help please

by koolkeithfl 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • koolkeithfl

    I cheated on my wife and I told her what happend and she forgave me......but she told my sister #1(baptized but doesn't go to meetings) what happend. Then sister #1 proceeded to tell sister #2 (die hard witness). Now sis #2 is giving me till wed to turn myself in or she is going to do it. I'm just thinking about giving up on this religion. someone help please. oh yeah ive been dfed one time before for pre-marital w the wife. I just can't take it anymore. I told myself if i ever get dfed again thats it im out.

    thanks for letting me vent.

  • Joyzabel

    why are you in?

  • under74

    Koolkeith- look you need to come clean....with whatever you did wrong AND where you stand with JWs. You know it's too much stress to keep putting up with that kind of BS. If you can't take it anymore THAN don't take it anymore.

  • Scully

    When Wednesday comes, call sister #2 and tell her that you've seen the elders, and they'll be calling her to speak to her about minding her own damn business.

    Ask her if she is an eyewitness or if she's just repeating meddlesome gossip.

    Seriously though, for what it's worth, maybe you and your wife might want to see the elders together. It's obvious to me - since you have confessed to your wife and she has chosen to forgive you - that you are sincerely repentant of having cheated. Maybe this time you can merely be publicly reproved and not DFd. However, if your wife sees that you have been repentant and she has forgiven you, and the elders decide to DF you anyway, she may see the injustice of that and decide to leave the organization with you.

    I would also suggest - if you and your wife want to get past this and stay together in your marriage - that you seek counselling... and not the kind of "counselling" that the elders would provide. Go to a licenced marital counsellor and both of you talk about what happened, without the pressures of going in service more or making sure you go to all the meetings being shoved down your throats.

    Love, Scully

  • koolkeithfl

    to be totally honest this past sunday i was at the meeting thinking that i needed to get back. and then on monday i got the call. it just reminded me of how messed up this religion really is.

    thanks for all your help

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    I hope things work out between you and your wife. Whatever happened was between her and you and none of your sisters' business. If it were me, I'd tell both sisters just that.

    However, if you want to leave the Witnesses do so because you feel the organization is wrong. Make your decision a positive one, and search for your God somewhere else. But don't leave just because you may or may not get disfellowshipped. You sound conflicted, and I understand that feeling. Most of us were when we left. In the long run, you'll feel better about yourself if you stand up for what you believe in and let the chips fall where they may. Be prepared for the consequences but it can be the type of choice that can bring you and your wife closer together.

    Good luck.

  • StinkyPantz

    -If you decide to leave the religion, it must be for the right reason(s), so there are no regrets.

    -As for meeting with the elders, I'd refuse. They have only gossip to rely on.

  • Mecurious?

    Now sis #2 is giving me till wed to turn myself in or she is going to do it

    Scully said:

    When Wednesday comes, call sister #2 and tell her that you've seen the elders, and they'll be calling her to speak to her about minding her own damn business.

    Thats a good Idea. .

    Here's another idea. You could call the sister and tell her that you already talked to the elders and that its been taken care of. When you talk to the elders tell them something different. Say something like it was just a kiss or something. But, make sure that you clue your wife in on it in case they call her in to testify. But if it was me tho' to tell you the truth about it, I wouldn't tell the elders a goddam thing. I would tell her to do whatever she wanted to (that is after she cleaned out her own closet first) and after that to just f**k off eat s**t and die!

    Talk about the unmitigated gall of these people. I hate spirtual police.


  • AlmostAtheist

    In driver's training they teach you to separate hazards. If you've got a kid on a bike in front of you and there's a car coming in the opposite lane, slow down. Let the other car pass, then go around the bike. Don't try to negotiate both hazards at once.

    I'm with Scully on this one. If you both go to the elders, "confess", play by the rules, you will probably only be reproved. Get this immediate "hazard" out of the way. Then you need to seriously decide if you want to continue to be a JW or not. You've been a member of this forum for almost a year, clearly you have some doubts. Despite what we were all taught, doubts aren't bad. They lead to study and research, and better understanding. You can't resolve a doubt by pushing it aside and calling it "bad thinking".

    But it doesn't sound like this is the right time for that sort of emotional/logical upset. Get the disciplinary thing straightened out first. Then begin your own personal systematic investigation of your beliefs.

    The encouragement everyone seems to be pushing here is do whatever you do because you chose to do it, not because circumstances just sort of washed you in that direction. That seems like the best course.

    Hope it helps. I've been right smack dab where you are. If you need to talk further, feel free to PM me.


  • mrbarthoss

    I guess I am confused on this one!! Why even one second's hesitation?!

    As a man, I would recommend an installment apology plan with your wife that may take you until retirement, and a heathy, hearty "see-ya" to the J-Dubs!!!!

    Sometimes life isn't so complicated..............

    Good luck!

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