I can't get to grips with being shunned

by chuckyy 54 Replies latest jw experiences

  • inquirer
    inquirer

    upside/down--
    I hear ya-

    I was in line at Wally World (Wal-Mart) with my kids- the place was booming packed!

    My kids notice that the couple in front of us are an elder and his wife from our hall. The elder I asked to pray for me as I was feeling weak. The elder who prsided over a bogus JC regarding me (it was thrown out). He makes eye contact with me and immediately looks away and deliberately pretends me and my kids are invisible. My kids say why is he ignoring us (it's painfully ackward and obious)! we're standing TIGHT THERE NEXT TO HIM. The cashier even had a funny lkook on her face, like what's going on? I was so pissed- I've done nothing NOTHING, this f*cker makes a PUBLIC display of his disdain for me and my kids- some "shepherd"! How do you explain this to your pre=teen and teen age kids? Talk about REPROACH- they make me hate the "God" and "Org." that they claim to represent!!!

    I wish I would have said something for all to hear. This behaviour is deplorable. Do they think this will make me ever want to go back to that pile of vomit? Are they nuts? If that's not J's "direction" I don't know what is! Jehovah is obviously telling me to stay the hell away from these inbred morons (apologies to all inbreds who aren't morons). I don't judge them THEY JUDGE THEMSELVES as @$$holes!

    u/d You Suck
    \





    John 13:35 By this all will know that YOU are my disciples, if YOU have love among yourselves.? NWT

    They don't have that. :( So they aren't Christian. :(

  • inquirer
    inquirer

    This is something Jehovah's Witnesses should keep in mind every time they shun someone... I love this scriptures, one of my favorites.

    Hebrews 10:31 31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of [the] living God. -- NWT

  • inquirer
    inquirer

    Preston --

    Don't take what they did to you personally chuckyy ....It's an impersonal organization

    Its a religion with a group of people at the top who go to great pains to take away everyone's individuality.. You can't even acknowledge your own date of existence unless it's above a generalized statement. Whatever soul a person has before they become a dub is quickly squashed and put in chains once they're in.

    I'm sorry bout that..

    - Preston



  • inquirer
    inquirer

    garybuss --

    I shun anyone who shuns me. I have found shunning from Witness people to be the gift that keeps on giving. It's a good way to identify who is nice and who is mean. I stayed in the town I was raised in when I quit the unpaid pulp religious literature distribution business. Many Witnesses didn't treat me that good when I was a Witness. I like the shunning practice, I plan on continuing it.



  • inquirer
    inquirer

    rwagoner

    I have to agree with Double Edge....

    I make it a point to go out of my way to acknowledge them and then make them look small and petty to anyone who might be in the area. I show them that I am happy, successful, well adjusted and have moved on from their cult...and I make sure anyone watching knows that they are jdubs and just how cruel and silly their shunning game is.

    I also regularly contact my family who are still in....I call, email and even stop by their house with my kids. It is their decision to obey the org and shun me...I dont follow the org's rules so I will contact them as much as I want and if it makes them uncomfortable....GOOD ! LOL

    I couldn't wait to call my family and mention the changes to the awake publishing...and the pending announcement on March 20th about replacing the book....they are always dumbfounded that I know more about the org than they do... LOL

    RGW



  • inquirer
    inquirer

    I am sorry if I am posting too much, but this is something I really detest....

    Another way of looking at this topic, I sometimes think of The Simpsons.... :D I remember that episode where Homer says to Bart (because his banned from seeing him) [paraphrase] "Why would you want to hang around that 4-eyed jerk anyway?"


    :D





    "Friends will be friends - when you're in need of love they give you care and attention...

    friends will be friends -- when your full of life and all hope is lost... hold out your friends (they'll be there **********VERY IMPORTANT THESE LAST LYRICS************* -------->>>>>RIGHT TO THE END!!!"

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    What a great thread! Chuckyy, you touched a chord. So much great advice here. I think we have enough to create a PDF handbook, ?coming to terms with the shunning?.

    The first thought that came to mind, Chuckyy, is that you don?t have to ?get used? to shunning. It is a cruel practice. We are social beings. Infants who are fed and cleaned but deprived of interaction grow up to be severely handicapped, if they grow at all.

    From all these great comments, I see that the important thing is to take the power back. You are no longer bound by their rules, so you are free to respond according to your conscience any way you want. I especially like the cheerful (I don?t believe in shunning) approach, or Gary Busselman?s pointed ?shun you right back? response.

