Posts by ruderedhead

30

A JW husband emailing his ex-girlfriend after his wife reveals her apostasy

by JimmyPage in

jw
friends

a woman i've known for years recently confided in me.

she told me she found out her jw husband had been secretly e-mailing his jw ex-girlfriend.

he was telling his ex about how difficult it had been for him since his wife was now basically an apostate.

ruderedhead

As always, the people on here have great insight. May I add to this?

She needs to be quiet for a while, and make sure she gets a paper trail. Print out what she can from the computer & keep it in a safe place. Forward any txt msgs to her phone(making sure to erase the forward from his phone so he doesn't know.) Anything she can get. If she decides she has had enough, she can take copies to his elders as well as the womans, mail evidence to the co and NY. They know full well what they are doing is frowned upon. He is a sneaky little bas****, and will continue this. He's playing the poor me game. Isn''t there a scripture that says you may win your husband over without a word? Doesn't that apply to wives as well? Who's the real apostate?

4

Disfellowshipping and different cultures

by man in black in

jw
friends

.

my wife and i walked away from the jw religion 6 years ago.. she works at a school part-time, and several of the maintenance people are hispanic and active jw's from our area.. they go out of their way to be friendly, but always in a somewhat guarded way.. we were talking about this last night, and she thinks that different cultures do not respect or honor the df / da requirements of the jw religion the same across the board.. i don't believe that,,,, from what i've seen over the years shunning a non believer who leaves or is df'ed is a pretty standard thing.

or is it true that different areas, or cultures adapt their own way of handling this belief?.

ruderedhead

I don't know about the da/df thing, but I do know that when I was in I would see some jw's from other cultures do things that would have gotten me in trouble, and it was ignored. When I inquired about it, cause I wasn't the only one witnessing it, I was told it was part of their culture, and a scripture would sometimes be quoted. But they were already witnesses, so I thought right is right and wrong is wrong for everyone. That's crap!

15

con artist JW

by outsmartthesystem in

jw
friends

so my good ol soon to be ex father in law told me a few years ago (before i had told him of my horrible apostate ideas) about a "client" of his.

my fil used to be involved in the insurance/finance industries.

he had a lady client that was about 20 years older than him.

ruderedhead

Rip makes a good point. All of the things that you say he does for her, are things her family should be doing. Why haven't they? I think you need to know the answer to that before you do anything. If it is because your ex-fil insists that he wants to do it and tells her don't bother the kids, that is one thing. But why aren't they checking on Mom? If her family were told of this, would they just put her in a nursing home, take control of her assests and leave her alone as it appears they have done? I think you need more of the story.

6

Biding her time to strike.

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

i tell you, it truely amazes me how ignorant i allowed myself to be in regards to the teachings of this religion when my wife and i married over 20 years ago.

i still can't get over it and forgive myself believing her when she told me after we got married that the jw religion wasn't for her.

perhaps because i am now immersed in the consequences of putting myself through this willful ignorance because of a suspicion i had that finding out ttatt is a rabbit hole that would only lead to more questions than answers in the long term.

ruderedhead

Married, you are in a rough place, but in all honesty, you are complacent in this relationship. You don't like confrontation I am assuming. Your wifes family has replaced you as the head, but they are not paying the bills. I hate to say this, but you seriously need to get a pair. You are a meal ticket to her. What do you mean none of the advice here has helped much? I think perhaps you don't want to rock the boat. ROCK IT, dear married. Exercise your headship. You have been a doormat long enough.

If you have visited jwfacts, you have information that she cannot deny reasonably. These are your children as well. You MUST save them from this false religion.That is your responibility as their parent. Please exercise your headship. I realize that you do not need an all out war with your wife, however you need to plan outings with your kids during most meeting times. Non-negotiable. You run your household, not the wt, or wifes family. I think you wife is in mostly due to her mothers influence, probably has doubts. That may work in your favor, if you proceed with respect. The ball is in your court.

