Thoughts on forgivness...Is there a process?

by Sparkplug 80 Replies latest social relationships

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  FlyingHighNow

  
  Horrible Life, I don't have lots of defined faith, but I have faith there's a great spirit out there. I took this prayer and I changed God to great spirit. You can leave it God. But it helps me in almost any situation to calm down and to get perspective:

  Trust the Great Spirit(God).

  Let Nothing disturb you.

  Let nothing frighten you.

  All things pass.

  The Great Spirit(God) never changes.

  I'd recite that and then imagine the dentist and office, small enough to fit into your hands. Then I'd hand it over to him/her God/G Spirit. And I'd trust him to know what to do with it. You never know that it's not a coincidence that you were fired. Maybe a guardian angel or spirit wanted you out of that environment. And, they lost the best employee they had and the one ray of light. What goes around comes around. And as the above prayer points out, all things pass and this too shall pass. Give it to GS and let go.

  Also, remember Jacob Marely in Dickens" A Christmas Carol? Remember all those chains and boxes he drug with him? You are dragging a dentist, mean employees and an entire dentist office with you. That's worse than boxes and chains! What a heavy burden. Be kind to yourself and let go.
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  horrible life

  James and FHN I have reread both of your posts many times already. I have opened the bottle of wine, that I have been saving for a special occasion, for over a year.

  I have also vowed to only buy Puffs Plus tissues from now on. My poor nose is so sore already. This is the first time I have really talked about this. It has been 10 months now. I have felt like it is a secret. For just me. to know. To not discuss with anyone. Now the world wide web knows. I will reread your wise posts over and over again.

  Thank you
• 

  Sparkplug

  He says what goes around comes around.

  It is so hard for the ones to love us the most to help us how we need to be helped. the same with understanding. Sometimes we want to help someone get thru it and we just don't know how to do this. Therefore I think that JT and FHN have really seemed to have helped you get insight into a way possibly to get the yuck out and get past the anger you are feeling.

  I tend to stew on things too long and for many years when wronged I could not let stuff go. Things would just get under my skin and I would really throw my whole life off course because I would have these thoughts go thru my head. all of them were justifiable reasons for me to be upset and probably see a therapist for a long time over.

  Then one day I had someone tell me while I was on a rant about injustices in the world...especially my world, (actually they asked me a question). the asked me if, "I had to go home and sleep with this person?"

  Of course not because this was a work situation...(this instance) and somehow those few words asked to me made me understand. That it is just that. A job I went to and it is a means by which I keep the real things in life that are important to me happening. It is a paycheck. Some other poor person had to actually live and bear the pain of loving such an @sshole and well the truth of the matter was...It wasn't me. Thank God for that.

  So really..this dentist, he can stay and let his practice suffer from his mistakes and in short what your husband has said is true...It all comes back around. I am not sure if I believe it is Kharma, or "reaping what you sow"...but if you do negative things, if you do not treat people with respect, and you just bumble your way through life with no regards to others, well IMO you are not giving your best. When you don't give your best to what you do...anything you do...you get a substandard product. (For example: he does not have a great employee like you) or also he is missing out the fact that he cant even see what a valuable player you were.

  I used to say to my ex-husband when I was mad...towards the end...that he had no class whatsoever. He had a treasure, a real treasure in his kids, stepkids, and wife: the whole situation I likened us to a vintage wine or a fine sportscar. You know something some people would spend a lifetime to obtain and would cherish it for forever. Shine it, or open that bottle on such a special occation, and then savor the taste and feel the moment of enjoying such a delightful treasure. I would say that he was like a person that had such a treasure and could not see the value. He drove us like we were last years Yugo and with total neglect, never checked the oil, no care at all for us and swigged us down like we were a bottle of Night Train picked up from the local 7-11.

  I am thinking that dentist really did not see the treasure in you....and your looking back is throwing your pearls to the swine. From the sounds of it he deserves none of your time. And letting his sorry butt get under your skin is still letting him have your treasure (your mind).

  I know it is easier said than done..but just remember, That you don't have to go home and sleep with him.

  See?
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  James and FHN I have reread both of your posts many times already. I have opened the bottle of wine, that I have been saving for a special occasion, for over a year.
  
  

  I have also vowed to only buy Puffs Plus tissues from now on. My poor nose is so sore already. This is the first time I have really talked about this. It has been 10 months now. I have felt like it is a secret. For just me. to know. To not discuss with anyone. Now the world wide web knows. I will reread your wise posts over and over again.

  Thank you

  
  
  
  Let it out. Crying will release natural tranqilizers. I know, I've done so much crying in my life. Good triumphs over evil in the end. Remember, Hitler did NOT last. Good finally stopped his evil. And it's odd, I once agonized for an entire year over someone misunderstanding something I said and causing a scandal. I confided in a kind sister, who asked me what I would do if someone said something that I didn't understand, even something hurtful. I told her that I would go home, mull it over, put myself in their shoes, give them the benefit of the doubt and let it go. She said to me, "Don't you deserve that same kind of kindness and courtesy from people?" I told her that I did. And in an instant, the weight of it all lifted from me. I forgave me and the person and healed right then and there. The whole thing had put me into deep melancholy. And yet the answer to lifting it was so simple.
  

