by jst2laws 49 Replies latest jw experiences
Unbelievable. As long as it does not stifle you
Not yet. We think that when my mother dies (she is 92 and in very good health) they will come after us. For now, they are happy to let me take care of her. It really wouldn't change a thing, but they don't know that. My mother is a very liberal JW, and would never shun us. My brother has been df'd since 1978 and she very openly associates with him, and no one says a thing about it either. Scaredy cats.
Some of my family are so judgmental they shunned us when we we good, active JWs.
I'm always as friendly as I can be to the witnesses I run into. Irrev does most of the shopping so he runs into most of them. They greet us but there is a wariness.
Amazingly, the one that is the most standoffiish is the sister with no children "in the truth" and just married a non-JW man just out of prison and hasn't been D2D for several years. But she does attend a few meetings a month. I guess that makes her more "holy" than me.
"Kill them with kindness."
Don't let them dictate what kind of person you are.
Blondie
I am enjoying this thread as well.
Here are some more stories for ya all:
I saw an old friend walking out of the beach area to the parking lot this summer. My kid had locked the keys in it so I was waiting for a tow truck. They were taking a long time so I asked her if I could use her cell phone. She said sure. I used it and then she said, "We sure miss you." I told her that I miss people as well, but not the religion. She said, "Well, we miss you." I said, "but religion has to be more than just a social club, doesn't it."
I saw an ancient friend, same age as me, old family friends, we used to play together as children. Our familes go WAY back in Walmart the other day. She said, "HAY! I thought that was your voice!" I said HI! How are you! We hugged and she said, "I heard that your Dad is not in the truth anymore" I said, "True, true...but he is soooo happy with his new wife, he is doing great whereas my mother married the PO of her congregation and hates him. She is so miserable and depressed always." R...looked at me shocked...did not say anything. I then said, OH here is my husband and my oldest daughter. She shook his hand. By now I think she is curious about things because she knew my other husband. I tell her to say hi to her family for me and stay happy. Boy did that feel good to tell her how happy we all were.
I emailed my ex sister in law a few weeks ago. I told her that I love her and always will. We were friends more than we were family. I told her that I lied...I said that I would never regret anything...I was wrong, I regret not having her as my friend anymore. No response back, but I didn't do it for that reason.
Given the post here about brothers...I am going to write to mine. I miss him so much and have not spoken or seen pictures of his 2 children. It has been 3 years. I do want him to know how happy I am. I wanted to BLAST him in letters but forget it....I AM going to take the kindness route and reach out first. I don't care if he replies, I will do this for my own spirit.
Jez
I don't really know the feeling of being shuned by JW's especially, in fact I've always been shuned for some/differents reason, and since I was a kid for being fat and ugly, on the playground, in the classroom, for being the one who don't want to listen and say amen to anything, for being a JW, in my jobs, in boyfriends famillies for ... Any reason I don't even want to know about "he whys" cause it is to subjective and can lead to different complexes : superiority or inferiority ... it doesn't lead anywhere good) ... So of course I know the feeling, but since I don't know when it is just a tool for me in any situation (I know where they stand, as I'm lazy and really not inclined to bend over I just don't bother myself with any kind of shunner ... it's a waste of time and energy)
As a JW kid I didn't care that much who was DF'd or not.
I don't remember especially my mother even baptised (but only my sisters) shunning any JW or ex JW. And haven't been that much with my mother to know how she has been affected by 2 DF (divorce / re-mariage) and 2 Reinstatements.
As I've never been baptised nobody no JW have reason to shun me for being DF'd ... but it happen that I shunned them just in not answering to the door ... Cause they were and are tiring ...
Also I have no friend from my past JW life ... just accointances ... and nice people that I do remember ... when it happened that I met one and that we recognised each other we said hello, sometimes shared familly news. A lot of them by the way (most kids at the time) have left the WTBS fading or out for good just like me. Didn't met any from my early JW time lately ... It brings back memories and faces in my head ... and remind me that the time passes ...
Outnfree, You handled it excellently.
