Memorial.. To go or not to go

by Emily1987 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • John Free
    John Free

    They have an insatiable desire to have you back in their group. THIS is why they want you there-as you well know. They hope the event will stir you- bring you back to your senses perhaps, they will continue working on you thereafter. I have also hurt my mother, caused her terrible pain, her granddaughter and I will not be in paradise with her. My 2 cents worth is that the sooner your loved ones swallow this bitter pill the better.

  • ShirleyW
    Are you able to have an out of town commitment that day?
    That way you can tell your Mom you attended, just somewhere else.

    Why go through all that? Her mom is pulling on her all my mom unsuccessfully tried to pull on me, haven't been to a Memorial or meeting since the 80's, don't go, stand your ground, like your mom is standing hers.

  • joe134cd

    Yeah I kind of had the same thing with my father asking me the other day if I'd go to the memorial. I knew my refusal up set him. But I just couldn't take the stress of walking back through those doors.

  • Gorbatchov

    Do what your heart says to do.

    We visit the memorial to stay connected with the family. They don't make our fade difficult. No questions during the years. Still invited for family party's etcetera.

    So we dicided that one hour a year is not a bad investment.


  • James87

    Do that you think is best, you know your mom best. Yes she is under there control mentally but you know her best. Honestly just go stay quiet for the what hour it is. Spend that time self reflection on how yeah this is not what you want to etc and then just when the thing ends walk out. If you stay afterward then people can approach you, you are leaving yourself open to like an attack way. If you quietly walk out fast they cant do anything and will talk to the people who stick around so its a win win. But do what you think is best

  • Magnum

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but I say don't go. JWdom is deceptive, conniving, selfish, and cold. It takes lives. The religion is wrong. Why would you want to give even the slightest impression that you agree with it and support it?

    Your mother would counsel you not to go to some kind of church service even if not doing so would break the heart of someone dear to you. So, you can break her heart. You'd be doing the right thing - not giving the impression that you support a false religion that has stolen countless lives.

    How will your mother ever learn TTATT if you give the impression that you still believe JWism? Sometimes you have to do what is right even if it hurts others. JWs even teach that.

    So, I say do what's right even it causes you and your mother hurt.

  • Phoebe

    Hi Emily,

    When my husband faded, he came to the memorial for a couple of years and then he stopped. I was devastated. I'd been brought up to believe that even those that had left the truth came to the memorial, it was a thread that kept them connected to the organization that said that deep down they still believed. But if they didn't go? Well, they were well and truly lost.

    So the first one he missed - I was so upset. But I got used to it after awhile when I realized that him just attending the memorial wasn't ever going to bring him back.

    Now, this week it will be my turn to miss it. The first one I've missed in 64 years!!!!!!!!!!!

    If you go, your mum will be happy because it will give her a little hope. Go with your heart. Personally, I would go to another hall. You mum will still be pleased and it will stop anyone bothering you. Just literally go in and out.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    i thought it had been and gone already

  • scratchme1010
    Is it likely that by showing our faces at the memorial, we would be back a square one, with the elders chasing after us, asking us if we want a study?

    I don;t think that it's that cut and dry. You don't go back to square one. Also, maybe it's time to start practicing setting boundaries. If you go, you can go and specifically tell your mum that she's the reason why you're going, and nothing more. Or you can say nothing, and go back to your own way of doing things.

    You don't have to explain yourself to them. You can go to get your mum off your chest and continue with what you are doing.

    Besides, I'm not sure that they have the capacity to follow up on every person if they are shrinking in numbers.

    It'll be interesting to know what happens. Pleas post what you decided to do and how it pans out.

  • mentalclarity

    Go with your gut- you can always miss next year if it's too soon.

    It takes time to be comfortable with realizing you're decision is a huge disappointment to your family and be totally ok with it. It certainly took me a while to realize I had the right to choose my own life/religion and their disappointment was theirs to work out-not mine.

    I never went to a memorial once I faded, but i made that decision because I didn't want to give them any false hope. I thought that would be more hurtful (in the long run) than just not going and ripping the band-aid off.

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