Posts by Orgull

40

WHA WAS THE TURNING POINT FOR YOU IN JWS

by chuckyy in

hi.. just wondering what it was that first made you realise that jws didnt have the absolute "truth"?

was there a specific event/turning point for you or was it a moment of enlightenment?.

chukky.

Orgull

I was reading a novel in which a character who was a biblicar scholar gave reasons why he couldn't believe in the bible. One of the reasons was that he claimed the resurrection accounts in the four gospels are different. I immediately said, "No they're not. this guy doesn't know what he's talking about!" But just to be sure I went and read each gospel account of Jesus' resurrection and to my horror discovered that they are different.

This led me to ask the question, "What else do I merely believe without having proven it to myself?" So I started reading and studying harder. The more I read and studied, the less the teachings of the WTS made sense to me. Evenutally I realized that my faith was borrowed, I'd never made "the truth" my own. Good thing too since it makes no sense at all when you really get down to it.

27

I'M NEW WISHED IWOULD HAVE FOUND THIS SITE A LONG TIME AGO

by okiesooner1966 in

here is part of my story until i have more time.

i am know 30 years old, i have been married for almost 9 years to someone who has no relgous ties at all.

i was baptized when i was 19 due to pressure from my family, they wanted me to to get baptized when i was 16. i think i may hold the record for most comitee meetings probably about 20, i was publilcly reproved and disassociated.

Orgull

Welcome!

49

Hello, I'm new here!

by Lone_Wolf in

my story is much like others.

i have found a faith to call my own, thankfully.

my parents don't agree with it, though they are very much still in my life, whether it's in my head or on the phone.

Orgull

Welcome!

49

God help me - Just finished Crisis of Conscience

by Orgull in

i don't know whether to laugh or cry.. a friend lent me coc yesterday and i stayed up most of the night reading it.

it took me 13 hours and i skipped the meeting today to keep reading, i couldn't bear to put it down.. i am shocked but not surprised at how closely ray's thinking mirrors my own in some ways.

the part that hit me hardest was.... "conviction, it has no meaning or validity unless it is individual, personal.

Orgull

Thanks for all the wonderful encouraging comments.

@ Mulan: I'm having that very problem. I've missed both meetings now since reading it. I don't know if I can face going back at all.

162

Blondie needs encouragement

by blondie in

jw
friends

i have been battling an incurable illness and will be able to post less and less.

i will post my email, and any help you cna asend my way will be appreciated.

there is treatment but no cure and no cancer yet.

Orgull

HUG

49

God help me - Just finished Crisis of Conscience

by Orgull in

i don't know whether to laugh or cry.. a friend lent me coc yesterday and i stayed up most of the night reading it.

it took me 13 hours and i skipped the meeting today to keep reading, i couldn't bear to put it down.. i am shocked but not surprised at how closely ray's thinking mirrors my own in some ways.

the part that hit me hardest was.... "conviction, it has no meaning or validity unless it is individual, personal.

Orgull

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

A friend lent me CoC yesterday and I stayed up most of the night reading it. It took me 13 hours and I skipped the meeting today to keep reading, I couldn't bear to put it down.

I am shocked but not surprised at how closely Ray's thinking mirrors my own in some ways. The part that hit me hardest was...

"Conviction, it has no meaning or validity unless it is individual, personal. To believe because others believe is to have a borrowed conviction and a borrowed faith. To be genuine and to lead to life, these must be the product of one's own mind and one's own heart." - Ray Franz

Part of me had been hanging on to the remote possibility that I was wrong. That there was nothing wrong with the organization or with our beliefs. That the only thing that was "wrong" was my own faith. But I couldn't reconcile the lack of love. I didn't feel love from the congregation or Jehovah and I knew I didn't love my "brothers and sisters" and that I served Jehovah out of habit, not out of love. It was an impossible way to live.

After reading CoC, I feel like I just died. I also feel like I've just been born.

A while back I said I felt no resentment, but I'm beginning to. The first half of my life was spent living a lie. That bothers me and will probably go on bothering me for the rest of my life.

They say that criminals who've spent most of their lives in prison get disoriented and distressed when they finally get paroled later in life. The shock of institutional life, being told when to get up, when and what to eat, what to wear, the clearly defined space in which they live... take that away and the world with all it's possibilities and freedoms is too much to bear. I feel like I've just been let out of prison. Part of me screams for the comfort of my "cell" walls and part of me screams in anguish at my "captors".

I want to live.

I feel born again.

I feel scared to death.

13

Yet another UNBEARABLE meeting of stupidity

by Orgull in

some will remember the painful fiasco of my last meeting.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/141032/1.ashx.

last night was only the bookstudy.

Orgull

Some will remember the painful fiasco of my last meeting. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/141032/1.ashx

Last night was only the Bookstudy. It's only an hour. How bad could it be?

Well I came within seconds of 'Apostacy' and being DF'ed. Whee!