    The second important thing is to make new friends who have never heard of shunning, and can provide you and your wife important social interaction. Take up bowling or ballroom dancing or bird watching. Anything to rejoin yourself with welcoming human beings.

    the Edge

    of COURSE you can't get to grips with being shunned, it's UNNATURAL

    Jez

    am now acting like I am not df'ed. I am starting to write letters regularly to my Mom and brother that shun me or phone them. If they don't come 'around' quickly and reciprocate a little, I will stop,

    As for former friends....they are not my friends anymore.

    I ALWAYS say hi! How are you! I try to engage them...it is fun to be on the power end of it now. I don't let them TREAT me as if I am disfellowshipped. I act like I never heard of the word.

    "We miss you at meetings

    "Come on over for coffee anytime and I will tell you why I am not going back to meetings, that would be great to catch up!"

    Jeanniebeanz

    Personally, I do not care what effect this has on the individual witness. If it wakes them up then great. If it embarrasses the hell out of them, that's fine too. It sure makes me feel better to know that their silliness does not control how I feel anymore!

    Double Edge

    I think calling shunning a "game" takes the power out of the so-called "scriptural" support for this evil practice.

    144001

    You should look into getting involved in your community, as the "worldly" associations and friendships you'll eventually develop will be far superior to the conditional friendship extended to you by the Jehovah's Witnesses. I wish you the best of luck!

    Jesus Christ

    Shunning is a power trip that they play with their rules. You don't play by those rules anymore so take the power back. If they shun you in public be very nice to them but don't make too big of a show of it, just enough so that it gets a few people's attention. You're the normal one and they're the ones in the cult. "By their own actions you will know them" right? Well, they're being jerks and you're being kind. Be a normal - non-cult - person and let it shine.

  • Tigerman
    Tigerman

    I got my first taste of what it was like to be shunned by the JW's some years ago. My wife, who was studying and going to meetings, and I were separated. I was doing everything I could to understand and accept the Witnesses and their ways, for I had everything to lose, my wife and two young beautiful children. I took my family to a JW squaredance; there must have been a couple hundred people there. The JW's in my wife's hall knew me, for I had attended meetings and Bible studys. My wife and I were introduced to several people and things were progressing along fairly smoothly. I even thought this may be a crucial turning point in getting my family back, my wife seemed to actually show me a little attention; today ( a long time ago actually) I know I was grasping at any little bit understanding and love she tossed my way.Well, it didn't long for the word to spread among everyone there that I was not a JW and a possible opposer. The shunning began. I had to endure that atmosphere all night while I took care of my son and daughter; even my wife shyed away from me. I was never so happy to leave a place in my entire life. That was my first taste of their hatred for those who think differently than they do. ( naturally, we divorced )

  • Jez
    Jez

    What a crazy crazy practice. The other night, I could not sleep until 1am because I was mulling over and over again how great it would be to sue the elders that df'ed me. I would love for them to get a million dollar lawsuit slapped onto their lap for defamation of character and slander. That announcement that they made has caused me to lose my mother and my brother and created major divisions in my family and in my community. I see JW children in the schools where I work that look the other way as if I am going to sprout horns and spit demon venom at them if they look at me.

    I feel like slapping all the JW's for looking down their nose at me, as if I am unworthy of common courtesy. I am treated as one would be treated that has been charged with the grossest crimes imaginable.

    I am tired sometimes of 'holding my head up', 'forget em!', 'move on'.....

    I want to do something to inform the world of this practice. People would be shocked to know how far JW's take this practice. this is such an in-house secret practice. Why can't we make it public somehow?

    I am writing my story to some lawyers, the Women's rights activist website, and I am going to go talk to someone. i don't care if I win, I just want the practice of disfellowshipping public and I would love for elders to be freaked out that if they df someone, they might get sued for doing it.

    Jez

  • Daughter of Freedom
    Daughter of Freedom

    Jez, I know EXACTLY how you feel.

    There are times I've wanted to 'storm' a KH and shout at the top of my voice!

    One thought though is that They want the little JWs who can't think for themselves to shun us. I don't mean to be nasty as I was one of those JWs once!

    They want them to shun us, and lead them to believe it's because we are 'bad'.

    The REAL reason is that They know we left for a reason. They do not want their 'sheep' to hear these reasons. THEY ARE AFRAID OF US!!!

    And rightly so.

    Maybe if we all found a way to put our voices together we could be heard?

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