help please

by koolkeithfl 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • Markfromcali

    Even though the point has been made, I don't think it can be overemphasized that you need to distinguish between your relationship with your wife and your relationship with the religion. Granted you've been in it together and had the pressure to get married and such, but you are still your own person and so is she. Even if there has been a lot of influence from the WTS/JWs, the only way you are going to be free from that influence is if you start making that distinction now. Even among active, believing JWs you can see it if you look, otherwise your world is going to have JW written all over it. And this is the only way to make a decision that is YOURS, and not being pressured by any outside influence. So again, your relationship is nobody else's business except you two, and don't even believe in the influence from events in the past. Deal with things as they are now.

  • LeslieV

    Your's and my lives are kinda similar. Your story should be told to all those 18, 19 20 yr old JW's who get married because of sex etc. I also was very young when I married my older JW husband. He is still an elder in the congregatin although he was only sober for a few days in all the years I was married to him.

    I do not agree that you should stay in a marriage because you feel obligated, or that their are children. I stayed way to long. Only left after I realized I did not want my girls to grow up in this cult. I also commited adultry just to get out of the marriage. I at the time knew no other way. Now if I was not happy with my husband I would simply talk about and seek help before it is to late. Unfortunately with the JW religion that is no always an option. Be true to yourself and your wife.

    When your mother-in-law said you needed to marry just because no one would want her is simply just a ploy. Your wife deserves to be happy just like you do. If you are not that person for her then you need to release her so that she can find that person. It does sound like to me that she loves you or she would not have forgiven you to begin with. Act as mature as you can in this situation. If you do decide that you need to get out encourage your wife to get help OUTSIDE this religion. She will need it in order to keep going under this stress.

    Good luck to you both.


  • itsallgoodnow

    koolkeif - I saw this thread last week and I couldn't reply at the time, but I just wanted to say I hope everything works out for you. You've spent your whole life trapped in this thing and it looks like you might have found your way out. I know you probably never wanted to hurt anyone, that you are a good person, or you wouldn't have married her in the first place.

    And as for the harsh responses you got... I was pretty shocked that anyone could say that stuff. I can only guess it must have hit a nerve with someone who is scared shitless something like this will happen to her.

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