Posts by Smiles

14

Aftermath: The Shame And Regret Of It All

by The wanderer in

jw
friends

aftermath: the shame and regret of it allhaving been a convert of jehovahs witnesses for 14 years there is one issue .

that seems difficult to have closure with, and that is facing former relatives and .

worldly friends that i had since childhood.. the watchtower encouraged separation from the unbelievers of this world .

Smiles_Smiles

Just be honest with people. If you feel you owe certains ones a personal apology by all means do so. And for others when given the chance just be honest and let them make the decision of how close they want to be.

Remember there is no "shame" being fooled or snowed by a controlling religion. You are human and that road brought you to this point. And it sounds like you are pretty healthy now. So hold your head up ... you are human ... you got snowed but you woke up. Most people are understanding enough I would think. But if not 'good riddance'.

And as far as regrets ... what's done is done. The past is gone ... the future hasn't happened and is not promised the way you might envison it ... live life right now authentically and before you know it you will not even be able to spell regetr, regrte, uhhh ... regret.

Hugs & Smiles

34

My Husband is Lost to THEM

by Mrs. Witness in

i need some support, some suggestions, and perhaps a gut-check.

my husband was baptized in march.

he was raised from the time he was about 7 until his mom kicked him out at 15 (wasn't she loving?

Smiles_Smiles

Welcome Mrs Witness. Wow what a thing to have to deal with!! I am sorry you are in this situation. ((HUGS)))

As someone said earlier it is very hard to get through to a witness unless they are having 'serious' doubts and want to help themselves. They go into defense mode and allot of times it is like you never said anything at all because everything can be reasoned away in their minds. So you probably are in for a long battle depending on how much time and effort you are willing to put into this and more importantly where your husband is in his journey. Most of the time we cant make a person change unfortunatly.

But there is some hope ... personally I was raise as a JW. I left of my own accord at 16 and went back to it after I had my daughter about 10 years later. Even though my body was free for that long my mind was still enslaved. It was evidenced by me defending the religion even when I was not a part of it. That is a tall tell sign that a person is still enslaved to the mindset of the religion in one way or another. Anyway I was in it for about 7 years until I woke up. I was TOTALLY snowed while in it. But then I slowly began to wake up. And now I am out and have certainty that I will never return because I have proven to myself the crap just aint right.

Looking back ... I had allot of things I needed to heal from my childhood. And before going back I had not been able to totally get over that stuff. And since my mom (the main person connected to my disfunction/unhealthiness) was still a JW there was no way to get close enough to her so that I could get over my childhood stuff and finally let it and her go. At the time all I knew is I was in the 'truth' but hindsight is 20/20. So maybe even though he doesn't know it consciously he is trying to heal old wounds. And just maybe he will succeed and will wake up. But that is allot of maybe's.

With that being said it doesn't mean you have to be dragged through this crap with him. Definitly set you bounderies and the bounderies for your children. Got back to your church if that is what you want. This is your partner not your father and him setting regulations on your actions will probably only get worse if he buys into the whole JW 'me man me head of my household ~ you woman you submission to my demands~. Hopefully he wont but I would be careful not to let him feel he can totally take over the household with his new found JW bs no matter how much HE may THINK it will benefit yall.

Good luck! This may be a long road ahead of you. (((HUGS)))

Smiles

27

After 18months I get called on - Elder confrontation.

by wozadummy in

firstly i will acknowlege this may be long please bear with me.. not all written here will be exactly in the sequence we discussed things, for we talked for some time at my door.. he was my former book study conductor and i still think he has good qualities that i see lacking in so many elders, but as you will see the wts mindset is like concrete in his mind.. i am writing this not to brag but to emphasise and highlight the disgusting mindset of the wts and it's leaders and members.. here we go - some may know that my wife was molested as a child for some time by her elder father.

when we married some years ago it did not take long for her to open up to me about what happened to her and needless to say we struggled with this, and eventually told the local elders what happened to her as a child.. we only went this path after she tried to get him to confess ,which he did'nt and so we followed what we thought at the time was the theocratic way and went to the elders ,and please note we sincerely wanted him to repent so he could get everlasting life.

he denied all and so followed years of heartache for my wife along with her family tormenting her and eventually abandoning her, even by at least one of her sisters whom my wife also witnessed getting done by the father though not as bad ,and my wife even as a kid tried to protect her younger sisters.. ok there is the usual wts crap "we have no witnesses" even though my wife called out to jehovah to stop him as he did this for years.

Smiles_Smiles

THANK YOU!!! Thank You!!!

You dont realized that you have spoken for so many of us survivors.

THANK YOU!!

Hugs

121

Are some of us still judgmental and think ourselves morally superior?

by nvrgnbk in

jw
friends

is a certain "uptightness" creeping into our community?.

should we be scolding one another?.

especially kids?

Smiles_Smiles

This IS an interesting topic. (Some may call that a judgement ... teheheee ... so be it )

I didn't read ALL the comments regarding the drunk @ DC experience. But I did read the experience itself. I felt sad for the soul that felt compelled to do that because I detected pain underneath it all. That was his way of maybe trying to take back his power ~ that's just my arm chair pysch thoughts. And how may of us can remember wanting to take back our power from the bOrg or the people in the bOrg. There are many posts that I have read that my heart felt sad for the poster for the very same reason. Some the poster was doing something widely 'acceptable' and other times not. But it is all the same to me. (And specifically I watched one member become what seems to be very healthy even though for a while all the first topics I read him post seemed VERY self destructive.)

