In the aftermath of our shattered faith, for those who also wonder.....

by Frannie Banannie 55 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Frannie Banannie

  ALL JOKING ASIDE, I HAVE A LOOSLY FORMULATED SET OF SPIRITUAL BELIEFS ESTABLISHED. THEY SERVE MY NEEDS FOR THE PRESENT.
  

  I HAVE NEVER HAD AN EXPERIENCE SUCH AS YOU DESCRIBE.

  I OFTEN THINK OF AND WONDER WHAT IT TAKES TO REACH SOMETHING LIKE YOU DID. SOME OTHERS HAVE HAD AN EXPERIENCE OR OTHER, OF A SPRITUAL NATURE.

  NOT ME. IT MAY BE INTERESTING IF YOU COULD PURSUE WHAT EVER IT WAS THAT YOU THINK BROUGHT THAT TO YOU.

  DID YOU RECEIVE ANYTHING OF USE FROM THIS OCCURANCE? HAVE YOU HAD OTHER THINGS LIKE THIS IN YOUR LIFE?.

  I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN ANY OTHER HAPPENINGS OF THIS TYPE.

  I PROMISE I WILL NOT MAKE A JOKE OUT OF IT.

  Sorry to take so long responding....I worked last night and spent the night cooking for a pt's fam....the pt's son died and his funeral is today......

  welp, Outoftheorg, most of us xdubs probably have a very loosely formulated set of spiritual beliefs established.....Problem with mine is they're too dang loose....and I don't know what to do about them.

  The story about my experiences is a very lonnnnnnnnnng and complex one......it begins with my partaking at the Lord's evening meal for the first time in 1982, during which I was encompassed by a spiritual "coccoon" until I had released the last emblem to pass it on.....Then there were two visions and my transformation each time (which was witnessed by my daughter) less than two weeks apart, in 1988, 4 years before I instigated my own df'ing (another story which I thought had little to do with the experiences). There are many more spiritually profound experiences which occurred to me, both prior to and after my df'ing, which I instigated (including the realization that I actually met and repeatedly spoke with the resurrected Christ (he's already here) over a period of 3 to 4 months, but I really don't want to "go into" the details here on JWD for fear that someone would take it as a bid for attention or an attempt to proselytize to start a "new religion" (blech) What I really should do is sit down and write all of it down in detail on a website and then if anyone is interested, they could "go there" and read about it and about the "why" and "wherefor's" of these things......

  The bottom line?......the bottom line is that ALL the things that occurred to me was His way of leading me out of the borg.....and away from the scriptures which limit God to what is written....giving me a resurrection to "life"....Perhaps I should just "go for it" and make the best I can out of the life given me, eh? Things aren't always what they appear to be nor as they are portrayed by others to be, yanno.

  Frannie B
• 

  czarofmischief

  bottom line is that ALL the things that occurred to me was His way of leading me out of the borg

  yep.

  I personally believe that the human frame is the final chrysalis for the spirit as it develops from animal to angel. It is our responsibility to encourage proper spiritual development as we prepare to hatch...

  CZAR
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  Perhaps you "just feel so "waffley" about beliefs", because they do not give you the actual, present moment, alive reality that you seek. Beliefs, after all, are just mental concepts.
  
  As far as "what about the existence of a supreme deity?" and "How is our relationship actually defined with this entity, if it exists.....Are the factors out there uncontrollable? WHY?" This, is what you discover when or if you investigate within.
  
  When you discover the answers you seek, they will not be just empty words, beliefs or mental concepts; but rather the living and vibrant truth of your Being.
  
  What you seek will not be found out there in ideas and discussions. Because what you desire is much closer and much more intimate than that.

  JT, I certainly understand what you've just told me here.....and moreso, my "waffley" feelings about a personal belief system are probably a direct result of the indoctrination into the teachings of the WTS....I haven't gotten completely past all the facets of the JW mindset....it's as though I KNOW what truth to believe, but am having a difficult time overcoming the need for a "spiritual fix"....like an addict attempting to reform and feeling the need for the "drugs" hopefully left behind.

  I really appreciate everyone's patience and understanding and willingness to discuss this subject with me here, because it's helping me to come to a better understanding of what I'm experiencing and it'll help me overcome the problem of needing that ol' "spiritual fix".

