geez, what a post! sounds like you need some serious; back slapping fun ---not to mention a really serious ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT. Go easy on yourself ( dam, you sound like a REAL hard ass)
We should be taking you out for a nite of drinking ( heavy, dude, heavy drinking) and some very christian , theocratic encouragement ( like getting you layed very quickly; that would put a smile on your face for a while).
regards ( and give me call for cocktails when you are in NYC)
Frank ( of the "been there" class)
ps. ....when I look in the mirror; I see someone who says " lets relax, have another drink; some fun; and not take life too seriously..."