Memorial.. To go or not to go

by Emily1987 46 Replies latest jw friends

  • undercover

    I don't know your exact situation, but I've found that Memorials are so stressful for elders, with the preparations and everything else going on, they really don't have time to harass anyone. Other than some love bombing, I wouldn't worry about too much interaction with the elders, especially anything like being pulled into the back room for a talking to.

    And if you felt comfortable that you wouldn't be bothered like that, then maybe you could go for your mom's sake. It's one hour, once a year.

    I used to have anxiety attacks about going, but not anymore. And yes, I'm going. It's a compromise. One one hour meeting a year isn't going to kill me. And there's nothing they can say or do in that one hour that's going to make me go, 'oh my god.. I was wrong, I should come back before it's too late'. No, I am now immune to their cult tactics and BS doctrine. But, my situation isn't the same as yours or that guy's or that gal's, so what I do may not work for everyone. You have to weigh all the circumstances, and make a decision that you can live with.

  • millie210

    I remember when I was still in and my adult son was disfellowshipped.

    I always held my breath in hoping that he would come. Being totally honest? I knew that if he didnt, I would be the object of pity among other mothers and get a lot of false commiseration. If he came, I would not be singled out for that deadly pity farce that JWs show to each other when this sort of situation comes up.

    My son always came. He arrived in a suit and with a carefully arranged genial expression. He told me "I am doing this for you mom. It is very little for me to do in the scheme of things and I dont mind at all."

    Of course, I secretly hoped "something would touch his heart while he was there" like all full in believers hope.

    Now I am out and he is still out but he has been such a class act in handling the way he left I use him as my example for my own behavior.

    I am hoping I dont go this year - it will be my first not to if so.

    But my rule of thumb is if one of the people I love who are "in" will be negatively impacted by my NOT coming then I will go.

    It all means less to me than waiting in line at the bank but it means so much to them on more levels than I can count, so its worth the wasted hour if it spares them pain.

    So far no one has asked me. hooray!

  • FadeToBlack

    Didn't go last year and got blasted. A couple of weeks ago, she apologized for the the things she said. I did not get an invite so far this year.

  • dubstepped

    I don't deal well with people that are travel agents for guilt trips and their bad boundaries. You aren't hurting her, she's choosing to disrespect your decisions and to be hurt by setting expectations based on her values. That's her problem, not yours. I would feel worse stringing her along, giving her some false hope.

    Hey mom, I'll attend the Memorial. It's like what, a couple hours of my life. Then you can sit down and go through Crisis of Conscience with me for a few hours. What? You don't want to? Oh, this only works one way in our relationship? Well then, I guess I won't be going, eh.

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Wouldn't it be dishonest to give your mother a false hope?

    Tell her and demonstrate that you love her by some other means but it is folly to concede to JW superstitions that by attending the memorial you'll get a free pass at a fictional Armageddon.

    Your clear cut actions may make her recognise there are other things outside of the religion which are more important than the JW beliefs .

    Look after your mum.

  • ttdtt

    If you dont go - they stop thinking about you quicker.

  • moreconfusedthanever

    Back in the 70s and 80s if you needed to miss the memorial due to being in hospital or sick in bed, the elders would come to you on the night of the memorial so you could pass the emblems too. It was very important.

    This is no longer the case. Two of my family had to miss memorials due to being in hospital and they asked if they elders would come and the answer was no.

    The memorial is a do or die deal only for the anointed and everyone else is just there to watch. In this case it is my opinion that for the "great crowd" it is nothing more than a regular meeting.

    I am not going. My mother I devastated and has begun bullying tactics to get me to change my mind. I will not. She made her choice when she chose this cult and "hurt" her family by doing so. I will now make mine and she will either give me the same respect her parents gave her or she will shun me. That will be on her.

    I have children and I will not muddy the waters for them.

  • Finkelstein

    I haven't gone to a JW memorial in 30 years and will never go, the JWS screwed up this Christian observance and practice anyways.

    In a more accurate adherence to this event all devout Christians are to partake and it is Jesus who is to decide who will be with him in heaven and who wont be according to Scripture.

  • ShirleyW
    I don't mean to sound harsh, but I say don't go. JWdom is deceptive, conniving, selfish, and cold. It takes lives. The religion is wrong

    Hey mom, I'll attend the Memorial. It's like what, a couple hours of my life. Then you can sit down and go through Crisis of Conscience with me for a few hours. What? You don't want to? Oh, this only works one way in our relationship? Well then, I guess I won't be going

    The two above comments should help you

  • Listener
    A loving JW mother would be asking you to come because she's doing it with you in mind, not for herself. So if you decide not to go it would be nice if you could tell her that you'd like to spend the day with her doing whatever she'd like.

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