Coming clean about what's been going on lately, I need to talk......

by Jez 60 Replies latest social family

  • Jez
    Jez

    Well, my SIL and best friend came to this site on my recommendation (JW). I just wanted her to check it out without judgement as we have always been able to talk about everything. She basically was disgusted, said it was full of crap and lies and would never look at it again. (After reading it for about 5 hours). That was fine with me, but the more she thought about it and prayed, she decided that it would be best for her to step back from our relationship, seeing 'the direction' I am taking in my life.

    I couldn't do it. I could not let her leave me. I love her so much and we have been best friends since childhood. So, I did the unthinkable. I promised her finally that I would get reinstated...for her...for no other reason than her. She agreed that she was ok with that, that there was no other strings attached and what I did afterwards would be my decision. SO, I started going to meetings again, as you all know.

    Well, it has been almost 2 months of meetings attendance for me, and what I did not know what that she stayed on this site, and looked for me until she found me. She found me. Now that she has, she read all my old posts and has decided that no longer is it important that I go to meetings to get reinstated because 'that is not who I am'. She was surprised that I was so angry and bitter towards the WTBS and while she does not care if I have my own beliefs, she is not sure that I will keep them to myself. She is worried that I will try to sway her or her children.

    I am angry and bitter. I am shocked at the things I have learned. I am tired and feel betrayed. I walked through those doors for HER, going on her word that it was enough. My husband warned me that it would not be enough, and he was right. She says that she did not have all the facts and feels like she does not know me now. She KNEW how hard it was for me to do this! That to sit there was like being remorseful, sorry, whatever, for getting out of a 14 year abusive marriage, when I am only proud of myself and so happy with the decisions I have made in my life. I was treated horribly, my ex was only publically reproved even tho he was arrested and I was df'ed for marrying my husband. She knows more than anyone in the world about my life.....yet she can do this....I am stunned!

    Just because I no longer believe all that the WT says, or that I am hurt and angry at the injustice of it all and that I do not feel that they follow the bible as Jesus would have wanted, does not make me a different person. I am still fun-loving, risky, spiritual, loving, family-oriented, kind, intelligent, etc...all the fundemental things about me have NOT changed. I have become wiser and now, in the process, I have lost the one person that meant so so much to me. Very painful time, yet again. The world is so so normal. People in other families don't have to be the same religion and guess what, they are not afraid that the ones that are NOT of the same faith will 'sway' their or their childrens thinking. Why can't ppl just be happy that family is at least spiritual? Why does it matter SO much that they are not all JW's? I am boggled that she would go to this extreme. She will attribute it to God's will, that she prayed and this is her answer. Maybe it is God's will that my brother is no longer a witness and most of my family is not either. I don't care what they are-but she does-and I no longer am a worthy friend.

    Crushed, Jez

  • kls
    kls

    Jez , i am sorry and nothing i say will make the pain stop or go away. Why must the jws only have love for those that have tunnel vision instead of the jw loving people for whom they are ( a freemind)

    ((((((((hugs ))))))))) Jez

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    (((Jez))) Put on Bonnie Raitt singing "I can't make you love me", and cry yourself to sleep. Take comfort that you love her.

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    That is brutal.

    S shaking head

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    ((((((((((Jez))))))))))

    I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. There is not much I can say to make you feel better, sometimes the things we have to go through just plain suck!! This tells me what kind of a person you are, how far you were willing to go, and what you were willling to go through for a friend. Sadly your friend lacked the ability to do the same things for you.

    BB

  • Soledad
    Soledad

    that's awful. I can't believe how conditional her love is. then again it's not uncommon is it?

    I'm sorry you are hurt. The only thing I hope for is that she will keep coming here and see for herself how cruel and inhumane the WTS is and how many people's lives have been destroyed by their teachings.

  • talesin
    talesin

    Jez, it's hard to have your love stomped on like that. They are so cruel, I know. Sorry.

    t

  • CeriseRose
    CeriseRose

    {{{{{{{Jez}}}}}}}}

    I am SO sorry for what you have had to go through, first at being estranged from her, to making the decision to go back for her, and now to this betrayal. I wish you peace of heart and mind and a healing grieving process.

    Remember, she's the one who is missing out.

  • bikerchic
    bikerchic

    (((((((((Jez)))))))))

    I am still fun-loving, risky, spiritual, loving, family-oriented, kind, intelligent, etc...all the fundemental things about me have NOT changed.

    The words above are who you are, stay true to yourself above all! I know it hurts right now and believe me I know because I had a very close life long JW friend drop me because of the same things, it hurts!

    But you also know the uncomfortable feelings you had about yourself when you were putting on a front to get re-instated. Losing your self respect and peace of mind like that isn't worth it especially when it's based on a "conditional" relationship. If it wasn't this believe me it would be something else on down the line.

    Stay strong! Get and develop a new base of friends and sooner than you know you won't be thinking about how much you miss her and you will see her for what she really is, a cult follower.

    Hugs!

    Kate

  • Bryan
    Bryan

    Jez,

    I'm sorry you have gone through so much and still have lost your sister. I lost my 20 year old daugter a year ago; I know the pain.

    Hopefully one day they will wake up, or for our sakes... time will heal all wounds.

    Bryan

    Have You Seen My Mother

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