Just a few observations, and please forgive me if I word them improperly, or completely miss the mark. As with all things computer, there is so much variance in interpretation, with so many signals lost and garbled.
My Mom keeps telling me that I have a self-hate thing going on. Maybe I do.
Interesting that this is something that has been brought to your attention by someone in real-life. As an observation on board-life, you appear to on the one hand pull yourself down, and on the other reject that and react against it, causing an inner tension.
Just how would you suggest that I get past that?
First of all your reasons to your mom's comment was "maybe I do". Can you analyse whether she is right, and if so "own it"?
Secondly, what do you hate about yourself? Is this realistic? Are your personal standards unreachable and/or unyielding?
Craig, my dear friend, you are only human!!! Sorry to break that awful news to you in such a blunt manner
Several years ago we had a series of discussions on divorce (I know I'm breaking no confidence here, since you've discussed this openly on the forum,, since). You held an exacting standard, based upon what you'd been raised with. As I reasoned with you on the subject you seemed to be held in tension between wanting to believe what I was saying and finding it difficult to reject what you'd formerly held true.
Often we can see a pendulum effect occur with our beliefs and feelings, whereby that which is relinquished is so completely rejected that we are repulsed away from it. I believe I've seen this in your relinquishing of what you previously saw as bible-based beliefs, but that's another story for another day.
My self-admission about hypocrisy is just that: how I must characterize myself, for whatever reason...
While you are correct in saying that everyone wears some kind of mask for social interactions (three hearts), bringing to bear the epithet "hypocrite" upon yourself is a little disingenuous you ole self-hating reprobate, you!!!
Craig, you are who you are! You're not a bad person, you're not Hitler. Loosen up a little and acknowledge and own the fact that what you do and what you hold dear is just part of YOU (and continually evolving). It's not better or worse than anyone else, it just "IS". Love your neighbour as yourself by acknowledging that you have every much a right to love yourself and be loved by your neighbour, on equal footing, as you do to send that love out to the world at large. Forgiving yourself is key to forgiving others. Why don't you call an amnesty on all debts - tomorrow is another day!
Let the weight that you bear on your heart just slide off into oblivion - let it go - release it - watch it sink into the depths of the ocean, feel the cleansing spray, and set your face to the wind to LIVE!
Oh, and for Kate's benefit I'd also suggest you stop overthinking things - some days you screw with her head
I hope these comments will be taken in the manner in which they are extended, as from the first you've been a brother to me. Your recent autobiography has been eye-opening and heart-breaking - but you're living evidence that while we can't choose the hand that's dealt us, we can make the best of it and perhaps call for a change of cards, once in a while