  Sometimes, someone can say one thing to you and completely change the way you see things, giving you perspective you didn't have before. Talking to kind and balanced people is so much better than keeping your kind of pain bottled up inside. Sometimes two or more heads are really better than one. That dentist isn't worth all that pain. An operator like that will trip himself up eventually. You don't have to do a thing to him. And something else to keep in mind: he wanted a dark environment. You represented light. Can you see how you probably intimidated him?
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  Sparkplug

  Hitler did NOT last

  I like it...
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  horrible life

  I have opened the bottle of wine, that I have been saving for a special occasion, for over a year.

  FHN and Sparkplug, I have spent the last half hour plus, looking back over my last 700+posts.? Don't know why. Guess it is the wine. When I first arrived at JWD, I was just looking around. Thinking, well I stopped smoking, that was the only "sin" I was I was guilty of, at this point in my life, so maybe I might think of going back..... Then I had a terrible JOLT. I registered and posted. HUMMMMMMMMM Who or what, made me lurk here in the first place? Tonight, maybe its because I'm feeling kinda melancholy, and very sad, I went back to the beginning, of coming to JWD. Who was there?

  FHN and Sparkplug. I did not remember. I remembered the name of only 1, that disagreed with me. I held no grudge. But I did not remember the ones who kept me here. I would have been a 2 time poster. Tonight, I shared something that I have held in for almost a year. Something that hurts so very much. I have found help once again, from a bunch of strangers. Something that my family could or never will do.

  Thank you James, FHN, and Sparkplug. I have printed out your posts. Each have such thought attached to it. Thank you for taking the time to help me. My husband and child sleep, while I cried.

  "STRANGERS". You are not strangers. You are my family. HL
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  jgnat

  Horrible life, this insignificant person is eating up too much of your heart and mind.....THAT is the injustice.

  Did you ever see that goofy Canadian comedy, Kids in the Hall, where the psycho guy would squint out his window and squish people's heads with his fingers? I think you need to diminish this man's influence in your life in the same way. Recognize that he is a mean, shallow person who WILL reap the reward of his own bad behavior. I promise, one day, you will feel sorry for him.

  Go join a group that cares about it's clients and it's employees.
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  Billygoat

  (((((((horrible life)))))))

  I am so sorry about the injustices of that dentist. I know how hard it hurts to have a boss like that. Sometimes I relieve the tension by just thinking "that's the way things were meant to be". I don't mean that it was meant for me to get screwed at a job or have a boss that's an @$$. But that it was a purposed filled experience. If that experience was helping me learn something...about myself or others...then it wasn't wasted. I try to look at it like it's a challenge, a lesson, a workout experience that is supposed to make me stronger and smarter. Stronger and smarter then the person who has persecuted me. So my question to myself is "Did I pass?" or "Did I make the grade?" If I got through it fairly unscathed and having learned something, then the answer is always yes. Sometimes I can't say that for awhile after the experience has passed. But eventually it makes letting the anger go a little easier. It makes the Revenge Monster a little more quiet.

  I don't know if that helps or not, but it's something I've learned that does help me. I have to force myself to be a little more cerebral and a little less emotional about it.

  ((((hugs))))

  Andi
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  I went back to the beginning, of coming to JWD. Who was there?

  FHN and Sparkplug. I did not remember. I remembered the name of only 1, that disagreed with me. I held no grudge. But I did not remember the ones who kept me here. I would have been a 2 time poster. Tonight, I shared something that I have held in for almost a year. Something that hurts so very much. I have found help once again, from a bunch of strangers. Something that my family could or never will do.

  Thank you James, FHN, and Sparkplug. I have printed out your posts. Each have such thought attached to it. Thank you for taking the time to help me. My husband and child sleep, while I cried.

  "STRANGERS". You are not strangers. You are my family.

  You are welcome, HL. I just looked back at your first posts. I forgot about them, too. As soon as I saw your first posts I remembered them very well. Now I understand why you have the moniker Horrible Life. I believe things can go better for you and that one day you'll PM Simon and ask him to change your moniker to something like It's A Wonderful Life. Or perhaps something similar to mine. You can do that and still keep all your posts and numbers and status, you know? But don't change it unless you feel a need to. I have all kinds of horrible things happen in my life, too. My life has been a series of unfortunate events.On the other hand, I've had so many blessings. I've learned to appreciate the simplest things. You have a lot of spunk, HL. I am certain that crumbs in your life, like butthead dentist, will not keep you down.

  I miss that raggedy girl avatar you had. She was so cute. She always made me smile. She showed a lot about your personality.
• 

  Sparkplug

  I just looked back at your first posts. I forgot about them, too. As soon as I saw your first posts I remembered them very well.

  Me too! I actually remember your first post quite well...it took me a moment to figure out what you were meaning by it and I decided that you were so honest and your style of walking into unfamiliar ground reminded me of self....(as far as topics)

  Glad you stayed!