Good afternoon ,
I have been having doubts for many years and as most JW's I have certainly not done myself a favor by suppressing all of my critical thinking. I am married with 3 kids and my wife and I are inactive, but my wife has made it very clear in speech and action that she wants to go to all meetings, field service, and indoctrinate our kids. Her unhappiness has become a major issue; she ultimately tells her friends that they are lucky to have husbands who go to meetings. You know when a person is not happy with another; its impossible to hide. I have been avoiding the issue-I am in a crisis of life changing proportions. I can't with all of my heart tell my kids such a lie-I cant even fake it. I would love to sit down with my wife and explain how I really feel in my heart; but that would be received as apostasy. I personally feel I should not fear reading, or researching, or telling a loved one how I really feel-but you know how that ends. I love my family and my kids, but my wife is so unhappy, is verbally abusive to me and the kids. I really feel that its not such a stretch that " from an abusive religion comes abusive, perfectionist type personalities". My kid are younger, not baptized and not fully indoctrinated. I feel if I stay I will be forced to " lie" to my kids and start the whole indoctrination process. After that you know what happens, fear, shame, guilt, baptism. A most certainly self-esteem crushing experience as I remember. I do not want that for my kids-what to do?
Any help would be great!