Is this love?

happehanna

when you feel you have to make a few conditions? There is so much talk about unconditional love but is this the only kind?

Lady Lee

boundaries is one thing - conditions is another.

Boundaries draw a line between me and the other person. Boundaries help protect me from people who invade my space or my beliefs or my dreams.

Conditions say "I will love you if __________. (fill in the blank with whatever)

Boundaries are respectful of who the other person is and who I am and I decide those boundaries.

Conditions do not respect the person and allow one person to make the rules for another.

The disturbing part is when you meditate on it, and realize you want conditional love. Unconditional love allows someone to have a emotional or moral "higher" ground. Like a child. You feel sorry when children love their crapy parents. Imagine if children had or were allowed to show conditional love. One day I hope to get into a shallow conditional relationship with someone other than God.

Corvin

Boundaries are respectful of who the other person is and who I am and I decide those boundaries.
Conditions do not respect the person and allow one person to make the rules for another.

I think that unconditional love is a myth. Another way to say it, and we are always saying it to others in one way or another, and this is sort of a fine line between conditions and boundaries:

"If you love me, you will ________ . . . (fill in the blank)

OR

"If you love me, you won't ________ . . . (fill in the blank)

This sort of carries the connotation that love can only be expressed through action. It also makes clear what your boundaries are. If we are deep into a relationship, we find ourselves making new rules all the time. We all have rules about love and respect. When someone unwittingly or deliberately violates your rules, you will get upset. Respect comes in when you find out what that person's rules are then it is up to you whether or not you want to go by them. You have your rules also. You expect others to respect them. Boundaries, rules, conditions . . . they are one in the same to me.

Sirona

Corvin

I think that unconditional love is a myth.

I think that unconditional love, like altruism, is perhaps not non-existant but just rare. Many parents tell me that no matter what their children do, they still love them. Is that not unconditional?

In other types of relationship (e.g. not family) I think that unconditional love can exist, but it is very rare.

Sirona

Lady Lee

Conditional love = I will love you as long as you are a JW

Unconditional love = I will love you regardless of your beliefs

Boundary = I will not let you abuse me

Lack of boundary = I will do anything you want - just don't leave me

I can have boundaries with total strangers and it has nothing to do with love. I don't leave my front door wide open for strangers to walk in. The door is my boundary.

When standing in an elevator with only one other person we stand apart. The boundary gets smaller when there are more people.

I have kids. No matter what they do I will love them. I might not always approve of the behavior but that doesn't change my love for them. = unconditional love

My mother shuns me and she also shuns her other kids who were never baptized or DAed or DFed. We don't follow her beliefs so we aren't good enough to be with = conditional love

I suppose one big difference is that the rules established for conditional love are pretty strict and solid and usually come from outside sources.

Boundaries are more fluid. The are internally driven rather than extrnally driven and change depending on the person and the situation

Just my opinion of course

happehanna

Thank you lots of food for thought.

The love for your child seems to me the nearest you can get to unconditional love.

However the love between adults(it seems to me) however strong has limits. Are these conditions?

XQsThaiPoes

In western society the other person loves you back, or the rest of the world maybe provide stability. The rest is semantic because not every relationship has "boundaries".

simplesally

I think when it comes to someone other than your immediate family (parents, siblings, children) its always more like conditional love. I could love a man today but then later find out that his character is lacking big time. I could find myself married to a man refuses to work or do anything about it. One could find themselves married to an abusive person.

People change the things they do sometimes, you find out more about them and love can go right out the window when what you thought you knew was not true.

Is this love?

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