OK? I think it is appropriate that we chime in at this point.
Both Codeblue and I, NOdenial, share the same grief over the poor behavior displayed by RHCP. There is no excuse that can be said to make such behavior ?acceptable? at a private social gathering ? and I don?t really think anyone here is trying to write this off as such. Everyone at the get-together was attacked, and in the case of Princess ? who as the gracious hostess of this event that she IS?, did her best to calm this outburst, ended up becoming the main target of the unbridled rage that RHCP did not seem to be able to keep under control. Princess, Codeblue and I sincerely sympathize with your emotions on this matter.
That being said, please allow us to tell you what happened as we drove RHCP during the 45 minute drive to? and from? the event. (RHCP? forgive us if this is a breach of trust between us, but it needs to be said).
On the drive to the event, RHCP expressed several times how nervous she was to attend. Of course, many encouraged her to come ? so she mustered the courage and agreed to meet us half way to the event. She has never crossed the Canadian border by herself her whole life, and was uncomfortable with travel within the the US. Nonetheless, she made her way to our meeting point. Once in our car, she nervously inquired about the people that she would meet, their backgrounds, etc. From my observations, I could see that the mere fact that she was going to this event was a 'statement' to the world that she was separating herself from the organization. (I remember my emotional state the day I made this choice. I was highly emotional as well. I certainly was not of stable character during a long period of time afterwards. For me, it took several months to get a 'grip' on WHO I was.)
While at the event? (again, forgive me RHCP), classic signs of paranoia were verbally being expressed. Wonderment over the character of many of the guests were expressed. RHCP said on more than one occasion that certain ones in the group were ?talking about her?; singling her out as ?the enemy?. Of course, I doubt this to be true in the least! Comments from her reflected her strong feelings of being a misfit. As a person fading from the organization, I don?t feel it is uncommon for one to have such paranoid feelings. This intense feeling of being watched. This is especially true of JW?s who are trained to be careful, for your brother will ?turn you in? if you are not loyal to the organization. The tension must have been very severe for her during the few hours she was there.
Of course? then there was the melt down. Enough has been said about that.
On the 45 minute drive back to her car, so she could drive back across the border to her home, allow me to tell you some of her comments:
At first, her comments remained angry ? that this ?blowout? was the fault of the everyone in attendance. Codeblue?s and I never argued with a single one of her ?feelings? ? but rather let her conclusions rest with her. To argue would fuel the fire. In less than 10 minutes, RHCP?s intense emotions spanned every possibility you could imagine. Tears, anger, shouting, mumbling, laughing and devastated sobbing. Finally, rage turned to huge remorse and shame. It was at this point that RHCP began reflecting and said, ?I have no idea who ?I? was in there. This is not like me at all. I am SO ashamed.? More tears. Intense regret.
For the next 15 minutes of the drive, RHCP began to share her experiences of her life that led up to this moment. It would be totally inappropriate to give details, we will leave that up to her. Suffice to say that there is a long history of abuse ? and a strong desire to do what is ?right?. CB and I could relate to her feelings of what appeared to be guilt.
RHCP? Good for you for apologizing to the group. All in attendance deserved at least that. For some, it is very appropriate that you apologize on a personal, private, one ? on one manner.
CB and I wish you a quick recovery from your pain ? but speaking from experience, be ready for a lot more emotion to surface! It is very important that you allow yourself to feel these emotions; painful as they are. I will also say that I don?t think you should do this alone. CB and I support the many other individuals on this board that have encouraged you to seek professional help. There are even some that specialize in the aid of JW?s in their recovery. (Lady Lee on this board). It isn?t easy to de program from all the falsehoods that we were taught.
Princess, I am certain that every single person in that group felt for you, and sympathized with your embarrassment, and the manner in which you were singled out in an unwarranted attack. Every single one. And although not everyone in attendance had gone through what RHCP was experiencing ? I doubt a single person questioned the intensity with which she was feeling those emotions. What WE witnessed? was the beginning of what could be her recovery. The beginning of a healthier and more fulfilling life. (Of course, RHCP, it?s up to you to get to work on this goal and get the professional help you need.) On another level, all in attendance were witness to a remarkable humanitarian display of love, forgiveness, and empathy. They were referred to as ?hero?s? for the love they showed after being attacked. CB and I were proud to be part of that group.
In a strange twist of viewpoint? today, CB and I celebrated our partial recovery and realized how far we have come. We are grateful for sharing that moment with you ? Red Hot Chili Pepper.
Regards,
NOdenial and CodeBlue
(edited to make print smaller...........no need for such large fonts)
