I have heard some people say that they have low self esteem. I don't understand that. Why did you choose to have low self esteem? I have many thoughts on this, but I will save them until others voice their opinions.
Self Esteem
by larc 43 Replies latest jw friends
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shamus
I did not choose to have low self esteem. I was given it, thank you very much.
When you can cure depression, then I'll feel just fine.
Whatever on earth are you talking about that we "choose" to feel this way?? I act fine on the ouside but am a wreck on the inside.
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onacruse
larc!
Speaking from my heart: my lack of self-esteem has been a direct consequence of relying on the approval of others (via "works" and "achievements"), instead of my own internal sense of worthiness...the classic "salvation by faith, not works [but really, it's the works]" scenario.
How am I getting past that? By realizing that "I am what I am, and that's all I can be." Sounds simplistic, even sophomoric...but that perspective on life has some very deep roots, eh?
Craig
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bikerchic
From someone who knows, been there done that.........self esteem is an inside job. And yes you do choose depression (unless it's a chemical imbalance), there is some pay off for you to stay depressed the same is true of low self esteem. It's a choice! It's up to you to do the hard work of whys, then the hard work of getting over it. The end is worth all the effort and more!
Kate
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wednesday
I disagree. I grew up in an abusive household and was told almost every day of my life how worthless and stupid i was.I have been abused in every imaginable way. I did not chose that. I was abused by the WTS in a massive way. I cannot go into it, b/c at the time it was such a big deal that someone would recognize me. I came to the KH despite all those things, and was told "why do u bother, no one wants anything to do with u".I have been in therapy for many years and i just have acquired enough self esteem to not let the WTS control my mind. But i can't break free from them completlety b/c they can destroy what is left of my life.
I am not getting any "pay off "for this. I am trying to find a reason to get up each day. Please do not tell me i could just get over this if i really wanted to. I am sick to death of that ignorance. I can hear the words that i am a worthwhile person, but i do not really believe it. I want to, but i just can't. I believe that some forms of abuse can damge the mind to the point u can never fully recover. Wouldn't it be great to take a pill and feel like a worthwhile person? Won't happen. And therpay is the closet u can come and it can only do so much. Sometimes a scar remains.
But i am not a victim, i am a survivor. I think it may be too late to change a lot of things, but i will contine to try and find that person inside me and comfort her and help her feel like a person who deserves respect.
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Purple
Mine comes from several areas. Firstly from my father who told me from as long as I can remember that because I was born a useless female that I was worthless and a waste of his Spe*m. Worse than that I was very overweight and did not like sport that much. In his eyes this made me less than dirt. SO after you hear that for most of your young, impressionable life then you do believe it. You can argue I chose to buy into it. Let me just say to you that once you have spent 20 years being told that every day of your life then you can tell me I chose to believe it.
You obviously dont have self esteem issues or at least you dont think you do. Making others feel bad about hang ups etc and belittling people for it is a way of making yourself feel bigger and better about yourself. So yes you do have self esteem issues. If I am being harsh here and upsetting you well that was not my intention.
My point is that people who dont suffer from depression and image problems often belittle others who do without realising it. depression is triggered by many things, chemical imbalance is one issue only. My advice to you is once you have experienced it, and you will, then you may be in a better position to ask and judge. Statistics clearly show that everyone will suffer from depression at some stage in their life. SO dont think it wont happen to you, it will. Then you will understand better how you can self esteem problems. Boy will you understand!
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Navigator
Larc
Your question would have been better if you had asked "Why would anyone consciously choose to experience low self esteem?" The answer should be obvious. No one would. But what about the sub-conscious? What about all that input we have stored (stuffed) there from all the unloving, uncaring, unthinking people we have dealt with in our lives, especially those encountered when we were young and impressionable. That sort of input is unpleasant and so we stuff it into our sub-conscious where it controls our feelings about ourselves, sometimes for the rest of our lives. Kids don't know any better. If you are unlucky enough to be raised in a dysfunctional household, you are going to store this sort of stuff. Chances are there is no one around to tell you that you were created in the image and likeness of God and that God Himself (Herself) would be incomplete without you. No one is there to tell you that you are loved beyond anything that you can comprehend. Even if you are as lucky as I was to be raised in a loving household there are plenty of folks around who are more than willing to build themselves up by tearing you down. Depression? Hell yes! Why do you think the suicide rate is so high among young people? It takes a lot of work to "unlearn" all the lies that we were fed about ourselves. One of the main reasons my wife is a JW today is because she was raised in a dysfunctional household and told she was going to hell because she was worthless. The JWs came along and told her that there was no hell. They failed to mention the hell that they would create for her right here on earth.
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DazedAndConfused
larc,
I thought better of you. From a person with low self-esteem, for many causes, I am upset at your attitude that you "don't understand". You know what? I don't care if you understand or not. We have self-esteem problems for various reasons and they are valid to us because they affect (effect?) us.
Before I read your post I had fingernails...right now they are gone. I have been so upset that I have bitten or ripped off any fingernails that I had 20 minutes ago.
I am sorry for anyone that says they do not understand why or how a person deals, makes me angry because unless you have been there, done that...you have no clue. And even if you have "been there, done that" and gotten through with no problem yourself, and yet judge how another person heals, there is something wrong there too. We all heal and deal in our own ways. For another to judge our actions is wrong in my book.
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got my forty homey?
I agree with Navigator, no one chooses to have a low self esteem. You can tell yourself that you don't, but after many years of mental abuse, it happens in the subconscious. I learned this when I went to hypnosis for a year to better my life.
You end up showing this by relying on drugs and alcohol to be around people (ME), never really amounting to anything in life (ME), being scared to make decsions and having self confidence (ME).
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Maverick
It is not hard to have "holes" in your personality. The social and economic environment and a persons own perspective need to be factored it. Adults can project a lot onto the minds and hearts of the children they influence. Some people have inflated egos and think they are just the greatest thing going. Others, who may be well liked and seen by others to have it all, may think they are unworthy. Balance is hard. And there are a lot of unhappy people who have a need to see other more unhappy than they are.
I visited the Salvidor Dali Museum and saw this one small pen and ink drawing that struck me with its image. There were people riding bicycles and on their heads were bundles. Some had a few, others had a lot. My first thought was,"He got it!" That's is how I see people. All of us traveling through life with our own burdens, like bundles, weighting us down. Some bundles we choose to shoulder of our own accord, some bundles are imposed upon us by others. Some loads we may not even be aware of.
It is up to us to stop every now and again and review what we are carrying through life. Often we don't do this until some event knocks us off that "bike" and all of our "bundles" are tossed to the ground. We pick ourselves up and gather everything up. Then we wonder, "What am I doing carrying THIS around?"
We have to make the change. We can seek help and there is help out there. The WTS tried to put itself in the position of a helper and councilor. One who can," Lift our burdens off and give us a better self image." But they are a fraud. They merely imposed their own values right over ours. And ADDED burdens to our shoulders. And in the end, tried to convince us that we were not worthy, and should have been grateful that they came looking for us. We don't even get any credit for that! Maverick