by chuckyy 54 Replies latest jw experiences
How about, Christ didn't even shun Judas Iscariot!
agree - and why should you? It isn't 'NORMAL' to be shunned - In fact, if you think about it, it's a disgusting practice endorsed by a few stupid men - of COURSE you can't get to grips with being shunned, it's UNNATURAL IN THE CIVILISED WORLD.
((((chuckyy))))
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time dealing with it. When I DFed myself 5 1/2 years ago (was a JW 30 years), I joined a mailing list (online) a support group for exJWs and it helped me over the rough spots so much.
I used to joke about the fact that my only friends now were behind a keyboard and screen! I also wondered why this didn't bother me! It sounds like a pitiful thing to realize, but ya know what? I STILL feel that way!
I'm extremely grateful that I chose to leave the WTS at a time when these boards and wonderful sources of help and understanding were available. I can't imagine going through that by myself.
I live in a small town too, in fact it's a village! In the country! Not a lot of places to go to meet people, and the few places like the grocery store or the post office---I always seemed to meet up with a JW who acted like I was something that they had stepped in, left on their shoe.
It does become easier, but it takes time. You have found a wonderful place here to share feelings and to make friends from all over the world! It really DOES fill that void----24/7.
hugs,
Annie
I am now acting like I am not df'ed. I am starting to write letters regularly to my Mom and brother that shun me or phone them. If they don't come 'around' quickly and reciprocate a little, I will stop, because I refuse to let ppl treat me like shit, family or not...it is just that I am going to try to be the one to open the door a little bit...see what happens.
As for former friends....they are not my friends anymore. THEY made that very evident. BUT when I do see JW's that I know, I ALWAYS say hi! How are you! I try to engage them...it is fun to be on the power end of it now. I don't let them TREAT me as if I am disfellowshipped. I act like I never heard of the word...one lady I saw yesterday said hi back, and whispered, "We miss you at meetings." I cheerfully said back, "Come on over for coffee anytime and I will tell you why I am not going back to meetings, that would be great to catch up!" She smiled and went into the shop.
Undisfellowshipping herself by taking back the reins JEZ
chuckky,
Normally, I will go out of my way to be very obvious and say hello to them. If they don't speak to me, I'll just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way. It's not a very Christian faith is it?" Then I just stand there and wait for their response. It took some time for me to be able to do this, but I refuse to play into their rules by being the least bit embarrassed or humiliated by these tactics. You can say, well they are only following orders. Yeah, well that does not excuse soldiers, who commit atrocities in wartime, and it does not excuse the individual r&f jw's either.
There have been times when this has resulted in me being able to explain what is going on to others such as in line at the grocery store or the movie theatres, even in the park.
Personally, I do not care what effect this has on the individual witness. If it wakes them up then great. If it embarrasses the hell out of them, that's fine too. It sure makes me feel better to know that their silliness does not control how I feel anymore!
Jean
I'm not a JW but I feel the "shunning" from my ex's side. The only reason they talk to me is because of my son, but when he's not around I am the epitamy of evil I guess. The other day my ex's mother was outside checking her mail, so I slowed down to wave, she looked away...so I stopped....she looked at me again, I waved, she looked away again. My son saw the whole thing. I told him she wasn't being "very friendly today". Pathetic really. It's ok to talk to me when he's around but when they feel he isn't well, what's the point? It's good to know I'm better than that. I won't let them dictate how I am to be around them!
SK
Jehovah is obviously telling me to stay the hell away from these inbred morons (apologies to all inbreds who aren't morons).
LOL.
Sorry, I was never a JW, but I think if I were ever in a shunning situation, I would have some well rehearsed statements like:
Loudly... "Hi there! Nice to see you (silence) ... Oh, are you still in that CULT that shuns old friends who have moved on?"
(silence)
to any bystanders... "They're JEHOVAHS WITNESSES and they play shunning games, ...remember this next time they knock on your door speading their UN-Christian like message."
I think calling shunning a "game" takes the power out of the so-called "scriptural" support for this evil practice.
Hi Chukky!
Sorry that shunning is causing you so much misery.
But they do it because they fear the consequences of not doing it. Who might see and report them....etc.
I spoke to a disfellowshiped ex sister whilst I was still a JW and was told off by the elder's wife I was with. Luckily she took it no furthur. But shunning was something I couldn't do to others.
Remember, this is a high control group. They're as much victims of the bOrg as you were. I find it helps just to feel sorry for them when they are having to fight their normal instincts of saying 'hello' when they see an old 'friend'.
It will get easier to ignore them in time, I used to like to give them nasty looks whenever I got the chance. Generally they don't give dirty looks back, and it made me feel better to do it. I also lived in a small town, but eventually when they would see me at the store or somewhere, they didn't even stare anymore. I guess they were used to seeing me. One particular time I ran into a JW at Target, and my daughter who was 8 years old at the time, was with me, they were standing in line right in front of me, and I didn't notice until it was too late. So, they proceeded to carry on a conversation with my daughter, as if I wasn't even alive, I just flipped thru some magazines and didn't look at them. I didn't want to see their ugly faces.
Sorry to hear this is happening to you.
Shunning is nothing more than emotional blackmail. It'll get better with time. Hang in there.
DY
I had an aunt-in-law yell at me when I called my grandmother's house one time... She had previously been DF'd for immorality and had been reinstated less than a year, she turned into such a judgemental b**tch ... anyways, she told me I wasn't to call there anymore. I yelled at her that I HOPED JEHOVAH GOD TREATS HER WITH AS MUCH KINDNESS AS SHE DISHED OUT and then hung up on her.
I really think if there is an accounting that they will be in BIG trouble.
