I joined this wonderful site, only a few weeks ago, although i have been away from the BORG, for almost 20 years. I didnt introduce myself, on a personal level, but i jumped right in, commenting, making threads, and just immersing myself in this community. What a time, indeed, to be here, its almost as if i was "called" here, because the week i lurked, and joined, was when ALL this recent stuff came out. From the meeting change, to the stopping of some construction, to the lay-offs, and all the BS. Adding all these recent changes, to the changes in "generation", what they are doing with blood fractions, and of course the child abuse issues, and it just truly shows that 'SOMETHING" is going on in the borg, and its not good. The loss of spirit, if it was even ever there, is quite evident.
Anyway, being that i kinda "jumped" right in, and didnt really introduce myself, i wanted to at least give a personal experience today, in this thread. I do not want to reveal too much about myself personally, for many reasons, but i do want to tell about a specific judicial commitee that i was bullied in, and how i was treated.
There are SO MANY stories, and things i can say, and i am sure that over time i will share many of it. I know that many have had the same, or similiar situations, when dealing with men, and Elders who have NO business judging other humans, yet they do so, and quite unlovingly. I am going to keep it short and to the point.
I had "sinned" when i was in my teens, for "normal" things. Pre-marital sex, smoking pot, those kind of experimental things that a semi-normal teenager, sometimes does. The problem was, i was baptised, and a JW. I was baptized at an early age, i think around 13 or 14, as we all know you are pressured to do when in the borg. Looking back, i can honestly and truly say, i did NOT know what it really meant to dedicate your LIFE to something.
Fast forward to a few years later, and i had STOPPED those things, and was living a "changed" life back in the "truth". I did NOT confess what i had done, but simply relied on my personal relationship with Jah, and in my actions, and knowing what i had done, and was doing now were big differences, and was better. I even felt my relationship with Jah was good, and i was having prayers answered, and all that good BS. I married a sister in the KH, things were looking good.
Then my "mistakes" came out, and the Elders found out about the things i had done. I was in my VERY early 20's, at this point, so i had a few years of living a "changed" life, which to me should show repentance, by my very actions, NOT just words. However, this was NOT good enough for the Elders. They told me, via judicial committee, that i should have confessed/told them everything, when i should have done that, and because i didnt, it means i wasnt truly sorry. I told them i knew i did wrong, and made the correct changes, but i wasnt prepared to "open" myself up, and it was hard for me, but in time maybe i would have.
I stressed that i LOVED Jehovah, i LOVED the org. I did NOT want to leave or be DF'D. I was truly sorry, and that i NEEDED the brothers, and support of the congregation, especially since because of all this my young marriage was breaking up(that is another story, and quite a crazy one, but better left for another time), and i needed to be here in the congregation.
Well, it all fell on deaf ears. I was LITERALLY yelled at, and told i should NOT be asking to stay and help, but begging for forgiveness, and that i DESERVE to be PUNISHED! Jehovah could NOT have been answering ANY of my prayers and that he IS VERY disapointed in me. This was all done WITHOUT love, but with anger. The PO Elder, who i knew my whole life, had the audacity to BLAME ME for all the "problems" in the congregation. That because i "hid" my sins, then Jehovahs spirit was not fully with the congregation. Mind you, the congregation WAS in trouble, there were MANY divisions, and issues. But it had nothing to do with my 21 year old self, and the PROOF is that AFTER i was DF'd and gone, the issues became WORSE. The Elder body was split up, and 4 Elders went to different congregations, due to disagreements, and other things, and people were dropping like flies. Continuing on, i begged them for mercy and told them i was truly repentant, and one of the Elders said, "well even Judas was repentant after he commited his sin". This asshole actually compared me to JUDAS, the murderer of Jesus. Of couse, the final result was i was DF'd.
Looking back it was the BEST thing, it led to me being away from the cult. I was so stumbled and treated so horribly by these men, that i eventually stopped trying to get re-instated. I was just a 21 year old person. I was bullied by these men. I am now 40 years old, and if these men would have tried anything like this to the man i am today, it would have beena totally different story, and probably with a few bloody noses.
I just wanted to give this small example, and share what happened to me. I have so many more stories too, and even this one has more, but all in due time. I wanted to tell this true story, to serve as a reminder of the borgs hypocrasy. These Elders took NO responsibility for their OWN actions, and maybe it being the reason their congregation was failing. NO, instaed they wanted to blame ME. Well, it starts from the top down, and they will be judged, as they have judged. These Elders, threw me to the "wolves". not lovingly sheparding, but instead, unlovingly JUDGING. Shame on them.