I got asked to read. Just before the meeting started, the Overseer mentioned those who would be leaving the group to go to the newly formed group. My best friend and his wife have been having problems and have missed A LOT of meetings in the past few months. When the Overseer got to their names, the group's Assistant says "Who?" with a big shit-eating grin on his face. As if they haven't been to a meeting in so long we don't know who they are anymore.

I nearly punched him.

So the meeting started and I read through gritted teeth for the first few paragraphs. When we got to the part about "the Bible Students foresaw for 40 years before that 1914 would be the end of the gentile times" I thought "No, they didn't, they thought they were already in Christ's Presence since 1874 and that the Great Tribulation would END in 1914. The understanding that Christ's Presence BEGAN in 1914 wasn't clarified until 1920 in the Watchtower." I read from the paragraph, knowing that I was reading A LIE and it made me sick to my stomach.

But I held back. I stayed calm.

Near the end of the study however, I lost my composure.

When I got to the line about "the light getting brighter" my self-control slipped. I rolled my eyes and read the line with bitter sarcasm. Then I switched back to my normal tone of voice and kept reading.

I fully expected to be called before a JC, but apparently everyone thought my throat had tightened due to phlegm (I suffer from BAD reflux esophagitis) so they overlooked it. -sigh-

I couldn't wait to get out of there. Of course the Italian brother in our group, who's daughter (she's an elders wife) has actually called people up and told them not to invite me to certain gatherings or her and her husband won't 'support' them, well that brother decided I needed a huge bear hug before I left.

Sheesh.

P.S. That sister is permanently pissed off at me because of an incident where she and the other pioneers changed the time of a service arrangement to suit their needs, since they figured no one else would show up that day... but I did, and I raised a fuss and she got in MAJOR shit from the elders for it. So I'm persona non grata to her now. "By this they will know that you are my disciples, if you have love amongst yourselves"... right.

41

What affected you more, growing up in the cult, or a dysfunctional family?

by Bumble Bee in

i think for me, it was the dysfunctional family.

things from my childhood are finally getting to me.

i've tried for so long to just push them to the back of my mind.

Orgull

It's as though you guys are in my head. I've been feeling exactly the same thing. My family is dysfunctional to the extreme. My religion is also dysfunctional to the extreme. Together, it's a wonder I have even the slightest thread of sanity left in me.

No wonder I'm messed up.

Funny thing is, it was my treatment for depression that made me realize that what I was getting from my religion was as bad as what I was getting from my family. Once I stopped being a 'victim', neither my family or my religion worked for me anymore.

Now if I can just throw all this weight off and start living...

53

The meeting tonight was UNBEARABLE

by Orgull in

i had my tms tonight.

for those who don't know me, i no longer believe, but have only just begun my slow fade.. the meeting was unbearable.

first there was the brother who happily pointed out that i'd missed two meetings recently and that he was keeping track.

Orgull

I had my TMS tonight. For those who don't know me, I no longer believe, but have only just begun my slow fade.

The meeting was unbearable. First there was the brother who happily pointed out that I'd missed two meetings recently and that he was keeping track. Brotherly love in action. Then there was the brother who is going away and asked me to water his plants while he's gone. No problem. Oh wait, this is the same brother who's known me and been with me in the same hall for thirty years, but who's only invited me over to his home for a meal... ONCE. And that only after I helped him with an electrical installation he could have handled himself.

So I'm waiting for the meeting to start and I get handed a talk slip. Shudder. Of course I get the second worst possible topic, "You can find joy in doing more in the field ministry." The worst would have been, "If you have doubts, SUPRISE! You're an apostate and will be disfellowshipped." But I digress. So I went to the TMS Overseer and said I couldn't do that talk. He switched me to a nice, harmless talk about defending our blood beliefs. Whee! What a guy.

The meeting started and the B.S. started avalanching in. With my eyes opened, I saw that nearly every scripture was ripped out of it's context and forced to fit with the "Bible based publications" of the WTS. The two times a brother referred to "the Bible says" but then read from The Watchtower really touched my heart. The part about how we don't give enough financially was especially stimulating, and followed by that loving part on how old, sick and depressed people can auxilliary pioneer too if they just pray hard enough, well I was down for the count.

The urge to get up and say, "You're all 'effing' morons!" and then walk out was tremendous.

Sigh. This fade is going to be the death of me.

25

Remember the Movie "Raiders of the Lost Ark"...

by alias in

... towards the end when the bad guys opened the ark and indiana and his lady were tied to the pole, the spiritual unleashing that came out and killed, no, melted all the bad guys?

i was probably 9 or 10 when that movie came out and it literally scared the cheese out of me in the theater.

i was so glad to be a jw at the time because i felt like i just witnessed the power of god and saw what was going to happen to opposers when judgment day came.

Orgull

Classic movie, one of my all-time favorites.

My dad actually referred to scriptures (the ones about the elements being intensely hot will melt) and I figured that would be what Armaggeddon would be like.

Sheesh.