Your wife didn't make a big deal of it, so I figure those elders better just butt out and mind their own @#*% business.
why are you in then...just go
i know that i would have been hurt too. I did it because i saw no other way to end my marriage. you guys are gonna make me feel bad about this one too i can feel it. i told my wife because i thought she would leave. I was married at 20 years old and this was the only women i had ever dated. I was told by my mother in law that no "brother" would want my wife after she had had sex with me. everyone was saying get married and i crumbled under the pressure. i was also afraid that no one would want me either. now i want out of my marriage and the jw religion. this is no excuse for what i did. it was the only solution i saw. cheat and get a divorce. and i don't need people judging me for wanting to end my marriage.
OH MAN ! that's HONEST !!! BRAVO ... (just stay as nice as possible with your wife) as you want it and as it is your personnal right, get divorced and live your life ... (and take care of the kids anyway if you have kids of course, if possible) ...
Just be true to yourself. Honor yourself. Leave both your wife and the religion, if those are your choices.
Two more victims of a cult behavior. Really this is the warped reasoning that comes from living is a controlled enviroment.
Look 5 years down the road and think about what would be most healthy for you and what you can live with with the least regrets. Then make your decisions accordingly now.
Serves you right for cheating on your wife. I mean it!
And another thing..., I wouldn't have forgiven you.
Well, I think you should say the same thing to the elders as I'd say to DY:
"Stop being a self-righteous judgemental prick, it's between me and my wife and is none of your business."
Well said simon! Btw. The elders probably already know by now. I'm sure mrs busybody has already told other people about this including the sister who wants you to 'repent'. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of telling me how to run my 'afffairs' no pun intended. You said that you don't wont to be married, maybe you will feel different later on about this. But, if you talk to the elders and tell them you don't want to be married anymore they will certainly disfellowship you. Even if you decide to stay with your wife they will probably disfellowship you. Esp. if they think alot of people already know. They aren't intrested in really helping people. They just want to make sure that no one else know about this, that way they can keep things hush hush downlow and lowkey. And brag about how clean Jehovahs organization is. Going to the elders is imo a complete waste of time. M' P.S By the time the elders hear about things a million people already know about it.
it just reminded me of how messed up this religion really is.
And you're messed up, for letting the religion have any hold over you, and for cheating on your wife. I see a correlation between these two. Cheating on your wife brings release from the religion, or release from the religion allows you to cheat on your wife. You need joint counselling on both counts.
Simon - I couldn't have said it better!!!
So sorry your first posts are getting such harsh responses. I also mentioned adultery on another thread and got ripped to shreads - when the person doing the ripping had no idea what the details were. It just shows they are still JW at heart (judgemental and black and white thinkers). Being a JW we didn't really learn to think logically or independently and that often leads to poor decisions. Now you are trying to sort things out and I respect you opening yourself up to some feedback.
I wish you the best and hope you stick around here for a while. There really are some very nice, understanding, kind and supportive people here.
thank you all for your input. I had to have someone to talk to about my problem besides my therapist who doesn't understand jw's.