Posts by OnTheWayOut

25

Being a JW kid is hell

by JRK in

in therapy, i was told i should write a letter of grievances to each of my parents.

i really do not have any for my mother, except for things that directly relate to being raised as a jehovah's witness.

upon reflection, my childhood was hell because of the religion and its pernicious corruption of a normal childhood.

My JW mother was all about the end of the world in 1975 and my non-JW dad made sure we didn't miss out on a fairly normal upbringing with birthdays and Christmas and the like. I went to many meetings, was told to fear the end of the world. I don't know that Jehovah's Armageddon was all that real to me, but JW's was the only religion I really learned. I saw a fellow student, Natalie, raised more hardcore JW and she had to leave the classroom for holiday stuff and she didn't say the pledge.

My parents divorced, Mom was DF'ed sometime shortly after 1976 started and went back a few years later. As a young teenager, I wasn't interested in going back with her, so I did not.

I feel for others. It seems I managed to escape many of the "growing up JW problems." I get it, because I have heard it and saw it happening to others. Certainly, I was changed by my JW childhood experiences, but not in such terrible ways as others.

Your letter should be very therapeutic for you. I hope it helps. Writing about things helps me immensely. I wrote a letter to my mother long ago and destroyed it so it couldn't accidentally wind up in her hands.

117

Lloyd’s new book

by jwfacts in

i see there has already been discussion over lloyd’s new book how to leave the jehovah's witnesses.

this includes discussion around his personality, motives and financial gains.

i have written a foreword for this book, because it is an important topic that has not been covered in such a complete format before.

OnTheWayOut

I have to say DITTO to what Slimboyfat says. (Imagine that, WOW!) "The main problem is the frequent display of poor judgment."

Facebook, not really apologising, asking people for money to put something in his book (looking for good material or subject matter, taking creative control away, AND charging for being used) and his thing about Crisis of Conscience, and let's not forget a Gofundme just to contribute so he can write a book.

I liked his videos, so yes it's a shame even I cannot separate the snake oil salesmanship from the product. But really, it's there.

I don't judge others for liking his product, nor buying, contributing, or writing a forward. I can only hold so much grudge, and it doesn't go beyond Lloyd.

Paul, maybe you miss a point about Lloyd. I wrote a book that was received well by ex-JW's and I recognize the tiny market. But I saw how you or Randy Watters or Barb give away your valuable info and I tried to echo the same- my book is available in one free format, one $0.99 digital format, or as a printed book for less than $6. Maybe the market is small, but Lloyd was hoping to squeeze blood out of that turnip.

I basically feel that he wants a salary to write his book, and people to pay him for all the "free" work he has already done supposedly for our sakes. While people like you feel the honor of just helping others, and didn't stop when there really wasn't money in it.

I might could have put that aside if any of his afterthoughts and fake apologies did not sound so similar to those of Watchtower denying "they" had any fault in the 1975 debacle. But it has that same vibe.

46

Memorial.. To go or not to go

by Emily1987 in

jw
friends

so, as some of you will know myself and my husband are in the process of fading.

haven't been to a meeting since beginning of 2017. .

we weren't planning on going to the memorial, but last week my mother broke down and said that we have to go to the memorial even if it's the only meeting i go to this year.

OnTheWayOut

Hard to say. Were it me and if Mom is expecting me to go WITH her, I would be straight up and say "I don't want to cause the elders to start harassing me. If you want me to go, we need to go to a completely different Hall."

Short of that, I would not go. If it's that Mom wants me to be seen by people that know me, I would say no. If my answer is no, I would remind her that JW's say that only the anointed are commanded to participate.

If she just expects me to go ANYWHERE, then I would go to a completely different Hall on my own, arrive last minute and leave immediately, having parked down the street so I could get outta there.

19

Columbia, SC and Arleta, CA members - I need your help

by RunAwayDaughter in

jw
friends

my 18-year-old daughter in columbia, sc ran away to arleta, ca to move in with jw family.

they are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members.

she is surrounded by jws 24 hours a day, seven days a week.. is there anyone in the columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or facetime.

OnTheWayOut

OTWO: When you say "All that is explained in a previous post," we don't know which post and what thread. You started 3 threads about this subject and we don't all read all the pages of even one thread, let alone multiple threads.

