You don't have to read this... Feedback Wanted

by Sparkplug 77 Replies latest jw friends

  • misanthropic

    So many of the things you went through I can't even comprehend. I had to laugh at several parts that I could relate to, especially about the tumble weeds. And the that was pretty funny- it is insane how fast that dryed up brush goes up in flames. Haha the wonderful life of desert dwelling ;-)
    Reading that had me in tears of sadness one minute and tears of laughter then next- incredibly touching indeed. I don't know if my saying this sounds bad but reading that made me feel like I was a pampered spoiled little brat in comparison, it made my heart ache for you. It just blows my mind to see the person you are now and to know all those horrific things you went through. Really put things into perspective for me. One day soon we'll definitely have to take that road trip to Santa Fe.
    Much love to you (((((Decki)))))

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    Ok, I only read Chapter 1 because it's long and it's late. I will read rest tomorrow night.

    First impression. Great sense of humor! I like the clipped, modern, edgy style of writing. Very dramatic and punchy. (I'm planning to write my own story in same style at some point).

    Aside from a few punctuation and grammar errors (minor) I would agree with the earlier poster who said certain parts need more detail and fleshing out for greater coherence. I believe this can be done (polished) without losing your clipped style. I will try to post some specific examples later or in a pm as I know specific as opposed to general criticism is more helpful.

    I believe I said the same thing to you when you first came on this board and wrote some of your story then. I see you have improved in the fleshing out and detail quite a bit since that first attempt. Yet you did not sacrifice your unique style.

    You definitely have a knack and a style!


  • acadian

    Wow Decki...!!! "Bless your heart" Acadian

  • J-ex-W


    Haven't read it all yet [tired/ brain dead today]...but have read enough to know you have a real talent for story-telling/ expressions/ words. Respect. (Yeah, I know...I've watched a couple too many Ali G video clips...but I mean that. You're good.) Looking forward to the rest!

  • Sparkplug
    I know specific as opposed to general criticism is more helpful.

    Cog~ Very much appreciated. (and needed) I am trying to find that happy writing zone again)

    Acadian~ I giggled and got the joke. Very funny.

    J-ex-W~ Thanks so much! I am thinking this week I may work on a wee bit more. I am feeling it some. Just formulating a plan.

  • codeblue

    ok...Decki....great story, well written

    ........I am white and I promise I can cook.........I am not old enough to be your MOM....but I raised a 32 year old step son from the age of 8......he calls me Mom. His real Mom was an alcoholic/druggie.

    I have no parents......since the age of 14 and 28......and a JW son who has relinquished contact with me......

    He somehow got my step son to quit contacting me too.. I hate that my MOM raised me in this religion with no love.

    So........I can be your MOM....................I will adopt you.........and yes I can COOK!!!! lol...really!


  • restrangled

    Spark plug, I just read the first chapter because I have to get to bed, but can hardly wait to read the rest!

    How you survived what I just read, I will never know. Your story is so intriguing~can hardly wait to read the rest tomorrow.

    Thanks for posting it.

    Love R, and take care dear!

  • nvrgnbk

    Are you published yet Decki?

    If not, why not?

    You are an awesome writer!

  • Sparkplug

    Code Blue

    So........I can be your MOM....................I will adopt you.........and yes I can COOK!!!! lol...really!

    Ah to have had such a normal mom. there is no way that you are your age. I keep seeing photos of you at the fest I have and I am amazed...beautiful. PM me your email and I will send them on to you!

  • Sparkplug

    restrangled~thank you so much.

    nvrgnbk~ probably because I don't have a clue where to start nor who to go to with it. lol perhaps not really confident.

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