Thoughts on forgivness...Is there a process?

by Sparkplug 80 Replies latest social relationships

  • kilroy2
    kilroy2

    If you are asking can one forgive the society? fuck no, fuck all dubbers and fuck jehovah or what ever you want to call that big fuck in the sky that telles people to do stupic shit. most of all fuck religion. all religion it is a crutch for the weak minded.

    I will never forgive the hovahs, and if I come across any in a dark ally, its a bag of nickles up side their heads.

  • pratt1
    pratt1

    KIlroy,

    You reminded me of myself about 10 years ago.

    I completely understand.

    I have changed over the years, perhaps its age, or raising a teenager, I don't know, but I forgive primarily for me, not the offended.

    I don't want to devote that amount of energy negatively against any person. I might not put myself in that exact same position again to be hurt, but I honestly look pas t my hurt and forgive.

    I did some terrible things in my life because of my anger and resentment for the Borg. I hope those that loved and love me have forgiven me.

    Its only fair that I forgive others as well.

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    Oh my word all of you, there is so much to respond to but I am still trying to read it all. When you get lil Toe and James Thomas on the same thread with Prophecor and well most all the posters who replied and Scully, wll it makes my head spin and gets me out of my fluff comfort zone.

    Much to digest...much to digest!

  • Sparkplug
    Sparkplug

    Let alone Blondie. I really have to read and think on those and the same with Danny Hazards.

    Thanks for the link to the other thread Prophecor. That makes for three more pages of reading....

  • LittleToe
    LittleToe

    Craig:

    Just a few observations, and please forgive me if I word them improperly, or completely miss the mark. As with all things computer, there is so much variance in interpretation, with so many signals lost and garbled.

    My Mom keeps telling me that I have a self-hate thing going on. Maybe I do.

    Interesting that this is something that has been brought to your attention by someone in real-life. As an observation on board-life, you appear to on the one hand pull yourself down, and on the other reject that and react against it, causing an inner tension.

    Just how would you suggest that I get past that?

    First of all your reasons to your mom's comment was "maybe I do". Can you analyse whether she is right, and if so "own it"?

    Secondly, what do you hate about yourself? Is this realistic? Are your personal standards unreachable and/or unyielding?

    Craig, my dear friend, you are only human!!! Sorry to break that awful news to you in such a blunt manner

    Several years ago we had a series of discussions on divorce (I know I'm breaking no confidence here, since you've discussed this openly on the forum,, since). You held an exacting standard, based upon what you'd been raised with. As I reasoned with you on the subject you seemed to be held in tension between wanting to believe what I was saying and finding it difficult to reject what you'd formerly held true.

    Often we can see a pendulum effect occur with our beliefs and feelings, whereby that which is relinquished is so completely rejected that we are repulsed away from it. I believe I've seen this in your relinquishing of what you previously saw as bible-based beliefs, but that's another story for another day.

    My self-admission about hypocrisy is just that: how I must characterize myself, for whatever reason...

    While you are correct in saying that everyone wears some kind of mask for social interactions (three hearts), bringing to bear the epithet "hypocrite" upon yourself is a little disingenuous you ole self-hating reprobate, you!!!

    Craig, you are who you are! You're not a bad person, you're not Hitler. Loosen up a little and acknowledge and own the fact that what you do and what you hold dear is just part of YOU (and continually evolving). It's not better or worse than anyone else, it just "IS". Love your neighbour as yourself by acknowledging that you have every much a right to love yourself and be loved by your neighbour, on equal footing, as you do to send that love out to the world at large. Forgiving yourself is key to forgiving others. Why don't you call an amnesty on all debts - tomorrow is another day!

    Let the weight that you bear on your heart just slide off into oblivion - let it go - release it - watch it sink into the depths of the ocean, feel the cleansing spray, and set your face to the wind to LIVE!

    Oh, and for Kate's benefit I'd also suggest you stop overthinking things - some days you screw with her head

    I hope these comments will be taken in the manner in which they are extended, as from the first you've been a brother to me. Your recent autobiography has been eye-opening and heart-breaking - but you're living evidence that while we can't choose the hand that's dealt us, we can make the best of it and perhaps call for a change of cards, once in a while

  • Her Ladyship
    Her Ladyship

    Forgiveness is really no big deal. It's a very natural process that needs to be allowed to happen. It's only when we insist on hanging on to the hurt, or even worse, stating to an offender how hard we are trying to forgive them that we therefore become unwittingly self-righteous. In this manner we allow resentment to become embedded in our psyche. It's not natural to stay angry forever. Forgiving is automatic and doesn't need special effort if we just allow ourselves to experience it. It's a flower that just needs to be allowed to grow by itself.

    Christina

  • JamesThomas
    JamesThomas
    Let the weight that you bear on your heart just slide off into oblivion - let it go - release it - watch it sink into the depths of the ocean, feel the cleansing spray, and set your face to the wind to LIVE!
    Forgiveness is really no big deal. It's a very natural process that needs to be allowed to happen. It's only when we insist on hanging on to the hurt, or even worse, stating to an offender how hard we are trying to forgive them that we therefore become unwittingly self-righteous. In this manner we allow resentment to become embedded in our psyche. It's not natural to stay angry forever. Forgiving is automatic and doesn't need special effort if we just allow ourselves to experience it. It's a flower that just needs to be allowed to grow by itself.

    Beautifully said, Ross, and Christina.

  • Robdar
    Robdar
    Forgiveness is really no big deal. It's a very natural process that needs to be allowed to happen. It's only when we insist on hanging on to the hurt, or even worse, stating to an offender how hard we are trying to forgive them that we therefore become unwittingly self-righteous. In this manner we allow resentment to become embedded in our psyche. It's not natural to stay angry forever. Forgiving is automatic and doesn't need special effort if we just allow ourselves to experience it. It's a flower that just needs to be allowed to grow by itself.

    The above is beautifully stated. I used to feel the same way.

  • JamesThomas
    JamesThomas

    used to?

  • Robdar
    Robdar

    Actually, JT, I'm rather torn on the subject of forgiveness. On my one hand, I think it's probably a good thing to do. Afterall, it's the "spiritually correct" thing to do. But sometimes I can't help wondering if "forgiveness" isn't just another form of self righteousness. I mean, don't you have to be just a little bit self righteous in order to think that the other person is in need of forgiveness?

    Then, on my other hand, I sometimes think that forgiveness may not always be the proper thing to do and would only harm the one granting the forgiveness. Once you forgive somebody, truly forgive them, don't you leave yourself vulnerable to be wounded all over again? And what if your antagonizer doesn't want your forgiveness? I also think that in some situations, a good grudge can bring about energy and inspiration and a desire to succeed.

    I know that we're taught to be forgiving. I know it's supposed to bring bad karma and all sorts of weird stuff if we don't. I just dont know that I totally believe that.

    I have decided that if I ever deem that somebody needs forgiveness, I am also going to ask them to forgive me. Meanwhile, I'm not worrying about it. Life is life, people are people, and feces happens all the time.

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