Just Fine: I think mom has already made it clear that daughter is going to be punished for moving out. Mom stated in a previous thread that she has already rescinded the college fund daughter had and reallocated it to her youngest son. Mom also is withholding identification from daughter.

See, I skimmed the pages and I didn't catch any of that about punishment and rescinding college funds. If so, you could say that is not so anymore. You don't have to say "I was wrong" or "You were wrong." Just say you want her to go to school so badly that you are willing to forget what was said already.

19

Columbia, SC and Arleta, CA members - I need your help

by RunAwayDaughter in

jw
friends

my 18-year-old daughter in columbia, sc ran away to arleta, ca to move in with jw family.

they are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members.

she is surrounded by jws 24 hours a day, seven days a week.. is there anyone in the columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or facetime.

OnTheWayOut

OnTheWay Out -
Thank you for your response. Right now I'm trying to learn the best approach and trying to learn about JW.
.....

This is the most straightforward post I have read from you. I understand why you might have thought you needed to start out your first post with a bit of deception. You did not know who we are and what we would think.

It is a huge shame that your daughter did not finish high school. She could always go to college later, but finishing school seems to me to be the biggest problem. If you focus on her running off with some guy to some some religion, you may very well become "the persecution" that JW's describe- they say "Your own family members will be opposed to you learning about Jehovah God" or similar crap like that. She is over 18 and considered an adult, so it is not really "running away."

Were I you, this would be my focus- "Just finish high school somehow. Get a GED at the very least." Tell her how nobody knows when the end of the world will come and so many have died of old age waiting for it, so they should have at least gotten a diploma and made enough money to support themselves. "Surely, the Jehovah's Witnesses want you to be self-supportive." (...and that is true.)

Of course you want the best for your daughter, and that would be to finish high school and accept some college offer, but she probably doesn't see this as a desperate situation. We are not cold to what you see. I get that a few bad decisions at this time in her life are ruining her easiest path to a successful career and normal life.

I get that many people miss these opportunities and NEVER get back on track. So I get your desperation. I wish we could convey that to you at the same time we try to convey that she is probably not in real danger. I wish we could tell you there is still a good hope she will finish high school and accept some scholarship offer. Reality tells us that it is probably not going to work out that way. Sorry if that sounds cold, just stating typical reality.

If it's been a very short time, I would plead with her to simply come home to finish high school. I would tell her that there will be no judging, no punishments. You simply want to continue to put a roof over her head for a handful of months so that she can graduate high school. I would say that then she can go do what she wants. I don't know about you, but were it me, I would say that finishing high school is so important in my opinion that I would even tolerate the boyfriend staying in my home if he sincerely tries to find work to pay his own way. I have to imagine that, at the worst, she would have to take an entire semester in summer school or attend her senior year again next year. I would insist that I know how important that is. (Use your own life example if appropriate- "I see how things could have been so different if I had (or had not) done this or that... I only want you to have opportunities that are more available when you are young. You can still live your life any way you want.")

If she insists it's too late for that, then I would just want to tell her you want to stay in her life and she is always welcome at home.

When you say "All that is explained in a previous post," we don't know which post and what thread. You started 3 threads about this subject and we don't all read all the pages of even one thread, let alone multiple threads. You started out with a lie because you were not sure about what kind of people are here on this forum. So don't assume we are all following the story correctly and fully. Some might think the guy is disfellowshipped and some might think he is unbaptized. Some might still answer the false information of the first thread. If you want to keep asking us for information, you may need to clarify things.

Personally, because of the confusion, I would add, at the end of 2 threads, a link to the 3rd thread.
(And I would use the one to continue- https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5862396603138048/18-year-old-daughter-moves-boyfriend-studying-become-witness) In the comment with the link, I would say a short summary that whatever was said, you hope the one thread will clear it up. Never assume we will go find "a previous post."

45

Padron Case Settled. What happens to the fine?

by Slidin Fast in

it seems that irwin zalkin has obtained undisclosed settlement in the case.

the $4000 a day fine then seems to be dead.

the downside?

OnTheWayOut

Lawyers need money. They don't take these cases to "get revenge" for sucking someone's life away. Judges also look unfavorably at plaintiffs who reject what seems to the judges as reasonable settlements. And the GB is pretty well insulated from criminal charges in all of theses cases.

Victims need to move on. Even if money were not a factor for a person, spending their life chasing after Watchtower would be such a negative experience in their life. Better to go live your life after accepting that offering a settlement is a small piece of "admitting guilt" in some way.

