What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time

by CovertsadJW 57 Replies latest social family

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  Giordano

  Welcome Covert.

  Talk to your wife and ask her why she has been abusive to you and the children? That she should go to the meetings herself if that's what she wants. That decision is up to her.

  Google the JW pedophile problem. Their ridiculous 'two witness rule' that is needed to DF someone. Their years of telling a person to wait on Jah, discouraging even reporting the sexual abuse to the authorities......... leaving the child in danger of repeated sexual abuse.

  That for the time being you don't want your children exposed to this problem. You want them to be educated, safe and well loved.

  Edit to add: Good advice from others. Since I now understand that she has all of her family in you probably should not be too critical about their 'truth' or try to talk her out.

  Do not agree to allow the children to be baptized tell her they need to grow up and make that decision later in life.
• 

  CovertsadJW

  I actually went to a therapist for the verbal abuse, but she did not go and when I asked her she said maybe. The abuse includes so much yelling, labeling the kids, swearing, negative self talk all the time. Its up and down but fairly constant. This just naturally roles into the JW mindset-seriously. I have not been good setting boundaries from the beginning, I think that is a part we give up when we are very unhealthy JWs. Yes-she gets angry and walks away with any JW.org talk that is the sad part. I can handle it, but I am worried about the kids. Has anyone taken their kids to therapy - to eradicate the cult type thinking?

  Thanks
• 

  LoisLane looking for Superman

  @CovertsadJW

  Can you trust me to send me a PM with your username in an email in it so I might talk with you? I will reply with my username from here.

  I can read PM's but at this time cannot reply.
• 

  stillin

  My wife called the kids "evil" and "demonic" more times than I can count. She screamed and lost her cool to the point where she became the neighbor from hell. We are still together, the kids are grown and they high-tailed it out of the "truth" faster than you can shake a stick.

  My suggestion is to keep your humor. Some gentle mocking at the more obvious crazinesses that are sure to come from the GB. Or even some of the Bible stories. The kids will appreciate your candor and hopefully, once in a while, your wife will be able to laugh at herself.

  My wife is likely bipolar and I am probably way too forgiving of some of the crap that she has pulled. Medical or not a guy should have some self-respect.

  It's not funny, but look for the laughs anyhow.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  CovertsadJW, I haven't read all the wonderful answers from others yet, but I can say what I would do. It may not take into account all of YOUR circumstances.
  
  I would never let my kids become JW's. I would prioritize that. If I had to be DF'ed or DA in order to tell them the truth about Jehovah's Witnesses and to allow them to grow up fairly normally, then so be it.
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  CovertsadJW

  That’s how I have been feeling for a while now. It’s not like i just started having doubts for a few months -it’s been years and intense in the last 8-9 months. I’ve been watching lots of well put together videos , reading JW facts , reading God is not great , just to help put the nail in my doubts not necessarily the Aetheist part. I feel like I am being forced to choose “ family unit “ or what I believe in my soul- at my wife’s constant criticism. I am a really mellow guy , and let so much go, but I think everyone reaches a saturation point. I just wish JW’s could debate with reasonableness ( wife included ). I love reading Christopher Hitchens books; the man is very well educated and a brilliant debater-I think my wife thinks the more mad she is , more critical she is , more yelling she does I will finally get it and fall in line. That’s been her MO for what she wants. Thanks everyone - this helps me
• 

  LoisLane looking for Superman

  @CovertsadJW

  I have read your PM to me but I canNOT send PM's.
• 

  moreconfusedthanever

  I don't have an issue with my husband but I do however have very pushy family who constantly request we return to meetings and badger my children.
  

  It's no use sharing what you know and everyone needs to find out the truth for themselves.

  What I do now is refer them to Romans 14:12 "each of us will render an account for himself to God". If we go because we are forced or to make others happy Jehovah who sees what the heart is (1 Sam 16:7) will not be fooled.

  You could let your wife know that she can go to meetings and in service and that it is not your intention to force her to stop but you must also be allowed to make your choices based on your knowledge and mutual respect must prevail for the sake of a peaceful family arrangement for your children.

  Your children may well need to go with your wife to the meetings. Make sure they can talk to you about things they are learning so that you can help them use their critical thinking skills.

  The last thing I would make sure of is that the children are not forced into baptism. Remind your wife and extended family that Jesus himself did not get baptised until he was 30 so if they want the children to follow in his footsteps they too should wait until they are adults.

  In my case, my children were not fooled and recognized early on that "the truth" is not the truth.
• 

  Vanderhoven7

  At some point, if you want to save your marriage and your sanity; you will have to drop the mellow part and label her bullying for what it is.... and state categorically that you reject her criticisms as coming from a place other than God. Tell her her behavior is driving you away from any truth she pretends to have.

  "I don't receive that" should be an oft repeated mantra.
• 

  steve2

  JW spousal pressure can be the pits. Let's be frank: The "rules" of discourse in marriage or relationships in general is set pretty early based on what the individuals "put up with". Old patterns of communication die hard and all that. Don't expect her to change - but do expect her to stop going on about other sisters' wonderful husbands. What a cruel tactic! Imagine if you went on to her about how wonderful other men's wives were!

  Also, if she wants to return to meetings and become active again, what the hell is stopping her? I take it you are not threatening her, "If you go back, I'll..."?

  You have a choice:

  To take responsibility for and control of your life, including your role as husband and father or live and die in fear of upsetting your dear wife.

  You don't have to be rude or callous. But you could do worse than to say to her, "Honey if you believe it's the right thing to go back to meetings and become active, go for it. However, I expect you to respect my decision not to." Then change the subject. Do something incredibly nice for her. Win her over through love. Refuse to argue or take the bait. Let her see that you are a better, more loving man for your decision and more than those insipid JW yes-man husbands.

  Give her time. And remember, regardless of what JW organization says, there is no urgency. You will still be here when she eventaully tires of the tedium of JW organization.