I have heard some people say that they have low self esteem. I don't understand that. Why did you choose to have low self esteem? I have many thoughts on this, but I will save them until others voice their opinions.
I like many of you grew up in a very dysfunctional family. In my family I was not treated very well, I didn't learn how to be a functional person and then compound that with being raised in a dysfunctional religion it's no wonder as an adult I had low self esteem and was depressed.
Big Tex made a good comment and I think hits the nail on the head to a certain extent:
If you mean that we cannot control what we feel but we can control what we do with that feeling, then I will agree with you.
Bingo! As children we have no control, but once we become adults, no let me re-state that informed adults, what we do with those feelings becomes our responsibility. It also becomes our responsibility to make the changes in our personalities so we don't perpetuate the harm that was done to us and do the same to our children. Therefore continuing the legacy or putting and end to it. It is therefore a choice to do it or not.
As I mentioned in my previous post there is a pay off for depression/low self esteem. As I can only speak for myself in this regard here are some of the payoffs I received when I was depressed:
My parents would pay more attention to me and try to make me happy. They would even buy me things to make me happy.
My kids would behave or do what I wanted them to do to make me happy.
My husband would do things or buy me things to make me happy.
I could miss meetings because I was too depressed to go. I could sit in the back of the hall and leave right after meeting and then the "friends" would sometimes call me to see if there was anything they could do to help me.
With low self esteem, hummm I guess I could revert into myself and be shy therefore I wouldn't have to be a part of anything, or I could be the clown and get attention.
In all of my behaviors I was seeking attention, or seeking to be left alone. I was taught from a young age I could only have two emotions either happy or sad, both got payoffs.
None of this worked for me in my adult life to bring me true happiness. It wasn't until I sought help and learned these ugly things about myself and wanted to change myself, then did the work to change I finally became a truly happy person without using emotional blackmail on my loved ones. Yes it was a choice!
I do think there are those who have severe depression or chemical imbalances who absolutely need professional help. I have found for myself once you've gotten on the road to recovery the low self esteem issues can be worked on and generally overcome. Stressed worked on, it takes work there are no magic pills for this.
I will always say the hard work is well worth the effort and can't stress that enough.