"Brenda, you need to move along now."
He had no right to tell you what you needed to be doing. I'm glad you stood your ground. Your motive was proper and you were fair to let them know of your intent and why. You were taking the initiative to impede potential harm to your fellow students. Dealing with a bull headed elder is much different from bumping by chance into a timid JW in public. Thanks for sharing that experience. Megadude, Corvin and FranklinD, Thanks for sharing Jst2laws
Jez,
Given the post here about brothers...I am going to write to mine. I miss him so much and have not spoken or seen pictures of his 2 children. It has been 3 years. I do want him to know how happy I am. I wanted to BLAST him in letters but forget it....I AM going to take the kindness route and reach out first. I don't care if he replies, I will do this for my own spirit.
Jez
Good for you. I hope you mean what you say about him not replying. We have to remember we are the free ones. They are still enslaved to group thinking and 'do or die' faith.
As Blondie and Princess said:
Kill them with kindness Blondie
It's good to be happy. Princess
This is what we need to convey to the JW's. Again, they are afraid. They have been convinced we are out here "gnashing our teeth" and eating our own "vomit".
If we display confidence, conviction and general happiness they have got to start wondering why we are not like the Watchtower portrays us.
Jst2laws
I did my share of ducking and game-playing in the stores when I glimpsed a JW or two, but no more. It takes time.
I did have a couple of exeriences though, one was with a sister who came up to the deli counter just after me, and I glanced over to her and began to look back toward the counter, and she flashed a timid smile at me and said hello!
Another was when I had met up with (face-to-face) with a sister-a very big and loud and opiniated lady who I was ALWAYS intimidated by, and the third time as I saw her again on this one morning, I burst out laughing and said "we've GOT to stop meeting like this"! She smiled and just kept going.
As far as my family is concerned, JW or not---I've gotten to the point of MY choosing who to be friendly with or not. People who are nice to me, I treat them the same. Those who are always snotty or even don't talk to me at all---I've figured they have made their position clear and I am tired of trying to meet THEIR expectations. Anyone "toxic" doesn't need to be in my life, and it lessens a LOT of problems and arguements that way!
I don't have a lot of people calling me, but the ones that DO---I know that when the phone rings its a friendly call!
"Brenda, you need to move along now."
I would love to have an elder try to boss me around that way. The audacity! You did excellently in standing your ground. The funny thing is how you were taking pains to try to make your intent clear to them, a gesture of pure respect, and they responded with pure bull-headedness. Good work.
Some of my family are so judgmental they shunned us when we we good, active JWs.
Blondie, my sister did the same to me. The last I ever talked to her was in August 2003, when I was still in excellent standing. Based only on the rumor that I was re-assessing things, she decided never to talk to me again. I have tried to call and write, with no response whatsoever. I have no direct evidence that she is still alive. She decided to cut herself off from me without any direct information about what I was thinking. It blows my mind, because up until that point, I was a really good big brother - I listened to her problems, encouraged her, sent her money, etc. And then one day I'm off the radar, without so much as a goodbye. Amazing.
SNG
You started a really good thread Steve! It really helps to know and read how others are dealing with friends and family.
I recently rekindled a friendship with a fellow how has been dfed for many years. He still thinks its the truth and frequently makes comments to the affirmative. I am careful what I say but we have talked about a number of things to which he agrees with me. He hasnt been to a meeting in years. For now I will leave it as it sits. I doubt he will ever search things out for himself as he just isnt that type of fellow. I wish I could help him in some way because I know he tortures himself over his being dfed and would like to back in but cant bring himself to do the necessary ass-kissing.
Thanks for the thread Steve and to all who have commented.
Toreador
Thanks to all of you who have posted on this thread. I appreciate the positive thoughts.
((((((Megadude and all of you that have brothers and sisters that you share dna with))))) your words reminded me to contact my brothers two of them left.
outnfree great way to be strong Hugs to you to.
thanks Steve for such a great way to help at such a negative time for a lot of us.
Dorothy . is good
