How to break it to my young children we are not JWs anymore? (page 3)

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How To Tell Your Children You Have Been In A Cult

When I told our kids, then ages 8 and 5, that we weren't going to go to meetings anymore, they CHEERED!!! A few months later, we attended part of a meeting to hear Grandpa give a talk (it was his first part on the Theocratic Ministry School since being reinstated), and as we pulled into the parking lot of the KH, Jackson (then 5) said, "you know, I miss going to the Kingdom Hall." I said, "why, honey?" and he replied, "I got good sleep there." (He'd fall asleep as soon as the meeting started and wake up after the last Amen.)

No worries! Kids are smart and yours will probably adore their new-found freedoms.

Nina

AlmostAtheist

When Gina and I came out, Zach was 6 years old and fully indoctrinated. He absolutely freaked when we said we were not going to be JW's anymore. He didn't want to hear about why, he wanted to know how we were going to survive Armageddon! It was scary at first, it looked like he was going to stay in permanent panic mode, but it actually subsided very quickly. In a couple of days he started to warm up to the idea of not going to meetings anymore. In a week or two, he was fully on board.

Moral of the story? Expect them to freak, but don't worry about it and don't force the "new light" down their throat. Give 'em a little time to get their heads around it.

Congrats on getting your whole immediate family out!!!

Dave

blondie

The author of that book "Toxic Faith" has a network of support groups.

I missed that info, author? I'd like to see if there are groups around here.

Congratulations on your wife's insight.

We didn't have children but based I what I read here be wary about their relationship with their grandparents.

Blondie

AK - Jeff

Whoa. Did I miss something? Last I knew wifey was finishing Toxic Faith and had just come back from a meeting. This is great news, but I feel like I've missed a thread.

I am with you on that Billygoat. I am not sure I have ever seen the process work so quickly, if it has. Seems like just four or five weeks back that the wife was starting to think about WT chronology a little bit. Ithinkisee - I believe your wife was ready to get out long before you knew it - WOW. Jeff

keeshah

next up will be how to introduce the "real world" to our children. . . . .

The one that has been in school for 2 years has already been introduced to it. She has just been on the outside looking in.

Trust me, they will be happy that you have left. If not now, DEFINATELY when they are teenagers. You will probably have less problems with them and they will have better morals.

Keeshah... of the "double life" class

ithinkisee

I am with you on that Billygoat.
I am not sure I have ever seen the process work so quickly, if it has. Seems like just four or five weeks back that the wife was starting to think about WT chronology a little bit. Ithinkisee - I believe your wife was ready to get out long before you knew it - WOW.
Jeff

I agree with you Jeff. She is a smart girl. I think she was realizing things weren't right for quite some time. She has made comments that reveal she has a problem with many things. The first of such was here:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/96831/1.ashx
"At this point my lovely wife broke down. She started crying and said she is sick of feeling like she can never do enough. She is sick of self-righteous people making subltle-but-mean comments to weaker ones. She is sick of the obsession with numbers and quotas. She is sick of feeling like she will lose her kids at Armageddon if they aren't at enough meetings or out in service enough. She said she sees the pattern of inducing guilt on their followers!"

Saying she is "sick" of it made me realize she has been noticing patterns of guilt and class distinctions for some time.

-ithinkisee

Tez

Whatever you decide to say keep it simple. Kids are very uncomplicated, take things at face value, and it will probably be a lot easier than you think. Most adults stress about how to tell their children about various things, from experience when I have had to face them with something they usually say 'Ok, can we go out to play now!!' a real anti climax, but thats the way children are!!! Its us that make things complicated!

jgnat

What everyone said.

I don't think leaving the WT is nearly as traumatic as, say, a divorce. On young children. From what I remember about breaking news about divorce to children of this age, do provide any reassurance that they need that you will always be there for them, you are not going to die, and so on. Children of this age don't want their world rocked, and at this age you are their world.

I really like this:

Well, if they are truely sincere little beliving kids, you might have to break it to them gently. If they are normal kids well on the way to developing a full-fledged double life, they could well do back-flips with joy.

And as Blondie said, keep an eye on the grandparents.

Doubtfully Yours

If they don't ask, you don't tell. Many things that worry adults don't necessarily worry children whatsoever.

Try to keep a nice, happy and stable environment for them. Keep them occupied with after school activities of the fun/learning type, where they can make good friends. They'll be just fine then.

DY

How to break it to my young children we are not JWs anymore?

DannyHaszard