Turning the shunning policy around onto Mother...

by sf 71 Replies latest members private

• 

  acadian

  Hardcore to be sure !

  Man I'm glad i don't have any family in the Borganization.

  I D.Aed myself and my wife and kids follow, well the youngest still goes,but he leads a double life.

  I told him he could still go because halve his friends are Jw's so by putting on the show for the Jw parents they let their kids associate with him.( he's had these friends from birth )

  { were bad i know!)

  I hope you have gotten alittle piece of mind now, being able to unload and confront your mother.

  An old friend of mine use to say...

  " I don't care if anyone shows up to my wake and says good bye, I'd just like them to stop by and say hi while i'm alive."

  Kind Regards

  Acadian
• 

  LoverOfTruth

  There's an old saying "Just because they don't love you the way you want to be loved, it doesn't mean they don't love you" Perhaps it will give you some comfort.

  I feel really sad for your mother; she is forbidden to be available when you need it most. It took a great deal of effort for her to pick up the phone and make that call. She needed to hear what you had to say and probably even wanted to hear it. Maybe she wanted to feel some of the pain you are experiencing.
• 

  Wasanelder Once

  SF,

  Am I to assume that as an adult you were not a victim of falsehood yourself? Were you responsible for being fed crap and thinking it was cream? If when shown it is wrong you stick with it, then I can understand your view. I think you just made it plain to your mother the extent to which she is being fed crap. Now its up to her.

  As far as my statement of an untold history, it was not meant to say that it was untold as to your guilt in this relationship, rather it was meant in regards to your own admission of “Keeping in mind of course, that what I posted was only a small portion of the (chat) we had.” There is more to this story than anger and frustration. You ranted and it read like rant. That’s the benefit of this venue, isn’t it, to get things off your chest? Is it also for others to stifle their own opinion and accept that anger and striking out is the best solution to a problem? Obviously your outburst is the result of pent up frustration that is not of your creation and I see how you could get so upset. It still wont help her or you in the long run to have real peace. Do you think its healthy to take all that hatred for the world and translate it into hatred for your mother? As I said, there is a history between you and your mother that goes way beyond this recent phone call. No judgment being made there.

  As far as being an ex elder, do you still put the emphasis on elder whereas I put it on the “EX”? No matter. Even those who have tried to do their best have seen the futility of it, including the disfellowshipping bullshit. I have several family members who are DF’d and never stopped talking to them even while an elder. That’s why I’m here posting. Get a grip and calm down. You are not the only one in pain over these issues. Personally I don’t think what you do is my business, you put it out here for response. Mine was not a negative one, it just wasn't completely what you wanted to hear.

  Get pissed at your mom and give others credit for holding and expressing a different opinion. Isn't that what got you in trouble with the Borg? or would you rather dissfellowship me from this forum?

  If you don’t think I am saddened at the news or your loss then you are mistaken. Fear not, I wouldn’t have sent you a pretty brochure. Like you I’m outta that club.

  You have it under control.

  I agree with LoverOfTruth.

  …and I do wish you better days ahead.

  W.Once
• 

  sf

  As far as being an ex elder, do you still put the emphasis on elder whereas I put it on the “EX”? No matter.

  Oh, it matters. It matters that when I read your posts TO ME, your elderisms aren't void.

  You are free to express yourSELF to me anyway you choose. No agrument there. But ask yourSELF: Does she really give a rats ass what I, a self proclaimed EX ELDER of an organization that destroyed her family and continues to foster hatred by continually adhering to insane policies of an insane so-called "true religion", actually take to heart anything I have to say, as an ex elder?

  LOL! As if brother.

  You are also free to sit there and anal-yze me until you think you've actually figured me out. Have at it. Try not to let it take up too much space in your head.

  Am I to assume that as an adult you were not a victim of falsehood yourself?

  Yes, you are an ass to ass-ume this. I was never an adult jw. If that were the case the dynamics of my jw life experience would have been much different. I thought for sure this fact was pretty transparent in my anger that you've seemed to miraculously been able to 'shrink' me on.

  As far as I've determined in my own research and observations of all types of jws/ exjws is that the level of anger varies. Experiencing disfellowshipment and the policy of shunning that results as a child is much different in the dynamics of rage that it is for an adult jw who has experienced such the same.

  'Lettuce' ponder...why would that be, brother?

  Look, if you take my posts to you as negative. That is not my problem. Again, that is YOUR choice of emotion to feel. I can't or don't control that. Seems you need a lesson in self-control. LOLOLOL

  LoverTruth,

  I appreciate your post:

  "Just because they don't love you the way you want to be loved, it doesn't mean they don't love you" Perhaps it will give you some comfort.

  Replying to you and the active jws still thinking that somehow there is any real, genuine love in this org. You may not agree and that's okay, yet:

  For me, masked love is no comfort to anyone. Jws only love is Jehovah and the org. This is what I've observed. And when the walk out into the "wicked system of things that Jehovah will one day SOON destroy", they must put on the mask that says to said world: "We are no part of you yet would you like a bible study so you can gain everlasting life? If you don't, Jehovah our god will kill you in the end. All your beliefs are false. We are the true religion." Isn't the real truth of how they feel?

