So am i, although it has only been two years for me. I'd like you to think of something here. Remember JWs saying you can leave Jehovah, (the organisation) however Jehovah never leaves you! When I was fully indoctrinated, I thought this to be Jehovah always trying to draw you back. Now I'm out, I see this as being more sinister.
The Watchtower are extremely good indoctrination, they know exactly what to use psychologicaly - ""If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it" Joseph Goebbels - The Watchtower are big on repetition for emphasis, see the correlation here?
In short, the Watchtower instilled in us some very powerful teachings, we were programmed to think differently from the world, we were told that the only shelter from the wicked world was being at meetings regularly, and of course, field service, we were told that if we did not do this, then Jehovah would be very angry with us. We could also be classed as blood guilty if we did not go in service. Imagine how powerful these words are.
There are so many things wrong with the teachings of the Watchtower. Instead of it being a spiritual paradise, it is more akin to spiritual abuse. We were abused mentally, That does not go away overnight.
I should mention I am now seeing a CBT therapist, I, like yourself have reached the limit. But do not ever give up. There was a video recently on how the Watchtower programs us, even when we have left. They install a self destruct button in us all. This can work in severel ways. It can manifest in us crawling back with our tales between our legs, which is their ultimate goal. As with any abusive relationship, the abuser will always use this against us. Or (sadly) as with many who have left and got lost in this perceived scary world we could end it all. Another win for the Watchtower. Or we can find our map and plot a way out, this may include many hours of therapy, but isn't this worth it.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”– Mahatma Gandhi