I can't get to grips with being shunned

by chuckyy 54 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Preston
    Preston

    Don't take what they did to you personally chuckyy ....It's an impersonal organization

    Its a religion with a group of people at the top who go to great pains to take away everyone's individuality.. You can't even acknowledge your own date of existence unless it's above a generalized statement. Whatever soul a person has before they become a dub is quickly squashed and put in chains once they're in.

    I'm sorry bout that..

    - Preston

  • bebu
    bebu
    There have been times when this has resulted in me being able to explain what is going on to others such as in line at the grocery store or the movie theatres, even in the park.

    Personally, I do not care what effect this has on the individual witness. If it wakes them up then great. If it embarrasses the hell out of them, that's fine too. It sure makes me feel better to know that their silliness does not control how I feel anymore!

    They witness to the world by their actions, too, and it's great of you to help point out their coldness to everyone, jeannie!

    bebu

  • unique1
    unique1

    In my JW ingrained Mother's words: "Shunning someone when they are disfellowshipped is a way of showing love for them. We show them how much we want them back in our lives and how much Jehovah wants them to do right and come back."

    It is really twisted reasoning, but that is probably how this brother feels. He probably feels that shunning you is loving and the best thing he can do for you right now. I know it is hard to get a handle on but this is how many old-timers feel. Try not to take it personally.

    By the way, you should see the look on someone who is DF or DA when a member in good standing goes out of their way to talk to them, like I do. I sucessfully faded, but most DF'd don't know that so they are completely shocked when I run over an isle in the Wal-Mart to speak to them. I have never been good at shunning people.

  • 144001
    144001

    Teenage misconduct resulted in a surprise visit by a pack of elders to my house. I was never baptized, but these elders had the gall to tell me "you're this close to having your name announced from the platform" (said with thumb and forefinger placed in a position that violated my personal space). I was told they wouldn't "announce" my name (i.e, slander me) if I terminated my associations with my best friend, who was also a non-baptized teenager with JW parents. I hated the Watchtower so much at the time that the threat was absolutely meaningless to me. I told them to "go ahead and announce my name, as I could care less if I ever talk to any Jehovah's Witnesses again, and my friendship with X is more important to me than Jehovah." Neither of us were formally "disassociated," and, I've had rather pleasant encounters (accompanied by unwelcome efforts to "witness" to me) with witnesses I've come across (who knew me back then) since.

    Decades later, that best friend remains my best friend, and neither of us have attended meetings since the time of that elder visit. Unlike the JWs, whose friendship is conditional upon compliance with the edicts of a group of related book publishing corporations, that friendship is a real friendship that is of extremely high value to me, and one I'll take with me to my grave. Looking back, it's laughable to me that the elders thought I would actually care about their threats.

    Chuckky, as painful as it is, you must come to terms with the reality that these individuals were never really your friends; rather, they were conditional or "fair weather" friends. I'd rather have no friends at all than to associate with spineless individuals who allow corporations to dictate who their friends are and how they should act. As another poster put it, these folks are like robots.

    You should look into getting involved in your community, as the "worldly" associations and friendships you'll eventually develop will be far superior to the conditional friendship extended to you by the Jehovah's Witnesses. I wish you the best of luck!

  • IP_SEC
    IP_SEC
    "Shunning someone when they are disfellowshipped is a way of showing love for them. We show them how much we want them back in our lives and how much Jehovah wants them to do right and come back."

    That was exactly how I use to feel, because that?s what the Society tells us is one of the main reasons for DF.
    This is the reason I sadly shunned my little sister for so many years, I hope she'll forgive me. Sad thing is now I hear she wants to come back. Shitty, evil, petty men in Brookly'n and I'm just as bad for going along with it.
    IPSec

  • garybuss
    garybuss

    I shun anyone who shuns me. I have found shunning from Witness people to be the gift that keeps on giving. It's a good way to identify who is nice and who is mean. I stayed in the town I was raised in when I quit the unpaid pulp religious literature distribution business. Many Witnesses didn't treat me that good when I was a Witness. I like the shunning practice, I plan on continuing it.


  • Gill
    Gill

    Gary! You're so right.

    In the end, you just have to pity them and give a little 'shun-shine' back!

  • Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.
    Holey_Cheeses*King_of_the juice.

    Gill,

    Remain positive. It will be more appreciated as time passes - remember, the ones shunning you are still enslaved - you are free from all of their weird little practices.

    You will find ways to handle the shunning situation, which best suits you, as the occasion may arise.

    I have no set strategy for dealing with it. I like to keep the dubs in wonder, plus I like to have a little fun with them. At times, after being on the end of a shun attack, I will will get in their face with a comment such as "Oh, I see that you are still suffering from religiously induced self-righteous hyprocrisy", turn and walk away. At other times I will return the shun, with interest, with a cursory glance. It all depends whether I can be bothered with them at the time.

    At all times, remember - DON'T LET THE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN! Maintain your advantage and never let them feel that their shunning is having any of the effect for which it is intended i.e. to make the recipient "realise the error of their ways and return to the flock" aka entrapment.

    cheeses

  • rwagoner
    rwagoner

    I have to agree with Double Edge....

    I make it a point to go out of my way to acknowledge them and then make them look small and petty to anyone who might be in the area. I show them that I am happy, successful, well adjusted and have moved on from their cult...and I make sure anyone watching knows that they are jdubs and just how cruel and silly their shunning game is.

    I also regularly contact my family who are still in....I call, email and even stop by their house with my kids. It is their decision to obey the org and shun me...I dont follow the org's rules so I will contact them as much as I want and if it makes them uncomfortable....GOOD ! LOL

    I couldn't wait to call my family and mention the changes to the awake publishing...and the pending announcement on March 20th about replacing the book....they are always dumbfounded that I know more about the org than they do... LOL

    RGW

  • mkr32208
    mkr32208

    what a bunch of pricks... I don't put up with that crap some great ideas on how to put the shoe on the other foot though!

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