I vividly remember an odd incident.
I was meeting a fellow about something to do with work and he suggested we stop at a local nightspot to chat. I haven't ever enjoyed going to bars or such personally, but, I agreed to meet him there.
I sat at a table and ordered Dr.Pepper. In walks a lady who was a JW. She had been my ex-wife's best friend and had even lived with us in California. My ex was now deceased and this encounter was years later in Texas.
She recognized me and came over and sat down. I took this as most odd. I was a disfellowshipped ex-JW. She knew this. I knew she knew I knew. That sort of thing. But, sit down she did.
It was just an awkward five minutes of idle chat. But, inside that five minutes she had assumed instantly several things about me that came out in her comments.
1.She assumed I smoked because an ashtray was on the table. I have never smoked.
2.She assumed I was throwing back the booze because I had a Dr.Pepper in front of me.
3.She assumed I was there to pick up women for fornication.
4.She assumed I was a regular customer who went to bars all the time.
I parried each of her wrong-headed guesses and calmly explained what I was really there for NOT THAT IT WAS ANY OF HER DAMNED BUSINESS! (I didn't say that, naturally, I'm a gentle soul.)
Her name was Paula. I explained to Paula that I was no different than the Terry she had known for years, I had not thrown in my lot with the Devil now and was not a serial killer or satanist.
She said the most extraordinary thing to me. "Man I'd sure take advantage of it if I was not in the Truth!".
Shortly my business fella arrived and she gave him a look. She left my table. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as the evening progressed. It suddenly struck me: why was she there?
I don't know. But, she sure had a dirty mind!
On another occasion I spoke to my best friend, Johnny, who is a JW in good standing even though we have secret meeting for lunch and chat. Johnny told me he is afraid of what he'd do if he didn't have religious rules to hold him back. That struck me as wierd. I've never thought that way. If I understood him correctly, he seems to be saying, "I really want to do bad things but I'm scared of the consequences." To me that is puzzling.
I'm all for people not hurting others or themselves. I'm all for decency and decorum. But, there is something strangely perverse about longing for wickness even though it is not practiced for whatever reason.
Maybe I'm the strange one. I don't know. But, I want to know myself. I want to understand what lies beneath my secret desires. Why do I crave what I do? Where do these feelings come from that I have to guard against with such fury? Know thyself and all that rot.
I think leading an Immoral life is simply a cry for help or a desperate gasp from a drowning person. How so?
The nature of living a life above the survival level is awareness and skill. If you are aware of how the world works and you develop the skill to meet your needs without trampling on the rights of others you have a shot at a good life. Further, developing the skill to take care of yourself, to learn beneficial things, to earn a living and associate with a circle of friends is a basic need.
Why would a person short-circuit life by breaking good rules, violating beneficial boundries, or hurting their chances to be trusted and respected? Here is my answer, my guess, my evaluation.
I think immoral behavior or even immoral thoughts are the result of having one's mind violated by a destructive influence early in life that disables the ability to see reality and cope with it. It often comes from a parent or loved one out to do something "for your own good". The ability to understand cause and effect or comprehend the nature of the consequences to one's choices is sanity. Only a person whose sanity has been violated fails to use such a natural skill.
Superstitious fears, wrong-headed advice, poor parenting, religious indoctrinations, poor education and stupid friends can contribute to the short-circuit in learning a life skill.
What really is immoral behavior anyway? Morality is essentially doing what works in a social enviornment. You don't lie because people won't trust you and you'll lose their respect. You don't steal because it is unfair to the person who earns and owns. You don't risk pregnancy or disease because a baby needs both parents and a loving enviornment and disease is an unnecessary destructive price to pay for passion. Morality is practical behavior. There is nothing mystical about not hurting yourself and not cheating others. Morality is a simple strategy that enables a win-win instead of a win-lose outcome.
So, people who think being moral is just doing what you are told don't understand the simple cause and effect of real life. The rational understanding is short-circuited. It becomes oppressive to obey and tow the line and stifle your own choices. Wrong behavior is a result of having your reasoning powers smothered by rules and pressures to conform!
By never being allowed to understand that morality is a simple and practical workable behavior that can get you what you want through better actions (and better consequences) the brain goes into a repressive funk, depression and angry mode. Being repressed is very UNhealthy!
Every action a healthy human takes simply MUST be a personal choice based on personal valuations arrived at by clear thinking or it is subject to warp. Good is not good because somebody powerful SAYs it is good. Good is good because it works better in the long run.
Think of GOOD as buying at the best price. Why pay more? Why ruin your life and pay a huge price for something easily obtained at a much cheaper price?
But no, it becomes a matter of acting out against a person or group or rule that is Enslaving you. It is a break for freedom to think and act which causes immorality. Any person who is sane and rational comes to the same conclusions no matter what the culture of origin. No society claims it is wonderful to kill and steal and lie. It is the hypocricy of the leadership that creates the disease of saying one thing and doing another that corrupts the social structure.
Good rules come out of simple common sense boundries. Good enforcement is simply reminding honest, intelligent people that limits are there to honor fairness.
If the above is not known, understood, taught or allowed to be discussed then the insanity which follows is motivated by fear, suppression and intolerant selfish leadership.
That is my two cents.
I think JW's who burst their bonds and start down a path of destructive behavior or simply part of a mental explosion that stems from their previous bondage. These people must start from scratch like an infant in calibrating cause and effect. They must re-educate themselves the hard way and pay whatever price they must pay by trial and error. They can no longer trust a rule for the sake of a rule. I feel a lot of compassion for a person on a long, painful learning curve. They need compassion and understanding and friendship. They certainly don't benefit from disfellowshipping and shunning. A friend helps another friend. A true friend never cuts you dead.
Terry