~ that's what I feel about that topic but I didn't write it on there because I didn't want to add salt to what already seemed like an open wound. I feel he will heal as we all seek to heal. He is just at a different stage in the journey and handling it his own way. ~

Now as far as THIS TOPIC, yes I read allot of post that SEEM to betray a superiority complex. Rather it is about specific (what people call) truths or non-truths or peoples behaviors etc. But I do realize that JWism is ingulped in being superior. You could not truly continue to be a JW if somewhere inside you didn't buy into the "your a bit more special then they (worldly) people are". That is one of the basics in my opinion even though it is not said out right. And what covers over superiority complexes?? Insecurities. Something that we all have in one way or another. But since we are here hopefully it no longer is the driver of our lives.

Soooo when I read posts that smell of superiority I try to understand where it may be coming from and not join in. But in my opinion seeing that most here are ex or active JW's it is very much to be expected as a bi-product.

My 2 cents ~ Smiles

23

Elder Tells Congregation:"If They Left Us Why SHOULD We Speak To Them?"

by minimus in

jw
friends

that's what was recently said by an elder (ex-bethel elder) to the sheep.

nice, huh?

Smiles_Smiles

Actually I'd rather they didn't speak to me ... so when I read this my thought was GOOD. tehehehee

42

HELP - my boyfriend's ex called and wants them to reconcile....what to do?

by Juniper in

i've been seeing an amazing man for a few months now.

i recently found out that before we met, my boyfriend had been thinking about getting back together with his ex-girlfriend.

(who is going through a divorce of her own right now) they have a two year old son together.. he says that if his child weren't involved, he wouldn't even consider going back to her.

Smiles_Smiles

OK let me see if I have this right ... HIS ex wants to get back with HIM and YOU are asking what YOU should do.

WHY would YOU need to DO anything?

This is his decision. From what you say he knows that you love him and would like to continue the relationship that yall have. PLEASEEEE do not become one of the women who fight over a man. He has a decision to make ... let him make it.

Love yourself to know your worth and see if he does the same. And if not then move on. No it is not easy to move on when necessary but anything else will chip away at your esteem and your self worth. No one is worth that.

Good Luck ~ Smiles

61

Why would a young sister marry an old brother?

by JH in

jw
friends

i recall a ms brother about 62 years old dating and marrying a sister about 30 years younger.

i respect their choice and if they are in love, well good for them.

but i don't think it's to the best interest of the younger one...... do jw's accept bigger age differences in marriage than other religions?.

Smiles_Smiles

PS. And dont think I am judging. I had to heal my own daddy issues just not in the same way. And when I was in the troof I was given opportunity to date much older men many times. Thank goodness it didn't turn out like that.

61

Why would a young sister marry an old brother?

by JH in

jw
friends

i recall a ms brother about 62 years old dating and marrying a sister about 30 years younger.

i respect their choice and if they are in love, well good for them.

but i don't think it's to the best interest of the younger one...... do jw's accept bigger age differences in marriage than other religions?.

Smiles_Smiles

For the same reason that a non-JW would ... Daddy issues and/or Desparation

Of course, that's over simplifying it a bit but I would bet 9 out of 10 would point you right back to 1 both core reasons.

38

LONG discussion with my parents. (long post of course)

by LtCmd.Lore in

jw
friends

here's an update on me... i'm 18. i'm an atheist.

i'm not making much money.

i did something i promised myself i wouldn't do: i work for witnesses.

Smiles_Smiles

Well good for you to be able to have that discussion. You were able to see your parents a little clearer. See how snowed they really are. It's just a belief but for JW's believe belief is EVERYTHING!

I can imagine that at 18 living with your parents and working for a brother you must feel really stuck. Just remember you have a good head on your shoulders and you have a full life in front of you. You can go to college and have a real job not connected to JW's. Or you can just get out on your own and not go to college. The point is the choice is yours and not your parents or some organization that likes to limit your choices. You may end up loosing your parent's but that choice is up to them.

Just keep your chin up and remember to look forward instead of somehow getting sunk into being consumed with the past and the JW stuff. You got a bright future ahead or you. Try to waste as little time as possible on the whole JW way of life and putting up with them controlling your actions. We already know you have freed your mind!! Go about freeing your body as well.

Get Busy Living Life!!! It can be a BLAST!!!

Hugs,

Smiles

30

Can/Should someone be in love with more than one person?

by AK - Jeff in

not a question that affects me personally - i am dutifully bound to a single woman now for 33 years [omg that is 1/3 of a century already].. but do you believe that it is possible or profitalble to fall in love with more than one person at the same time?

in western culture it is normally considered 'betrayal' to do such a thing - but thoughout history and in cultures outside of the west today - it is considered acceptable, even normal.. typically it is the man who has more love interests than just one - not the woman - but some cultures have supported multiple partners for women also.

this is not a thread about judging others - just an inquiry about opinion.

Smiles_Smiles

Love more then 1 person ... yes

Be committed to more then 1 person ... no, not so much

(that's if committment is define with an exclusivity clause)

And in this equation love does not necessarily equal committment.

Smiles

Smiles_Smiles

Posts by Smiles_Smiles