  And if it isn't then WHY is there even a shunnng policy and why don't jws just get honest with the householder and tell them this? Why beat around the bush? Lay it out there . Don't sugarcoat any of it. Tell the world what you say about them at meetings and in litter-ature, to their face. Without your mask on.

  Why write endless amounts of litter-ature declaring what will happen to "this wicked system of things and all it's people" if that isn't what is felt by each DEDICATED, BAPTIZED jw? Isn't this issue even part of being able to BE baptized into the org.?

  All I'm trying to say is get real honest about how you [jws] really feel about the worldly people around them. Stop faking it everytime you come in contact with such. It's irritating and insultive to our intelligence.

  sKally
• 

  Odrade

  
  Hear, Hear sKally! Yes, most JW parents still love their children, in their own fashion. I hear all the time on here and elsewhere, people talking about how the love a parent has for a child surpasses everything they feel for anyone or anything else. So how do they explain the JWs, who subjugate their love for their children, to their love for their concept of God and his "Visible Organization?" Yes, they may love "in their own way," but that way is distorted and sick, because who loves a Corporation of printing presses and real estate holdings MORE than they love their own children? I think the things you said to your mother were spot-on.

  WasanELDER Once. Maybe she (and some others of us here) are picking up the ELDER more than the EX, because you are still acting exactly like one. Not many people come on here and choose a screenname that proclaims their elder status (or former elder status,) and the ones who do are generally pretty careful not to "counsel" the board. Also, when they offer opinions, they do not do it in a self-righteous manner, with JW catch-phrases still intact. AND, when the person they make the comments to says they don't see it that way, they don't come back with more "counsel" to show them why their perspective needs to be "adjusted." Sounds like you are not so far from ELDER as you would like to think you are.

  Odrade, whose hair stands up on the back of her neck with "counseled" by "ex-elders."
• 

  Wasanelder Once

  odrade and sf,

  I think maybe this forum is for people to simply pontificate. Anyone who expresses an opposite view from thiers is an evil watchtower interloper. Some of us who have left still believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, not the organization but the people. You are obviously traumatized by your DF'ing and the ensuing stupidity of those who hold to it. I happened to care about what happened to you sf. You dont like the fact that I do, that's ok. I just think, as a person... not an ex anything, that your anger is self defeating. Others think its a mark of courage. I think that looking for the good in people will help reach them, coupled with honesty. You were certainly honest with your mom, for that I salute you. I only advocate understanding. Doesn't look like anyone will hold you down! Go nuts kid. I think dialouge is healthy, notice the different avatar? Thanks.

  W.Once
• 

  Odrade

  I think maybe this forum is for people to simply pontificate. Anyone who expresses an opposite view from thiers is an evil watchtower interloper. Some of us who have left still believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, not the organization but the people. You are obviously traumatized by your DF'ing and the ensuing stupidity of those who hold to it. I happened to care about what happened to you sf. You dont like the fact that I do, that's ok. I just think, as a person... not an ex anything, that your anger is self defeating.

  says the:

  Post 48 of 49
  since 22-Jun-05
  
  

  I think you are still counseling the poor deluded lowly sister about her unrestrained and unjustified fits of anger.
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  
  Good Night Nurse, someone really turned up the heat in here...

  Skally, I'm not exactly sure what Was Once is trying to say but sounds like he's just feeling bad for your mother. In a way I feel bad for mine too, but no matter what she *thinks* is keeping her apart from me and her grandkids, it's her stubborn blindness that is at fault.

  It takes courage to stand up to your mom and tell her how you feel. Our abandoning parents need to hear it. All they get at the KH is the 'poor you, such a martyr for the 'truth', stay strong and you'll be rewarded in the new system' crap. Rewarded with what? New kids? Are we so replacable in the hearts of our parents that we are nothing that cannot be replaced like so many pairs of soiled underpants?

  WasOnce, I know that you are just trying to see both sides here, but your comments are really dumb, imho. It hurts too badly for ones mother to pull the kind of stuff that Skally's and my mothers have for there to be a reasonable 'other side'. It is inexcusable in this information age that they do not care enough for their own children and grandchildren to at least look into their own faith.

  Jean

  (edited to add: Was Once...nice avatar! )
• 

  Wasanelder Once

  jeanniebeanz,

  You can thank sf for my nice avatar. I thought the old one a bit stark but heck, live and learn. I like this one better too, more in line with my outlook. Hey, just pack up and move on if it brings you down and you cant bring it up. All in good time.

  Just know that I think that death is the end of hope for relationships. I just hate to see sf suffer from bitterness on top of the family's misguided actions. Damn it, I do wish her well. I cant send cash, I cant get her mother to pull her head out of her ass, but I can encourage sf to take deep breaths and hang on. The WT Bull.... causes suffering all around.

  Yes, as an elder I was in the thick of it. Thats what made me open my eyes. Its not what they say it is so I packed up and moved on.

  I am happier now.

  I know sf will have cause to be happier in future days.

  W.Once
• 

  Billygoat

  ((((((sKally))))))))

  I wish I could do more than e-hug. But it's all I have.

  I'm really proud of you. It takes some of us a long time to fight for ourselves.