Self Esteem

by larc 43 Replies latest jw friends

  • bikerchic

    ahhhh knock, knock larc are you home?

    Kate (anxiously awaiting your responce)

  • Nosferatu

    Noone chooses to have low self esteem, but they do have the choice to do something about it. I'd just like to say to those who are working on this: Keep up the good work! :)

  • patio34

    Hi Eman,

    That's an excellent slant on what "Brother" Larc may have intended. Where is that guy anyway??

    The only thing is that it was left hanging and it seems to have caused some hurt in some people here. Surely there's a better way.



  • larc

    As Englishman pointed out, I raised this issue to generate discussion. I did not intend to hurt anyone, and I think the discussion was a good one. First off, I think self esteem and depression are two different issues, although they can be linked in many cases. I have always have had self esteem, but once ten years ago, I went through a major clinical depression that lasted about three months. (I can't do paragraphs on webtv, so please excuse me.) I remember when I was 8 years old, my father went into a tirade about how worthless I was. As a tiny kid, could not say anything, but in my mind I thought - you are full of shit. Was that my genetics, was it the influence of my nurturing mother, was it because I had good friends who like me? I have no idea. For those of you who had a rotten childhood, I am sorry for you. I just hope that as an adult you will overcome your history. Your parents may have told you that you were worthless, but that does not make it true. I do understand that it is very difficult to overcome that early conditioning, but it can be done with time and effort. There is no reason, on a mental level, to believe that you are a bad person. You are neither good or bad, you are you. Why should you like yourself? I can not give you a reason. All I can say it that is better than disliking your self.

  • patio34

    Thanks Larc--it did generate some good discussion. Thanks for your views on it. It made a lot of sense. (((Larc & Zazu)))


  • joelbear

    low self esteem is the root of all of the world's problems.

  • Valis

    Hi joel, where have you been?


    District Overbeer

  • larc

    Joel Bear, I agree with you. Low self estemm is the root of the world's problems. I know you have had bouts of self doubt, esteem issues, and depression. I just want you to know that all of us here really like you, and I hope that, that accounts for something in your book. I wish you the best, brother Joel.

  • one_ugly_time
    I have heard some people say that they have low self esteem. I don't understand that. Why did you choose to have low self esteem? I have many thoughts on this, but I will save them until others voice their opinions.

    My compliments to patio for the way you expressed yourself. Very well said. On my soapbox of defense -- I, too, have heard some people say that they have low self-esteem. I have also heard some people say that they feel haughty or that they have social phobia and are afraid of personal disclosure or that they are afraid of failure or even success and I can't say that I understand all these different feelings. I have experienced a few of these myself, so I can relate due to these experiences. I understand the hard work that it takes to overcome horrific, life altering events in your childhood that you had no control over or understanding of -- and those that you depended upon for survival CHOSE to lie to you and twist your feelings and your thoughts and behavior until you simply believed them and quite trusting yourself... I CHOSE to survive, whatever it took... Life is worth living, even in the dark some days.

    I think that Larc's question was intended to show that we might actually have some influence in the matter of our own low self esteem.

    This type of question is often used by psychologists to help empower people. Often the anger such a question can cause does in fact get a person to defend himself vigorously. This in itself can raise one's self esteem.

    Englishman - I won't debate intent. It's irrelevant in my book. You may be correct that this type of question is often used by psychologists to help empower people. But, a couple notes -- I highly doubt that it is said as an opening comment... out of the blue... to a patient he knows nothing about... rather... I suspect... It would be intermixed in conversation, when the psych intuits that the person could "use" a little push -- and then gently probe and listen and reflect upon the response he got... I highly doubt that he would listen for a while, then drop into his own life story, then say "There is no reason, on a mental level, to believe that you are a bad person." Wrong, Wrong, Wrong... There a damn good reason on a mental level to believe this... I was taught to believe some of the sh*t I believe, just as I was taught english and science... only difference is, I threw out some of the english and science cuz they were just teachers who didn't give a d*mn. I tried hard to hang on to every last word, thought, and feeling I was taught by those that I depended upon for survival. When I actually drop all the mental reasons, and start stirring up all the emotional stuff... then it really gets bad... but that is what it takes to find the tools, the language, the stability, the awareness, and the understanding that the future does offer us some choices... some easier than others... but, on a mental level, especially, I can't figure out why the hell I have as much self esteem as I do... Why am I not depressed, homeless, or drugged up like other members of my family... It isn't because I made a choice to have some self-esteem and it isn't because someone said anything along the lines of --

    I know you have had bouts of self doubt, esteem issues, and depression. I just want you to know that all of us here really like you, and I hope that, that accounts for something in your book.

    This is a good example of negative tranference using NLP speak, as was the original question... Very emotionally charged method of infering negative traits upon those you are talking to...all the while it will obviously make you feel better about yourself, and give you all the appearances of a healthy self-esteem if you talk as if your positive outlook diminishes and humilates others. one_ugly_time

  • Billygoat

    A ten-year-old finds his dad's keys and decides to take the car for a spin. He's seen his dad drive hundreds of times, so he knows he should be able to do it. He starts the engine, revs it up a couple times, puts the car in reverse and proceeds to hit the garage door. With a bit of maneuvering and a few more bangs out the garage, he managed to get out of the driveway, but not without running over mom's flowerbed and hitting the mailbox. The car has dozens of dents and scrapes running down the sideboards because of this child's inability to drive.

    What's wrong with this child? Why would he want to wreck his dad's car? Doesn't he realize he's could have gotten hurt? Doesn't he know his dad's going to be mad?

    Sometimes people just don't have the where-with-all to cope with the stresses of everyday living. Unlike breathing and hunger, it is not an instinctual habit. It's a LEARNED habit. My parents did not equip me well enough with the tools to survive successfully in this world. I had to learn them on my own. Now that I have the proper tools, it's much easier to MAKE A CHOICE to live well and "buck up" when there's pressure. Five and ten years ago, I didn't have that skill.


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