Some of you all want to find the perfect victim- a billionaire lawyer taking on Watchtower for his own abuse case- someone who doesn't need the money and has such a perfect case to prove "they knew" and at the same time he is not just walking away from it because he enjoys sitting in courts and lawyers' offices and hates spending time with grandchildren or relaxing on the beach.

I would hurt Watchtower as much as possible if I could, but at the end of the day, a reasonable settlement is the most these people can hope for.

19

Columbia, SC and Arleta, CA members - I need your help

by RunAwayDaughter in

jw
friends

my 18-year-old daughter in columbia, sc ran away to arleta, ca to move in with jw family.

they are living together with the mother's permission in her house along with 10 other family members.

she is surrounded by jws 24 hours a day, seven days a week.. is there anyone in the columbia area who would be willing to help me - maybe meet for a cup of coffee or facetime.

OnTheWayOut

I know it is a very serious situation, Jehovah's Witnesses being a cult and all, but it's more like what THE GIRL NEXT DOOR describes than you think.

She is considered an adult and JW's are not involved in illegal activities, nor are they a sex cult or a drug cult. The biggest issue you would have is her feeling there is no place to turn to if she wants to leave. So if you aid her, show some normal adult reactions to her situation, she will feel she could come to you. Offer to send her an ID or birth certificate so she can get an ID in California. Tell her that anytime she wants to visit, if you can help, you will do what you can to purchase a transportation ticket.

I would love to tell you she will tire of this situation and come home in days or weeks or months, but I don't know that. She may very well be in a loving environment.

Finding Kingdom Halls is as simple as going to jwdotorg and going to the bottom of the page somewhere to "FIND A MEETING." I don't see the need to discover which Kingdom Hall/Congregation she attends. I hate the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses, but I don't think she is in real danger based on that connection alone. If you don't plan to "turn her in for fornication" to the congregation (and I highly recommend that you do not turn her in) then it matters little which building she goes to and which elders talk to her.

Our opinions may change as this story develops, so please keep posting. It is not okay for JW's to tolerate fornication under their roof and it is not okay for her to progress toward becoming a JW in such a situation. So things will change for her. Continue to be there for her, but continue to learn what's going on with her- not so much in desperation, but be part of her life.

Otherwise, I pretty much agree with THE GIRL NEXT DOOR to offer to be helpful to her.

14

2 Kingdom Halls burned in Washington

by Lynnie in

on the local news last night it was reported that two kingdom halls in olympia wa were set fire to.

i wonder who has a grudge with those congregations?

unfortunately we know the jw"s eat this crap up and enjoy the "persecution.

OnTheWayOut

I wonder who has a grudge with those congregations?

Who doesn't have a grudge? I am hopeful nobody, including emergency responders, was hurt. And it does feed "their" persecution complex, so it really doesn't help any of them to exit the cult just because their building was burned.

17

Classic Talk Regarding KH Consolidation

by lepermessiah in

jw
friends

last night i was listening in as my spouse was on the phone line.

there was a big "local needs" talk announced and it was speculated to be about the congregation reshuffling.. that ended up to be the case.

i thought i used to lay it on thick from the platform....... this was the ultimate spin job - worthy of political office or a spot on the governing body.. one thing that stood out "while the numbers may not necessarily indicate it, it is clear jehovah is speeding up the work".

OnTheWayOut

One thing that stood out "While the numbers may not necessarily indicate it, it is clear Jehovah is speeding up the work".

"While nothing seems to indicate we are right, it is clear we are right."

...this is direction coming from Jehovah.

The old double standard. "Everything we say and do is from Jehovah. Until it is reversed or didn't work out so well, then we are 'spirit-directed' and not "

'inspired' but still.....somehow we should be obeyed as if we get our garbage right from Jehovah's mouth."

17

The next time I see the cart babysitters

by Sour Grapes in

the next time i see the jdubs standing or sitting by their carts sipping their coffee lattes or updating their facebook pages, i am going to approach them with the following thought process acting as an interested person.. do jw's believe the end is near?.

do you consider your preaching work to be urgent?.

why do you just let people walk by if their very lives are at stake?

OnTheWayOut

While I know what you mean, they are braced for such questions.

"We are here to be used by Jehovah as tools when He draws "deserving ones to His undeserved kindness."