"What will I do with all my suits?"

by jgnat 69 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    There's a very exciting development in our little JW family. I've kept the news close to my chest, as I wouldn't want to jinx it. It's a great story full of drama, intrigue, a mild Sunday School Teacher, the internet, and a bunch freaked-out elders. My JW husband has been deeply betrayed by the local eldership and now has no illusions about the "old boys club" masquerading as Jehovah's representatives. He's ready to throw in the towel. We had a long talk about it last night. He confessed he'd leave, but "What will I do with all my suits?" He's invested so much effort. Right now, he's going to try and start over in another Kingdom Hall.

    I just knew it was time to be frank. I told him that though Jehovah is true to His promises, He can't bless him through this very human-led organization. It's an old boys' club where it matters who you know, not what you know. I told him our local pastor has to be kind because if he isn't the local church board will terminate his contract. My pastor has been a reliable source of comfort and support. I asked hubby, "Who are the elders accountable to? And the PO and the CO, who are they accountable to? And Bethel, who are they accountable to when they screw up?" I gave him an illustration of a compulsive gambler who spends five years of effort waiting for the big score. After all his finances are depleted, he finally admits he will never get rich at that casino. So he switches casinos. I asked, "Will he EVER get his investment back from the casino? Sure, you can try another Kingdom Hall, that's your choice. But I can tell you now the result will be the same."

    We ended with a bible reading and prayer. I am consoling my husband with Jehovah's promises to bless the meek. My husband definitely fits the bill.

    As for the suit problem, I suggested "Vaccum Cleaner Salesman". Hubby didn't think that was very funny. So help me out. He does enjoy cutting a fine figure. What can poor hubby do with all his suits? Any suggestions?

    By the way, I have confirmed that elders DO browse the internet for local infractions. I am pretty sure one elder in our hall has been assigned to me.

    *waves* Hi, Jack. Get got lots of paper and printer ink. You'll need it.

  • carla

    Wow! This is good news, I think. Too bad he has thoughts of trying to go to another hall. As for the suits why not donate some to Goodwill or whatever is an equivalent where you are? How did the elders figure out who you were here? Just your location or facts you may have mentioned? What's the deal with husband getting in trouble? Maybe someday you can tell us. Hurricane relief could probably use some suits. I'm sure some business men could use some. Tell us more! (if you can)

  • rebel8

    Wow I am sooo glad to hear that great news!!!! ((applause))

    What will he do with his suits --> seems to be really a question about how to cope with all the lost investments (time, emotion, $, etc.). I discussed that a little in my book--very common for people to hang onto negative things in their lives just because they don't want to feel as though they wasted time/effort/etc. Those who choose to let go still feel deep regret over the things lost--very normal. It is a grieving process--involves the whole gamut of denial (It's just this group of elders that's wrong, not the whole org), anger (how could they do this to me), shame (how could I do this to me), bargaining (I'll just go to another KH), depression.......

    My mother is a prime example of this. I believe about 75% of her realizes this religion is not really Theee One and Only Truth, but she is afraid to admit that she ruined her marriage, her childrens' lives, her relationship with her extended family and in-laws, donated tons of money, and wasted countless years of time pursuing something so worthless. Rather than admit that, she'll hang on and pretend as though it is worthwhile.......she always believes wishing really hard for something will make it become true.

    Your approach of giving him an illustration was fabulous. Part of his feelings right now will probably be guilt and chagrin for what he's done to you. Just being there and letting him know you are not holding it against him will mean a lot.

  • blondie

    Well, we saved his 2 newest and best-looking ones for interviews. He has used them a couple of times for that. Sometimes funerals of certain people have called for more formal wear.

    Keep at least one for job interviews.


  • luna2

    Wow, jgnat! Interesting development. I sure hope your husband takes what you two discussed to heart and continues to explore exiting the borg.

    You, know, if he started attending church with you, he'd still be able to wear his suits every Sunday. Other than that, I suppose he could think about getting an executive-type job where suits are required. Or he could take you out to fancy restaurants a couple times a week.

  • jgnat
    Carla: Too bad he has thoughts of trying to go to another hall.

    This is where patience comes in, Carla. I look for progression, not perfection. I know a major hurdle has been overcome. The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society will not be able to wipe off this tarnish, unless the elders themselves became loving leaders. I've won already. My husband's heart is no longer in it. All that is left is mop-up detail, like teaching my husband where God's comfort really comes from.

    Carla: How did the elders figure out who you were here?

    I'm not sure they have put two-and-two together and tracked me here. It's been funny really, hearing how they browsed some pretty scuzzy internet sites trying to locate me on the web. Now I am hoping they do find me. The thought of some poor elder (hi, Jack) printing out six thousand posts (about twenty pounds of paper) gives me a delicious thrill. Then they are going to have to read it all to find some Jezebel-like garbage to show my hubby the alter-ego of this mild Sunday School Teacher. The poor reader (hi, Jack) will have to sterilize his eyes.

    Carla: What's the deal with husband getting in trouble? Maybe someday you can tell us. Tell us more! (if you can)

    Here's the short version. By a small miracle I met someone else attending our congregation on the internet. She shared how a Ministerial Servant was talking about us behind our backs. I'm not surprised, I mean, the Kingdom Hall is a closed community. I would expect that gossip is rampant. But my loyal JW hubby was shocked. He confronted the gossiper (a Ministerial Servant). The elders, ever concerned about keeping the congregation clean, wanted to know where he got his information. No concern over the offence. Hubby was told not to cause a disturbance in the congregation and be humble about it. They tracked my source and bullied her. She's left. Now we have a bunch of freaked-out elders who can't believe they could be outed by a mere female "unbaptised study", a female UBM "Sunday School Teacher", and a "spiritually weak" brother who they'd rather wish had never picked their hall to study with. I mean, this threesome could not have less status at the Kingdom Hall.

    Rebel 8: It seems to be really a question about how to cope with all the lost investments (time, emotion, $, etc.).

    You describe my hubby's grief very well. He was severely depressed yesterday. I suggested he not spend any more time dwelling over this situation, but get out and do things. He'll feel much better.

    Thanks for the suggestions, all:

    Job interviews (blondie)

    Donate to goodwill (carla)

    Funerals (blondie)

    To church (luna 2)

    Hurricane relief (carla) Too bad JW's aren't oriented towards charity. My hubby wants to enjoy his suits. The elders have robbed him of joy.

    Fancy restaurants (luna 2) *YAAY my favorite

  • kls

    Wonderful jgnat. Maybe the next hall will seem uninviting ,well let's hope.

    Suitcoats make nice scarecrows for Holloween

  • Cellist

    Hi jgnat. That's good news. My suggestion would also be, get decked out and go out on the town. Restaurants, concerts, art shows, etc. Let him enjoy his suits, getting dressed up can be fun when you don't have to do it all the time.


  • minimus

    He should wear a different suit every week while he's taking you out on the town.

  • luna2

    This whole thing has brought to mind a couple of brothers in both congregations I attended who had "unbelieving" wives and how they were regarded and treated by the elders.

    There was one poor guy who was very humble and sensative. He tried to impliment the lame and intrusive suggestions on how to live his life given to him by the doofus elder I worked for, but none of it made any difference. He was still looked at as lacking. He would never be invited into the Old Boys' Club no matter what he did. He would never be one of the popular guys. Sometimes the KH is just like grade school.

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