I can't get to grips with being shunned

by chuckyy 54 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jgnat

  JW's practice their preaching work. They receive no training on listening. As much as we wish to shout in their ears to make them listen to us, that would not be effective.

  On the other hand, exiting JW's are crying for answers. That is why I suggested a little handbook to help exiting JW's deal with the rejection. Think about it, a neat little package of self-help booklets to make the transition easier. At least such literature has some hope of being read, and making a difference. That such materials exist by itself makes the Watchtower Society look bad. Imagine explaining to a psychiatrist or a social worker that there are specific traumas that exiting JW's need help with. How is that going to affect the world's opinion of this very large, very well established, very mainstream cult?
• 

  ozziepost

  inquirer:

  You went to WalMart in Australia? Huh?
• 

  moshe

  I always loved running into JW's in stores- I talked to them and since they are shunning me , they can't talk back! Great!! I just yakked away and if I was in the check out with them I would say something like " I am talking to sister-brother so-an-so from the xxxKH- he/she won't talk to me because I decided to stop being a JW- if he was my relative he still can't talk to me and if anyone gets involved with them they can lose their family like I did when you change your mind about their religion, etc, etc.

  Very embarrassing to the JW ego-And they have to face the fact that the general population thinks little of their actions. Some learned their lesson and if they returned my cordial hello, I left them alone. If they shunned me, I made it unpleasant for them. I had one sister practically crawl into a frozen food case in the grocery store- I watched her bury her head in the frozen french fries for a very long time, until she finally came up for air. She listened to me for all of 30 seconds , then abandoned her grocery cart and left the store. Now , who do you think had the most power in this situation? think about it? Don't roll over and wimp out friends.

  Shalom,

  Moshe
• 

  pharisee

  Chuckyy,

  How you deal with your fealings of anger, is to treat these people like you would a mentally disabled person. They have a disablilty, don't take it personal. Would you get upset at someone who had schizophrenia, and treated you abnormally? No, you would understand that they need help, medication, etc, and some could never be cured.

  I would recommend that you read some books about leaving mind control groups, such as Combating Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan. It may help you to understand the mental disablilites that these people have, and help you cope with their actions. I used to also get very upset with being shunned, but now I just feel sorry for these mentally challanged individuals.

  Pharisee
• 

  AloneinOh

  Sorry to hear this Chuckyy and Chuckette,

  I had been shunned by my family for the last 20 yrs. Only days ago did that wall come down. I respected their wishes and only checked in every 4 or 5 years. It was a tough thing to do, but since they lived out of state I didn't have to be exposed to shunning in some sort of public setting. I'm not sure what would have happened had we met in a store or something.

  I also moved out of my home town and in 20 yrs I have never bumped into anyone from the old kh. Probably a good thing I didn't. I think the fact that I respected my parents wishes played a part in their decision to welcome me back into the family with no strings attached. I feel that if I had pushed them or confronted them, I would be limited to those 4-5 yr phone calls forever.

  Shunning by so-called friends didn't bother me, but the hurt from losing my parents only got worse as the years went on. I love my parents so the hope was always there and I would have waited forever on them. As for the conditional friends....it would take a helluva lot of butt kissing and apologizing on their part before I would take them back.

  I can't offer much advice, but try not to let it get you down to the point that it occupies your thoughts for any length of time. This is exactly what they want, and it's not good at all for your own self esteem. Don't give them any clue that it bothers you. If you run into someone in a store, don't go out of your way to avoid them. Say hi, and if they don't respond, say something like " Oh, I'm sorry, I mis-took you for a friend of mine", then just walk away.

  Keep your chin up and try to look at it as if they did you a favor. They have opened your eyes and shown you the meaning of true friendship and love.....and they don't have it.