21

What kind of cigar are you smoking, alcohol are you drinking, or other pleasure enjoying tonight?

by Comatose in

it's a chilean wine for the spouse and a coffee and brown sugar infused cigar for me.

quite nice.

.

ruderedhead

While I normally drink Pinot Grigio, tonight I am having absolut and diet citrus iced tea. After 5 hours of yard work, and another 5 staring me in the face tomorrow, I need something stronger than wine tonight! My back is getting too old for this !

51

HI! im new here...

by outofthelionsden in

i have been reading post on this forum for many months and i wanted to thank you all for all the great posts and comments that have really helped me get through this hard year of fading.

my husband and i where born in jdubs and almost 1 year ago we started to fade , now that we think about it has been a few years that we were suffering from cognitive dissonance without knowing it.

we feel that finally we have our life back , a life that is just starting.

ruderedhead

Welcome! How wonderful that your husband is exiting with you. Sad that your other family members are shunning you, but it is their loss. Did the Aunts/Uncles/cousins that your family shunned become jw's? If not, could you possibly re-connect with them? All the best to you!

39

Off to the Doctor.

by LouBelle in

jw
friends

in a couple of hours i'm going to the doctor - an intervention.

i don't want to be a burdon to my mother, she has her own life to lead with her own responsibilities.

i've always been able to take care of everything for myself.

ruderedhead

Good for you, LouBelle! I'm so happy and relieved you are getting the professional help you need. I was worried about you. Please keep us posted. (((LouBelle)))

12

Advice on being an enabler to my unbaptized JW son

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

ok i feel almost embarrassed coming to this board and asking advice about something that my common sence has already answered for me, but i hesitate because of possible fall out unique to jw issues.

most of my posts on this board lately have been about my 21 year old son's involvment with the jw's encouraged by jw mom, both knowing i'm against what they teach.

i've gotten some good advice on this board by some of you who answered a previous post of mine related to my concern of me being an enabler to my 21 year old son.

ruderedhead

married, you already know the answer. You just need confirmation that you're doing the right thing, and I think you have received that here. You are in a very tough situation, and I feel for you.But you have to allow your son to become the man he is capable of becoming.I believe 2Thess. 3:10 might help you. Show it to your son. He must some day be able to support himself.I know there is a scripture that speaks to a man supporting his family, perhaps someone can help you with that one.

His mother and her jw family are crippling him in order to get him into their religion. They don't see it that way, but that's what is happening. It's up to you, my friend. It will be hard on you. But at 21, living at home with no expenses, he should be able to pay his own way to an amusement park! Why isn't he embarrassed that he can't? Have you tried sitting down with him and mapping out a plan for his future? Where does he want to be in 5 years? 10? How will he accomplish those goals? Please tell your wife that she is not to give a grown man with no job, is not looking very hard for one, and who is not attending school any money! All the best to you!

11

When all seems ok....

by Tylinbrando in

many of you know what has been transpiring with my daughter and the abuse she suffered for years at the hands of a congregation elder.

the abuser is still incarcerated awaiting trial.. today she had a substitute teacher that reminded her of the abuser.

there was a confrontation and she had a breakdown.

ruderedhead

So sorry your precious daughter is going through this. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

38

I think I've planted a seed!

by OneDayillBeFree in

i could be wrong, but i can't help but be a bit optimistic.last night my parents and i had our "family worship night".

i hate it, and i believe my mother does too.

my dad only does it because he's an elder but last night even he was acting like he didnt want to do it.

ruderedhead

Well played! Now please allow this to marinate for a few days in your Dad's head. Take this VERY slowly. He may talk to others at the hall about what he has discovered, and they may sway or intimidate him. Old light, new light crap.Wait on the organization. (Most would call it covering their butts!)

Remember, this is the way of life your parents know, and you may just be rocking their world.No one likes to have beliefs they have held dear suddenly shown to be false. Baby steps. Please have other small questions ready for the next family night. I think your father just may do some investigating of his own. Please do NOT let them know you already know the truth any time soon. If you are patient, and play your cards well, you may all leave together!