I am glad you asked. This question is right up my alley.
I have custody of my children, all teens, due to the abuse in their JW mother and stepfather's house. CPS and the courts decided in my favor when I took their hypocritical asses to court.
They have been living with my current wife and I for 8 months now and have been doing much better. They have their own issues with meetings, study, serice and WT hypocricy, therefore it did not take much to ease into deprogramming them.
I started deprogramming them by asking questions about what they were studying. When they would give the pat answer from the Society, I would follow up with a tougher question; a question designed to get them thinking outside the four-walled Watchtower. Before they could get flushed or feel threatened, I would offer that my question is a good one because . . . blah blah blah, and then relate it to something that they can personally relate to; something from their own experiences in dealing with the organization. This seems to work, for they are opening up and questioning things for themselves now, and what's more, they are beginning to think freely without fear. They are beginning to feel safe.
I eased them into the blood issue, the UN issue and the molestation scandal. While they were taken aback at first, but began asking questions.
Next, I sat their mother down to tell her that she is not to insist or force them to go to the meetings when they come to visit. She is not to make them sit and study if they do not want to. She asked why. I presented her with some documentation. She was clearly disturbed, but never once called me an apostate. She did say, however, that no matter what I say, "it is the truth".
Edited to say: (The kids are now able to back up this stand or new policy on meetings and study, that is now officially a matter of free will and the decision to do so has to be because they want to not because they are pressured or threatened, as has been the case, and assert themselves over their mother and stepfather's demands.)
I brought her (their mother) into the org and I am going to be the one to take her out. She is starting to think now.
I may have oversimplified my approach in this post. The thing is that everyone's situation is unique and you have to find what works the best for your circumstances, finding a way to do the least damage while deprogramming your kids, but it is possible. For me, a very calm but DIRECT IN YOUR FACE approach has been working so far. I have gotten very little resistence from the ex. We will see what happens next.
Corvin
