Aftermath: The Shame And Regret Of It All

by The wanderer 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • The wanderer
    The wanderer

    Aftermath: The Shame And Regret Of It All

    Having been a convert of Jehovah’s Witnesses for 14 years there is one issue
    that seems difficult to have closure with, and that is facing former relatives and
    “worldly” friends that I had since childhood.

    The Watchtower “encouraged” separation from the “unbelievers of this world”
    and I found that I turned my back on several good people because of this per-
    spective.

    What Could You Suggest?

    Today, I am too ashamed to go back and face them because of my former con-
    victions. It is something that I will live to regret for the rest of my life.

    Question: Does anyone have any practical advice regarding this issue?

    Respectfully,

    Richard

  • Scully
    Scully

    Most of our friends and relatives realize that we are caught up in something that they are unable to control. It takes a lot of humility to admit that we are wrong. It takes getting over our private embarrassment and shame, and opening up to people who are naturally wanting to have us in their lives.

    I missed out on solid relationships with aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents once my folks converted to the JWs in the early 70s. The relationships were cordial but a mutual kind of at-arm's-length: us not wanting to be influenced by them, and them not wanting to be drawn into JW insanity.

    When I finally came to the realization that the JWs were wrong, I sat down and wrote letters of apology (not emails, not word processed print-outs: actual handwritten letters) to the relatives who had kept plugging away showing love to us over the years, never forgetting birthdays or holidays, continuing to include us in their celebrations. They felt that it was part of how they showed their love and care for us, and were unwilling to discontinue showing us that they cared.

    They were all very happy to hear about our exit from the JWs and welcomed us with open arms. Just like the parable of the prodigal son. There was no probationary period, like there is when you want to be reinstated to the JWs after being DFd. We were just a real family again.

    My only regret is that my grandparents didn't live long enough to see that happen.

  • The wanderer
    The wanderer

    Dear Scully:

    Thank you a thousand times over for
    the practical advice.

    Very respectfully,

    Richard

  • quietlyleaving
    quietlyleaving

    scully

    When I finally came to the realization that the JWs were wrong, I sat down and wrote letters of apology (not emails, not word processed print-outs: actual handwritten letters) to the relatives who had kept plugging away showing love to us over the years, never forgetting birthdays or holidays, continuing to include us in their celebrations

    yep i agree - an excellent suggestion - saves a lot of explaining which is what I find myself having to do - people who haven't been witnesses simply don't understand what we're talking about. A simple letter of apology says it all.

  • Mrs Smith
    Mrs Smith

    I have recently met up with a cousin that I lost contact with after my parents became JWs. She was more than happy to have me back in her life. Give them a call people are a lot more forgiving than you may think

  • Mariusuk.
    Mariusuk.

    Richard

    It will only become something you regret for the rest of your life IF you refuse to confront your mistakes and get forgiveness. Remember the friends and family you talk of are not JW's and therefore will be far more likely to welcome you back with understanding but you have to make the move.

    Mike

  • Dansk
    Dansk
    They were all very happy to hear about our exit from the JWs and welcomed us with open arms.

    Same here! Friends and family were just relieved we were back amongst them.

    I actually apologised to some for not being the friend they originally knew - but they forgave me in an instant!

    Ian

  • kerj2leev
    kerj2leev
    - but they forgave me in an instant!

    You mean 6 months to a year right?

    I think they would love to have you back in their lives, all you have to do is ask! You are a lucky man Richard having family and friends on the outside is truely a blessing!

  • truthsearcher
    truthsearcher

    It is hard to admit that you have been part of a mind controlling cult, but I suspect that these people have been waiting for years to hear that you have been set free. Run, do not walk, to those who truly do love and care for you!

  • Dansk
    Dansk
    You mean 6 months to a year right?

    No! When I met up with old friends, told them I'd discovered what an idiot I'd been by beleaving Watchtower garbage, that I'd discovered it was all baloney and that I was truly sorry for not having been the person they knew originally they forgave me immediately! Those same friends and family have stuck by me ever since. In fact, they never truly left me. It was I who had left them.

    Ian

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