Posts by MissFit

58

Non JW wife/JW husband Christmas tree debate

by spacegirl443 in

jw
friends

first post here and looking for advice and help.

sorry in advance for it being so long :(.

i'm a happily married woman (no kids) who is a non-jw, presbyterian to be precise.

MissFit

Hi Spacegirl:

So what are your Christmas plans?

What a beautiful tree. I hope you had fun decorating it. Are you going to decorate the whole room too? Is there a window you can put the tree by so you can see it from the outside? I never celebrated christmas as a child but i loved looking at the lit trees displayed in the windows.

Wouldnt it be cool if you could put wheels on your tree? You could wheel it out when he is gone and enjoy it and then wheel it back to the other room when he is home. Win win. Or since this is the 21st century, you could put a camera in the room and look at your tree on it whenever you want.

I really do understand your husbands reluctance to have a tree in full view. He would be feeling like he was participating just by it looking at it. Apperances are very important to a JW. He does not want anyone to even think he is condoning or participating in any way. It was very loving of you to agree to his sacrifice um compromise.

When i was still mentally in and married to a non JW, one of my compromises was to "let" my mother in law send presents to my children as long as she didn't gift wrap them or say Merry Christmas.

And i would wait until after Christmas to give it to them.

It is all about being able to justify it.

To really understand him, research and read threads here about disfellowshipping. He went through that once, and it is still fresh on his mind.

Has he ever talked about it?

Best wishes. We are rooting for you. Please pop in and let us know how you are doing.

We are here for you.

40

Marrying out of the truth poem!

by DagothUr in

jw
friends

marrying out of the truth !!.

(author's name removed to protect privacy).

he or she-- doesn't love jehovah .

MissFit

Great point Never A JW.

The Org. Has JWs believing that they have the corner on human decency and good conduct. We were always told that "the world" and "worldly" people were evil and scary and harmful.

I found in my experience most"worldly" people were more loving, honest and genuine than most JWs i knew.

I must say as a JW that "married out of the "truth", it is difficult to stay "spiritually "strong. The org. Demands alot of time, energy and commitment that the non JW was not expecting, not to mention the tight control the society has on a JWs thoughts and actions. I found myself torn and feeling like i was choosing my husband over Jehovah. But i could not see how my husband could be worthy of death. It is hard to be with someone that you are mourning. Non JWs dont understand the pressure that the fear of Armageddon has on their spouse.

When the org. Talks about the 3 cords in a marriage -it meant the husband, the wife and the Organization (not God). The nonJW spouse has to share with the Org.

It is the Org. That puts pressure on the marriage.

I dealt with a lot of guilt because of drivel like that poem. My husband did not deserve being protrayed as someone unworthy because he did not have the same belief system as myself or the JWs.

He was always supportive of me. When he got laid off, instead of beating me and infecting me with HIV, or mooching off my salary, he found another job because he had skills. I learned uncondional love from him.

I do feel it was easier to fade but i had to be ready to wake up. I think i was subconsciously fadeing and waking up when i met him. I just needed to get mentally out and learn TTATT.

That is what the Org. Is afraid of-us learning how normal the "world" is and how totally unextraordinary the JWs are.

8

Junkyard Photo (Door)

by TerryWalstrom in

jw
friends

i see where you were shooting and what did i tell you?

don't bother lying!".

the heavyset man could have been a bulldog or a gargoyle.

MissFit

Thank you Terry. I was going to ask where you got your inspiration. I was blind sided by the ending. Very powerful.

40

Marrying out of the truth poem!

by DagothUr in

jw
friends

marrying out of the truth !!.

(author's name removed to protect privacy).

he or she-- doesn't love jehovah .

MissFit

Original poem:Utter drival. EW I think i threw up a little in my mouth.

I married a non JW. Best decision of my life.

8

Junkyard Photo (Door)

by TerryWalstrom in

jw
friends

i see where you were shooting and what did i tell you?

don't bother lying!".

the heavyset man could have been a bulldog or a gargoyle.

MissFit

Terry: there are no words... i am in tears.

Thank you.

