Last night.
Wife was looking up stuff on Internet on the Cross. I was getting nervous she might find the exact page I got the stuff about the Cross that I printed up for her.
The end result was that she said she didn't really see the big deal anyways. She said that if the Society was misquoting like they did in the reasoning book regarding the Cross it was pretty serious though.
I told her that it appeared Rutherford got rid of a lot of stuff related to Jesus - the Cross, Christmas, and then they reduced his status in scripture in the NWT.
We talked a lot about early Christianity and how they didn't report to a GB or anything but they pretty much operated autonomously. She mentioned it seemed like that is how the Bible Students were ... and I agreed. We both agreed that other than Russel's end-time fascination and some other quirks, the BIble Students really did seem to be closer to the First-Century congregation.
She said she was appalled by the arrogance in the early WT publications.
We somehow got onto the subject of "works". I told her how during the last few months I played sick to get out of meetings because I knew they were really guilt-inducing.
At this point my lovely wife broke down. She started crying and said she is sick of feeling like she can never do enough. She is sick of self-righteous people making subltle-but-mean comments to weaker ones. She is sick of the obsession with numbers and quotas. She is sick of feeling like she will lose her kids at Armageddon if they aren't at enough meetings or out in service enough. She said she sees the pattern of inducing guilt on their followers!
We talked a lot more about first-century Christians. I read her some stuff from Matt 23 about the Pharisees claiming righteousness because they gave the "tenth of the dill, cumin, etc" and pointed out how JWs seem to be the same - an obsession with quotas.
She then went on to relate some recent JW experiences that really irked her. She also talked about a trip to the store she went on today with a friend of hers and how she felt so sad for her that her friend was judging people merely on whether they were witnesses or not. She said she kept hearing comments from people about guilt - how the drama made one friend feel guilty about building a house. Or guilty because they enjoy the company of certain non-JWs. She said it really bothered her.
We talked about some of the fallout from this - what would happen with family/friends. This is very important to her - and to me I suppose - but especially to her. She broke down thinking about losing some friends in particular.
I talked to her about "grace". She looked at me in a way that indicated she had never even heard that before. That was fine, because I hadn't either until about 6 months ago. I explained it to her and how it is mentioned throughout scripture and is a pivotal part of Christianity.
I also explained how the Society removed almost any mention of it - and changed it to "undeserved kindness". We talked for a minute more on how the Society has a pattern of beating us down and making us feel unworthy.
She talked about recent experiences she has had that opened her eyes to the fact that non-JWs are so loving and kind - and how they were the direct opposite of what the Society told us they were. SHe compared this with some awful things JWs have said recently.
I told her how comforting the scriptures seem to me now. I told her that I read the NT and sometimes even tear up and cry. She asked why. I said because it seems SO LOVING to me now - and in the past it felt like I was constantly being condemned.
She said, well that is how it is supposed to feel - loving.
We talked some more on how they (JWs) twist scripture. I read her 1 John 4:1 about "testing the inspired expressions" to see whether they originate from man or God.
I told her that - although I don't want to sound like a know-it-all - that I wanted to warn her that sometimes the meetings can be pretty stress-inducing after coming to the conclusions she has. I explained to her how I often get nauseous at the meetings now and my back and shoulders start to ache and I start to sweat - because the stuff they say is so infuriating to me sometimes.
It went well last night. I was so happy. She seems comforted now too - though she is still very clear that she is not able to just walk away from it. I told her to take all the time she needs. I'm not going anywhere.
She said that a few months ago she was completely convinced I was cheating on her. She was going to run into my office and demand my partner tell her where I was. We actually laughed about it together. I assured her I never have cheated on her - and that the only thing I was cheating on her with was the Bible.
We talked a little more about her dad. She feels sorry for him that he feels so bummed about being an elder and a lot of the little problems. We agreed that when we get up to NC that we will talk to him about this stuff. We prayed together again last night.
I have to run and won't be able to respond to this stuff until tonight ... but thanks everyone for all the help and encouragement so far!
-ithinkisee
