I feel I was an honest eager student of the bible UNTIL I was appointed as a servant. Then I was too busy, I could barely keep up with studying the WT stuff, preparing talks, etc.. Then I became an elder - 5 years I never even finished studying the Flock book well.
It is understood that the Bible can only be understood thru the "Governing Body". If you have to choose between the WT and the Bible you NEED the WT. They will even state that congregations that are seperated from the "light" of the WTBS will revert to Christendoms teachings.
I still feel embarrassed of what I taught others - tho I do feel good about the emotional support I gave to many. I was known for being kind and not dogmatic, but I never was very good at obeying the "Rules".
I've studied the bible more in the last 2 years since I stepped down than I ever did before.