13

Becoming a jw actually made me a much more worldly person.

by lancelink in

i was raised a catholic from birth to age 15, that's when my dad started to study with some jw's that came to our door.

i was too young/ naive to notice how my lifelong friends were slowly being replaced with so called " outstanding spiritual youths".. anyway, there was randy and kevin, the sons of the po from the hall, everyone thought that they were the most spiritual people i could hang out with.

these guys taught me the fine points of :.

MissFit

One thing i made sure to teach my kids:

Sometimes you might get in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, maybe you are at the mercy of a group- stuck with no transportation, being pressured to do something you don't feel comfortable doing-

Always listen to that instinct and do not hesitate to call. I'll come get you. Dont worry about "getting in trouble". I realize sonetimes things can get beyond your control through no fault of your own

I never wanted my kids to feel so afraid of "getting in trouble" with me that they would hesitate to get help.

I dont think most JW kids were given that option.

13

Becoming a jw actually made me a much more worldly person.

by lancelink in

i was raised a catholic from birth to age 15, that's when my dad started to study with some jw's that came to our door.

i was too young/ naive to notice how my lifelong friends were slowly being replaced with so called " outstanding spiritual youths".. anyway, there was randy and kevin, the sons of the po from the hall, everyone thought that they were the most spiritual people i could hang out with.

these guys taught me the fine points of :.

MissFit

The main deterrent for JW kids was the fear of getting caught. Watch out if they think they can get away with it.

I too lived and saw other youth live a double life. We had no common sense.

When i was attempting to be physically in and raise my children "in" i always viewed most JW kids as "bad association" because i knew they would only show me what they thought i wanted to see, and then sneak around to do what they wanted.

I encouraged outside friendships with their school mates and open communication with me and limited unsupervised association with JW kids- (especially the"spiritually upstanding", good examples and Elders kids.)

Kids have to have other reasons not to do stupid stuff besides fear of punishment and making gods heart sad. Otherwise they will do it if they think they wont get caught and then say a prayer afterwards for forgiveness.

I did more stupid things with JWs than i ever did with my"Worldly"friends.

17

Caption Comp

by Tallon in

well now; filming on the set of 'planet of the apes' was a blast.

being the 'muscle' in general aldo's militia was a great opportunity for kicking some serious butt.

i'm looking forward to having another crack at it.. .

MissFit

You too can live a simple life.

27

Anything i should know about the upcoming convention?

by CitizenofEarth in

anything i should be aware of?

i am not sure i will go, since i just moved away from home a month ago.

it is not cheap to travel 250km and pay for hotel here in denmark, and i am not exactly rich.

MissFit

DY: satire? What should he do with all of the negative?

47

Are JWs "mind trained" to be habitual liars?

by nonjwspouse in

i don't mean overly obvious, or otherwise meaning to cause harm, but taught to lie for the purpose of avoidance.

this type of lying can be pervasive in areas of life that are not just to avoid discussions with people who have questions about the jw, etc.

my husband will lie/be deceitful about the silliest, simple things.

MissFit

Remember the born in JWs were raised looking over their shoulders. Even perceptions of misdeeds could result in a JC , reproof, disfellowshiping, marking, humiliation or reflect badly on JWs or your family.

Appearances were the most important thing, not the reality. Most JWs grew up with the "no reproach on Jehovahs or his Org. name"mantra. Can you imagine the pressure it puts on a child? You learn what is appropriate and when. You learn to lead a double life and justify what you do.

You have watched adults all around you say one thing and do another in private.

It becomes second nature, instinctual to always keep good appearances .If you look good, God looks good and your family looks good. Everyone is judging you.

My elder dad, was physically ,emotionly, and sexually abusing us. The worse beating of my life was because he thought i lied to him because i didnt say what he wanted to hear. It didnt matter that we were living a lie. Or that he was having us lie for him.

Most JWs are living some sort of lie. You just caught your JW and refuse to accept his lies. Most of us usually expect it in some way. Iying is the only way to survive

I am curious as to what kind of home life he had. I bet he had to jump hoops to get approval from his parents and everything he did was never good enough.