>> you seem more worried about the JW then what you did
How about we hold off on the "how could you?!?"'s until he at least clears a few hurdles?
There's no doubt he feels like crap. But that's one of the many screwed up things about this religion. Right when he and his wife need to rebuild their relationship, they are also going to have to endure either the guilt of not going to the elders, or the two-three week judicial process. The wife will be torn between being so angry at him and feeling so sorry for him as he pours his heart out trying not to get DF'd. No doubt he's thinking about the possible shame and sorrow SHE will face if HE gets DF'd.
That shouldn't be on the table at all. They should be privately dealing with this family tragedy, with appropriate counseling as THEY see fit. Instead they have to also bear the judicial burden.
No one is judging you for wanting to end your marriage it is the way you are going about doing it. I am not trying to make you feel worse i am just putting myself in your wife place . Does your wife want out of the marriage? What if you didn't want out of this marriage and she cheated on you ? I am not trying to make you feel worse just trying to understand which is hard only typing on a computer.
of course i feel bad about it. i should have just told her that i didn't want to be married anymore. looking back i should have done it that way....but i am a human being and we don't always make the right decisions.
so you should stay in a marriage just because it makes someone else happy but you miserable?
Does she know this marriage is over?
now i want out of my marriage and the jw religion.
i don't need people judging me for wanting to end my marriage.
I see two concrete facts, no, three.
1. You want out of the marriage.
2. You want out of the religion.
3. You want no judgement from the religion.
It seems that your mariage, for you at least, was wrong right from the start, and all along until now. I have no idea of your wife's side in this. But still, i think that you have to do what is right for you. Hopefully there are no kids invovled, as thay complicate things in a situation like this. Let's say that there are none. Then, you can just walk away from everyhing and start a new life somewhere else. Leave your wife (after an explanation), your religion, your stuff (most likely).
If there are kids, then they still need both parents.
That's my 2 cents worth.
Okay, I'm trying to figure out where the problem is. You want to end your marriage. You want to get out of the religion. You're afraid of the Elders finding out. Why?
You have a few options:
1) Fix up your marriage and be repentant toward the elders
2) Don't be repentant toward the elders and they'll encourage your wife to leave you
3) Take control of what you want, end your marriage, and leave the religion
What the @#$%& do the elders have to do with your personal life? Deal with restoring your relationship with her and get a grip!
carmel of the "screw their rules" class
Serves you right for cheating on your wife. I mean it!
And another thing..., I wouldn't have forgiven you.
Well, I think you should say the same thing to the elders as I'd say to DY:
"Stop being a self-righteous judgemental prick, it's between me and my wife and is none of your business."
Unfortunately, we all aren't perfect...and your wife must still love you, if she has forgiven you for the infidelity.
my 2 cents: dont let the elders dictate whether you are repentant or not, for they are all men!
BTW: what happened to "Judge not, lest you be judged?". I understand where some are coming from, as this thread might trigger some bad memories to others: but this guy needs SUPPORT, and is really in need of some verifyable options available to him.
You have a pretty wonderful wife to forgive you, and recognize that it is her choice to stay with you. After all this crap in your life dies down, she may feel different.
It is your choice what to do with your life, but if you want to keep your wife- NEVER CHEAT ON HER AGAIN.