by ithinkisee 45 Replies latest members private
Just go with it. There will be a (very) short transition period for your little guys, but after that's over, it won't be that big of a deal for them.
I remember when Mrs. Kwin and I were talking about it with the kids, our littlest (at the time 4) asked, "Why aren't we going to the meetings anymore." But after we gave a simple explaination, he was ok with it and it never came up again.
Don't overcomplicate it for them. You might just make them more confused then they already are.
Kwin
Regarding grandparents:Yes, my wife's parents will be in the new town. He is an elder. But he has experienced nothing but disappointment in trying to change what hopeful JW's call "the old school elders". My wife and I are not delusional, but are hopeful that we can make some serious inroads with them when we move there.
We have talked about what we would do if their grandparents asked if they could take our kids to meeting. Instead of saying "NO!" in no uncertain terms, and then my kids find out that nothing seriously evil goes on at the Kingdom Hall - they may wonder what we are trying to hide from them and begin doubting out decisions. So ... we don't feel an absolute NO regarding going to an occasional meeting with family members is the best choice. What this means, is that we need to do our job as parents and get them a social structure of friends (from school, dance classes, etc) BEFORE they go to a JW meeting. We plan on teaching our kids how to identify traits of toxic groups, high control groups, and cults. We feel alot of people find comfort in the JWs because of the initial welcoming social structure. If we can help our kids to have good friends right from the start, then being a JW is not going to seem all that attractive - especially if they would have to get rid of their non-JW friends and hobbies in order to progress as a JW.
If the grandparents continually persist, we will have to be more upfront with them. But we can also schedule many things for our kids to do with other friends (and with us) on meeting nights.
We also plan on being upfront with our kids on the teachings of the WT. We will show them how they are biblically wrong, and how they use guilt and such to motivate their followers.
Obviously we don't plan on doing this ALL AT ONCE. I am mainly speaking of their entire childhood. As they grow into teenagers, and so forth.
Regarding the book "Toxic Parents" (for Blondie):
Here is the link to the book on Amazon.com.
They run a ministry called "New Life Ministries". I am open to everyone's feedback on this group. Please feel free to look around the site and let me know. Neither of us are interested in committing to ANY GROUP at all. The book does not appear to be a commercial for New Life Ministries. My wife is open to going to a local support group - at least initially. It seems like it would be a nice way to fill the social network structure initially.
-ithinkisee
Hi ithinkisee,
While our kids were older than yours, we pretty much did what everyone else is suggesting, and it worked great - much better than we had anticipated. If you want to read our "tell the children" experience, here it is:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/57527/1.ashx
By the way, it has been wonderful to read your progress with your wife!!! I wish the both of you the best of luck in your upcoming move and in your exit from the cult.
Best regards,
Brandon
Thanks for your story escapedLifer.
Very encouraging.
-ithinkisee
our kids were young as well, when we quit going to the Hall. My eldest son was only disappointed we weren't going anymore, because he missed the candy...there was a sister who gave the young ones candy after each meeting. He did continue to sit down for the national anthem, though, for another schoolyear, only because there was another witness kid in his class. But, initially, the kids were very happy to celebrate their birthdays and the rest of the holidays, unashamedly. It didn't seem to be a problem for them to adjust. Best wishes....
Delilah
Yeah kids bounce back fast.. especially at their ages.. They'll be tickled they dont have to go any more I'll bet..
and the opporunity to be normal in school! How you will be giving them a real childhood..
Sassy, you are so right about giving the kids a "normal" childhood at school.....boy, the troubles we had as kids, being JW's.....I'll never forget. UGH!!! And we were "normal" Anglicans before we became JW's.....go figure. My kids are having a blast being normal.
I agree with Blondie regarding the grandparents. You will need to keep an eye on that but something you will also have to watch out for especially regarding the child who is in school
She has been exposed to all the holidays are bad to celebrate. The last thing you want is to say "Hey we can now do all those things" and at school she does them but has a lot of guilt and fear about doing it. Try reinforcing that after really looking at what God wants these things are not bad or sins and certainly nothing God would hurt us for. Begin by introducing Christ into their lives (they get very little of that as JWS). Whether you decide to explore other religions or not definitely talk about what Christian love really is and help them to see the differences.
How about with a party? You might be surprised, they may want to celebrate. I know I would of as a child Witness.
Oh yeah, here is the link to New Life Ministries
I was talking about these guys in a previous entry:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/97969/1681785/post.ashx#1681785
I am open to everyone's feedback on this group. Please feel free to look around the site and let me know. Neither of us are interested in committing to ANY GROUP at all. The book does not appear to be a commercial for New Life Ministries. My wife is open to going to a local support group - at least initially. It seems like it would be a nice way to fill the social network structure initially.
-ithinkisee