  Thanks, JT. My future life surely is striving to be all the good that I can be and being content with what I am capable of doing and then doing it.

  Frannie B
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  To me, the fundamental contradiction is that an all powerful Creator is inconsistent with

  the existence of the the Bible as his word.

  If He existed in the way portrayed, the Bible would not only be a waste of time - but an

  actual encumbrance to spiritual people. If God is an all knowing person, they why doesn't

  He deal with us exactly as on the TV show "Joan of Arcadia"? No Bible would be needed

  to interpret, He would just tell us exactly what we need to do each day, without slipshod

  opinion or misinterpretation.

  I'm going to a seminar on psychic ability. I keep hoping ...

  I agree, Metatron....The reality of the existence of a creator is MUCH bigger and better than the written words. I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya on the psychic ability thingie....I'd be interested in finding out (really) if I'm "psychic" in any way, too....I do know that I have a penchant for sensing the spirituality in a person (good or bad), for I've met sociopaths before and known immediately that they were extremely "cold-hearted" and possibly dangerous....I could "feel" them sizing me up.

  How will you find out if you're psychic, Metatron?

  Frannie B
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  What you seek will not be found out there in ideas and discussions but rather in the bathroom mirror. Because what you desire is much closer and much more intimate; as we are all, individually, a reflection of God.

  Frannie, I understand that what you are looking for is a blueprint of sorts for a belief system, for proof that a higher diety is at work here. I honestly don't believe that you will ever find such a thing. What I believe in is that we are all able to be god like in the sense that we can all be good, giving, honest human beings. It is an EXTREMLY simplistic view but one that I believe covers all of the bases (ie 10 commandments). We need to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and say that above all else, we did an ok job out there today.

  Yes, I'm seeing this much more clearly now, Andie....and I appreciate so very much your input along with the others here, because it's making clear to me what I already knew, but was temporarily having difficulty accepting due to WTS "flashbacks" that've caused me to begin yet again to seek a "spiritual fix"......

  Hugs,

  Frannie B
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  bottom line is that ALL the things that occurred to me was His way of leading me out of the borg

  yep.

  I personally believe that the human frame is the final chrysalis for the spirit as it develops from animal to angel. It is our responsibility to encourage proper spiritual development as we prepare to hatch...

  An excellent analogy, Czar...

  Frannie B
• 

  Sentinel

  Frannie, this same thing happened to me after a period of time. Being a serious minded and dedicated servant of Jehovah, and having unanswered questions and doubts, when I left it was abundantly clear to me that the JW's did not have this "truth". They just had bits and pieces of it, just like everyone else. The journey to find one's "truth", is very individual and private.

  First of all, I agree that the Bible is not "written by men who were directed by god" for the purpose of being this all complete documentation of who made us and why we are here. And, what are we supposed to do in this life, and what lies ahead. It is our cognitive early training that engrains the perceptions we have. If a person or an organization, religious or not, claims to have truth, the only truth, then a signal should go up immediately. ....you know "we are right and will be saved; and everyone else is wrong and will be destroyed". What an unhealthy attitude. Always living life for "tomorrow", and forgetting the beauty of life in the "here and now". This is how we're meant to live and learn our lessons and grow spiritually. We must be all that we can be, not what someone else tells us we should be. Once we realize this, we are truly free.

  It took me a very long time to face all my inner turmoil. I had suppressed so much over the years. There is no one to blame but "me" for my own choices in life. It was and still is my own personal journey. When I finally did truly let these negative influences purge from me, I became a new person. It was very emotionally painful, which affected every part of me. It also took some diligent effort to re-think many things. But gradually, living life took on a new meaning. Showing love and compassion became my foremost goal. A deep inner peace and joy has been my reward.

  Love,

  Karen
• 

  outoftheorg

  Hello Frannie.

  I went to bed, so that is the reason for delay in response.

  I understand what you are seeking. I think all of us crave something of a spiritual nature to fill the voids left in us by the cult.

  All of this is difficult for me, because I left the cult with a cynical attitude towards all things religious or spiritual. For obvious reasons. I also have a very assessing analyzing personality. If I can not see, feel, smell, hear something, I have trouble believing it exists.

  I have longed for and prayed for some kind of guidance or recogniton or indication, that there is a spiritual dimension or God. Actually anything.

