day because I couldn't keep up with the drudgery.
My children and now in their 30's and are very balanced, caring, responsible and independent adults.
I married a man who is not religious and who is very passionate about life, I do not get sick anymore, still work 6 days and week, I get up every morning enjoying every day for what is has to offer.
I still don't have all the answers, but we have our conscience that tell us what is right and wrong, if we following our gut we will always be on the right track.