  I have never ever experienced anything remotely close to any response or indication of a spirit relm.

  If I ponder my situation, I feel totally lost or abandoned. This seems so unfair that I get irritated with the whole thing. So I don't pursue it anymore.

  I envy those of you who have these experiences and would like to find my way there also.

  Not to belittle anyone or hurt them, I will say that when I read about the psychic or religious experiences of others, my first mental response is to not believe it or question the validity of what is said.

  I seldom reveal this to them, since I don't want to demean others or their beliefs. As long as they do not try to force them on me.

  I wonder how many of us are caught in the same situation I am in?

  Enjoyed your post, good humor and tolerance of me, Frannie.

  Outoftheorg
• 

  DireStraitJacket

  >Not to belittle anyone or hurt them, I will say that when I read about the psychic or religious experiences >of others, my first mental response is to not believe it or question the validity of what is said.
  
  >I seldom reveal this to them, since I don't want to demean others or their beliefs. As long as they do not >try to force them on me.
  
  >I wonder how many of us are caught in the same situation I am in?
  
  
  I feel the same way, I wouldn't say I went on a massive search mission to discover God, Jesus, or anything spiritual, but the lack of concrete proof for most beliefs has a very negative impact on my opinion of them.
  
  More recently I've tried keeping a very open mind when confronted with new beliefs, I think everyone is entitled to their own belief system, and as long as they're happy with it thats excellent.
  
  I don't seem to have a belief system, which I do criticise myself for though..
  
  
  I guess because I've never felt 'in touch' with a greater being, or sensed that there was a god out there that really cared what we as insignificant particles in the the universe (in our current form) did or thought, I'm also really sceptic about other peoples accounts of psychic experiences and spiritual enlightment.
  I just can't relate to their experiences
  
  
  
  
• 

  Sunspot

  **Not to belittle anyone or hurt them, I will say that when I read about the psychic or religious experiences of others, my first mental response is to not believe it or question the validity of what is said.

  Same with me, but just on the testimonies and religious aspects---not the psychic.That's a whole different topic and wouldn't fit into the same perception for the discussion on here.

  I seemed to (past tense :-) exhibit the same mental block about "how *I* found Jeezus" talk, as I had as JW. The mental image of a cross with a slash mark through it like a "no smoking allowed" sign. No matter what I read, saw or heard---this same almost sense of revulsion would hit me and I quickly went and read something else. Not exactly on "open mind" huh?

  But that gradually changed, and I began to read things with a fresh view, not that I believed everything I read, but that STOP!!!!!! feeling went away and it allowed me to be more receptive to learning. I can also feel free to accept what sounds logical to me and discard what I feel is a bit "over the top". NOT saying what's right or wrong...but what makes sense to ME at this stage.

  I still have yet to step into a church, for a variety of reasons, both mental and physical, but I won't say that the day may never come! Again---it's the freedom that appeals to me for the most part. The prospect of ever staring ANY kind of "bible study" would be a long way off, probably never. The feeling that I was being manipulated once again is too strong to "chance it.

  It was just mentioned that we WERE free to choose what we wanted and more or less navigate our own souls (or destiny, whatever) while we were JWs, but I can't buy into that. I've gotten into more than a few debates recently on this subject---especially when I read that I was stupid not to check into the history of the WTS before I came into it, or that NO ONE can tell you what to do or how to live your life doing something you don't WANT to do, etc etc. This makes me boil, knowing how I was such a good loyal JW all those years and did everything I was told BECAUSE I had the (mistaken) idea they spoke for "God" and was the ONLY religion to do so, yadayadayada....

  Maybe it IS denial, to some people, but I see it as something different---and it WAS mind control and manipulation of naive and trusting people. The WTS loved to say that we should approach religion as a little child......which makes for great recruits because we left the driving to THEM and felt comfortable DOING it! There's a difference. Jesus did say this---but the application was not the same as the WTS would like people to believe.

  So...NOW that we are OUT we can settle back and enjoy the ride. IF there will be an Armageddon-like "end", at least we KNOW that we were away from a cult and searching for "God" in a more "truthful to US" capacity! How much richer the experience IS, because it IS truly personal and not the dictates of an evil, selfish organization!

  But.....that's just MY "take" on it all.

  hugs,

  Annie